May 2013 Weddings

My Bachlorette party is causing drama

Finally under 2 months and my bridesmaids have yet to come up with a plan for a bach party. Even though the MOH went around asking 'guests' when they are free. Now I have friends asking what is going on, and its the last thing i want to deal with.

I dont understand how they cannot come up with one night of going out or hanging out. Everytime i talk to one of my girls its all well she wants to do this but nobody else does.

What do I do? Plan my own party?

Re: My Bachlorette party is causing drama

  • Yikes, that totally sucks and I completely empathize with you :(  I feel that as the beautiful brides we are,  we have so much on our plate this close the wedding and that's the last thing you should have to do-throw yourself a bachelorette party. My sisters are my bridesmaids and they didn't plan my bachelorette party because they didn't have the time (that should be a whole different post). I was about to plan my own party, but some of my really good friends found out what happened and have been planning my party. Maybe try talking to your bridesmaids one more time and see who is willing to throw it. If they can't all agree on a day, then maybe it should be majority rules, you know?  Is there anybody else who would want to put together a bachelorette party for you? There are no hard and fast rules, so if you wanted to plan a bachelorette party for yourself, you could do that, I just worry that it's a lot to take on this close to the big day...

    I hope the drama settles down, keep us posted. Sending hugs your way :)
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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
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    If your MOH offered to plan it, then when people ask you what's going on, you should tell them you're not involved in the planning and that they should speak with her. 

    Don't plan your own. 



  • I agree with the don't plan your own.  No one is throwing me one.  I'm not planning my own.  It's rude.  
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  • My situation is a bit different.  None of my bridesmaids had their own bachloreete party for a variety of reasons.  Now I'm an older bride and 2 of the girls have children.  So the one planning it is the one who hasn't had kids, but she is co-planning with me as she'd really like my input.  We're planning an en evening gourmet cooking class and keeping it cozy.  Maybe you could let your MOH know the theme you'd like and she will get on the ball.  Maybe she's overwhelmed making the decisions when she's not sure you'll enjoy what she's planning?
  • It's presumptuous to plan your own bachelorette party. Your BMs need to get it together and not put you in the middle. If people ask you, say you're not involved in the planning and to ask whichever BM appears to be the 'planner'. My MOH is my older sister but lives halfway across the country and can't afford to fly back here 3 times so one of my other BMs has been planning it.
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  • Why couldn't the bride put together a girls night if she wasn't having a bachelorette party thrown in her honor? Is it conventional to do so, no, but who cares? I've attended 2 joint bachelor/bachelorette parties in the last year, thrown by the bride and groom and nobody thought anything of it. It's 2013, everyone does things differently.
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  • Yeah, I'd say if your main goal is time with your girls, then it's totally OK to maybe just ask them all over for a girls only potluck or something. Or order pizza and ask everyone to bring a game or a drink or something.

    I can feel your pain though. I know I am having a bachlorette on 4/27, but I know none of the details, which I am happy about. I just get the feeling from comments I have heard that my BM may not all be getting along or agreeing on things.....
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  • Girls night, no problem :-) I just wouldn't call it a bachelorette party then. 
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  • I'm lucky that my MOH is planning my bachelorette party. She has been asking my thoughts here and there, but I think it's easiest that you designate one person to take the lead, have that person stay in constant contact with you, and everyone else can just deal with it. I think it's easier if you appoint just one person to be the main planner, and she can ask the other BM's for help when she needs it...do you think that could work?!
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  • I don't know if this will help but my MOH is my cousin and she is a slacker and should be famous for doing things at the last minute. I have a lot of things going on before the wedding and since my FI and I are having our parties the same night so that we only have to get 1 baby sitter. I picked the date. I told my MOH this is the date. It works around my schedule of planning, other weddings and wedding events, and my FI's military commitements. So I set the date told her what the men plan on doing so we aren't in the same areas. And let he take over.  I just had to keep on top of her. If I wouldn't have picked a date we would still be at a standstill with everything and I didn't want to have to worry about not having a night out. Those who can come, come. But in the end you need to be there and what works for you is what people need to work around. After all you are the bride and it wouldn't be a bachlorette party without the bride to be! Tongue Out
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  •  If you want to have a bachelorette party, and your girls are not handling it, give one/all of them a date and say we are having it this date, this is the best for me, tell me where and when to show up.  Problem solved.  Make sure you have a premade list of who you want invited and include this when giving them a date.  You shouldn't plan it but I would not leave something like that entirely up to others either. Also, if you would rather just have friends over to watch rom coms, or want to go out and do the classic get drunk and see male strippers, etc. tell them that, too.  I have planned these and it's a pain to try to get this info out of a bride the closer it gets to the wedding date.  And as a bride, you don't want to make it stressful for anyone else.  So tell them they what and when you want it and spread the info wealth around.  They'll figure it out.
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