I think the wedding is off

melb2013

I just got another email from FSIL and she was very clear that this email from her and her parents together.  It basicaly told me that I'm a selfish b*tch who made their son turn against them.  They said that I put him in the middle and even though I've never directly said anything to them, they know it all came from me (so not true).  It said that they didn't get ANYTHING they wanted for this wedding and I am being rude, insulting, and disrespectful and since they aren't getting anything they want out of this wedding, they have no problem with us canceling.

Of course, I got the email this morning, and last night FI left for a business trip to Canada and has no phone communication until Friday when he gets back.  We skype every night when he's out of the country, so I have to wait for that to discuss this with him, but if they have no problem canceling this wedding, neither do I.  Furthermore, they are not welcome in my house anymore.  At this point, I feel willing to give up and tell them that they win- they can have their son back without me.

turtleslove

From what I understand your FI isn't giving up on you!? Don't give up on him! Don't do anything until you talk to him, and you have agreed on what is going to be done!
I'm so sorry

RebCappon

That is ridiculous! Your future in laws are nutso ( I feel like you should be on that show monster in laws)

I say cancel the big thing and have the ceremony that you want with the friends and family that are loving and supportive. 

melb2013

RIght now, the only way I'm getting married is if we have a private ceremony with my parents there only.  I don't want his parents and sister there after all this.  We've considered this in the past and I want to go to this beautiful town hall in a town just outside of Boston, get married there with my parents (I could never get married without my parents there) and go out to a nice dinner.  I could never have dinner with his parents and sister and my parents after all of this.

Annas2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-think-the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:a81538e6-2e51-4c55-98e6-06566df893fePost:7b28622b-be73-4b2c-9fa1-1e64f40d3186">Re: I think the wedding is off</a>:
[QUOTE]RIght now, the only way I'm getting married is if we have a private ceremony with my parents there only.  I don't want his parents and sister there after all this.  We've considered this in the past and I want to go to this beautiful town hall in a town just outside of Boston, get married there with my parents (I could never get married without my parents there) and go out to a nice dinner.  I could never have dinner with his parents and sister and my parents after all of this.
Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Then that's what you should do.  Make it small and meaningful and free of crazy rude people.  I'm so sorry you're having to go through all that!  I'm sure skyping with your FI will help you feel better and y'all can decide what to do then.  </div>

RebCappon

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-think-the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:a81538e6-2e51-4c55-98e6-06566df893fePost:7b28622b-be73-4b2c-9fa1-1e64f40d3186">Re: I think the wedding is off</a>:
[QUOTE]RIght now, the only way I'm getting married is if we have a private ceremony with my parents there only.  I don't want his parents and sister there after all this.  We've considered this in the past and I want to go to this beautiful town hall in a town just outside of Boston, get married there with my parents (I could never get married without my parents there) and go out to a nice dinner.  I could never have dinner with his parents and sister and my parents after all of this.
Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

<div>This sounds amazing.</div>

jojo01041982

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-think-the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:a81538e6-2e51-4c55-98e6-06566df893fePost:770c9187-ef61-435f-894c-d74c035b7728">Re: I think the wedding is off</a>:
[QUOTE]That is ridiculous! Your future in laws are <strong>nutso </strong>( I feel like you should be on that show monster in laws) I say cancel the big thing and have the ceremony that you want with the friends and family that are loving and supportive. 
Posted by RebCappon[/QUOTE]

Agreed!!  Sorry to hear you are going through this! 

SSaltzman87

I'm sorry they're being so difficult. I think you and FI have a ton to talk about tonight! Whatever decision you guys come to will be for the best.

jfox113

So sorry to hear this. Remember, you and your FI's wedding/marriage is about YOU TWO, and no one else. Don't give up on your FI if he supports you. I hope everything works out. Good luck!!!

rswans

I'm sorry for you having to all this craziness. I definitely don't blame you for wanting a small private ceremony after everything you've done and all the compromises you've made. Hopefully things will work out for the best. Also, even though the email is said to come from all of them, since your FSIL has put words into your FILs mouth before, let your FI talk to them before you make a final decision. Either way, good luck!

Texasgal05

I hope you get to skype with your FI and talk everything through. I just cannot imagine how you feel right now.
There is a reason why he chose you - remember that!

RWolff

Did you guys plan something bigger because it was what you two wanted, or to try to appease his family? If it's because it's what you guys wanted, don't let them rain on your parade! If he is willing to cut ties (at least temporarily) go ahead without them. If you want to be the "bigger person," don't rescind the invitation to them, but make sure you and FI are on the same page about what behavior you expect from them on that day.

If you never wanted the big wedding in the first place, your idea sounds lovely, and there should be zero guilt or bad feelings associated with the new plan.

So sorry you're going through this.

EDIT: Just saw all your other posts about this topic. Ugh what uneccesary drama. At this point, ditch anything that makes you unhappy and do what you and FI want.

SRRL18

She's ridiculous and out of line. Honestly, I wouldn't cancel your wedding, especially over them. Why would let expect you to cancel it because of them? Are they contributing to it?

vchan4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-think-the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:a81538e6-2e51-4c55-98e6-06566df893fePost:22760f53-fc19-4705-870a-0764f477044e">Re: I think the wedding is off</a>:
[QUOTE]She's ridiculous and out of line. Honestly, I wouldn't cancel your wedding, especially over them. Why would let expect you to cancel it because of them? Are they contributing to it?
Posted by SRRL18[/QUOTE]

I think based on previous posts (and Mel you can correct me if I'm wrong) she was only doing the big wedding for FI's family. If anything, they want it to be bigger than it already is.

I think you're idea sounds lovely and its probably a lot closer to what you initially envisioned. I'm sure whatever decision you and your FI come to, it will be what you both wanted for your special day (not FI's family!) GL

TogetherPerfect

I agree with Annas... If they are putting you through all of this just to please them, forget them. They can keep their money and you guys can  do what you want to do. But personally, I wouldn't be able to give up on FI. If I'm understanding correctly, he has stood up for you through all of this, right? If he's the one who backs down, I understand, but if he's right there by you, I would still marry him. For better or worse, right? If you were planning on marrying him, surely he's worth the trouble his family seems to bring. Good luck with everything and let us know how it all goes.

MamaBear904

I am so sorry you are going through this. Anoying in-laws can be the end of many marriages (I had a helping dose of this in my last marriage). Please don't let this come between what you and your FI have. It sounds like he has been on the same page with you and just as upset and frustrated at all this as you have been. You are angry right now (and have EVERY right to be) and you may be thinking drastically because of how fed up you are.

If this big wedding is not what you and FI wanted - absolutely cancel it. Plan the wedding that would make you happy (small and intimate). I don't know what to say about not at least inviting the in-laws, I know you don't want to, but if he is close with his family, may want to at least invite them. Even though, by the sound of it, they wont go simply out of spite.

All in all, its so sad to hear and I hope you and FI can work things out.

augurey

So sorry you are dealing with this Your FI's family sounds absolutely awful - and that's just going by all of your other posts I have read.

Their "invovlment" is not fair to you and your FI. Definitely wait for your FI to get home & discuss it before deciding anything. I can't even imagine what you are feeling right now.

I agree with the PP that you should have the wedding that you want; you, your FI and your parents. Your wedding turned into everything they wanted, and that's not fair. You both should have the wedding that you both want.

I hope you and your FI are able to talk about this & come to a decision you are both happy with.

Thinking of you.

FLGatorGal88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-think-the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:a81538e6-2e51-4c55-98e6-06566df893fePost:7b28622b-be73-4b2c-9fa1-1e64f40d3186">Re: I think the wedding is off</a>:
[QUOTE]RIght now, the only way I'm getting married is if we have a private ceremony with my parents there only.  I don't want his parents and sister there after all this.  We've considered this in the past and I want to go to this beautiful town hall in a town just outside of Boston, get married there with my parents (I could never get married without my parents there) and go out to a nice dinner.  I could never have dinner with his parents and sister and my parents after all of this.
Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

First, I am sorry you are having to deal with this. Do what you and your FI want to do whether it be going to the town hall or continue to have the wedding. Regardless of what you decide be sure to weigh all the options. I hope you get to talk to your FI soon.

AMISSA31

Don't give up on him.  We can't choose family.  Talk with FI in detail when he gets back. 

melb2013

I talked to FI twice today.  He had phone calls with me, my mother, his sister, and his parents to talk (we're going to have a very large phone bill coming our way!).  His father wasn't home, but his mother seemed to think everything was all sunshine and roses except that she insists that half of the stuff we did for them, they wouldn't have cared about... they only think that now because we gave in so quickly there was no fight because we were trying to avoid a fight... 

His sister called him and he said he spent a good part of the conversation yelling at her and she didn't have a chance to say much but did somewhat apologize.

FI's pretty sure the email came from his dad and his sister- he thought it sounded very much like his dad.  He called me first and I told him I will only marry him if he accepts that they will never be welcome in my house and he can go visit them in NY without me.  He's going to go to see his family this weekend and lay down the law with all of them at once.  He's going to tell them that if they can't back off, they can't be part of our lives anymore. 

He asked me what my mother thought about everything- he really respects her opinion.  I didn't say much about it, so I think that's why he called her.  She just trying to tell him what he's in for if we go through with this (this situation is my parent's story all over again, btw) and he said he would go to city hall tomorrow to marry me and he would do anything to make this work out.

I sat down and added up how much money we would lose if we canceled everything- it's A LOT of money at this point.  Like too much money to turn back and just elope.  If we can work things out, we're going to take out everything from the wedding that his family insisted on and do it like that.  The only thing I can't change is the guest list (I'd like to tailor that down a bunch)- we already sent out STDs and I can't uninvite people.

SSaltzman87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-think-the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:a81538e6-2e51-4c55-98e6-06566df893fePost:af651e55-1e05-4250-acb5-9c0338951def">Re: I think the wedding is off</a>:
[QUOTE]I talked to FI twice today.  <strong>He had phone calls with me, my mother, his sister, and his parents to talk </strong>(we're going to have a very large phone bill coming our way!).  His father wasn't home, but his mother seemed to think everything was all sunshine and roses except that she insists that half of the stuff we did for them, they wouldn't have cared about... they only think that now because we gave in so quickly there was no fight because we were trying to avoid a fight...  <strong>His sister called him and he said he spent a good part of the conversation yelling at her</strong> and she didn't have a chance to say much but did somewhat apologize. FI's pretty sure the email came from his dad and his sister- he thought it sounded very much like his dad.  <strong>He called me first and I told him I will only marry him if he accepts that they will never be welcome in my house and he can go visit them in NY without me.  He's going to go to see his family this weekend and lay down the law with all of them at once.  </strong>
Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]
I'm glad things are faring well for you guys. The bolded parts were the things that made me SO happy that you have a guy that's so willing to stand up for you as a couple :-)<div>
</div><div>All of this crap is going to be worth it in the end. I completely agree with you on paring down the stuff his family insisted on, even if you end up eating some of your deposit money. Sanity and peace of mind are more important.</div>

Swazzle

I'm so sorry your FILs are so crazy. 

I hope it all works out for you!

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-think-the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:a81538e6-2e51-4c55-98e6-06566df893fePost:4900ac6f-62ab-4b27-aa3b-dc8cd3fc1980">Re: I think the wedding is off</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I think the wedding is off : I'm glad things are faring well for you guys. <strong>The bolded parts were the things that made me SO happy that you have a guy that's so willing to stand up for you as a couple :-) </strong>All of this crap is going to be worth it in the end. I completely agree with you on paring down the stuff his family insisted on, even if you end up eating some of your deposit money. Sanity and peace of mind are more important.
Posted by SSaltzman87[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Thanks, you're such a sweetheart!  Everyone here has been so supportive- it's been a nice outlet to vent and I appreciate you all reading and supporting :)

</div>

augurey

I'm really glad you were able to talk to your FI. He sounds absolutely amazing. I think it speaks volumes, the way he is handling the situation and that he is completely by your side in all of this.

You can choose your FI, but unfortunately you really can't choose your in-laws.

I hope, from this, that you are able to have more of the wedding that you both originally wanted, even if you can't reduce the number of guests.

TogetherPerfect

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-think-the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:a81538e6-2e51-4c55-98e6-06566df893fePost:e33c8496-52cf-4a57-9d79-6b14b06c5a4f">Re: I think the wedding is off</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm really glad you were able to talk to your FI. He sounds absolutely amazing. I think it speaks volumes, the way he is handling the situation and that he is completely by your side in all of this. You can choose your FI, but unfortunately you really can't choose your in-laws. I hope, from this, that you are able to have more of the wedding that you both originally wanted, even if you can't reduce the number of guests.
Posted by augurey[/QUOTE]
Agreed. Took the words out of my mouth. :)

emmyloveseddie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-think-the-wedding-is-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:a81538e6-2e51-4c55-98e6-06566df893fePost:770c9187-ef61-435f-894c-d74c035b7728">Re: I think the wedding is off</a>:
[QUOTE]That is ridiculous! Your future in laws are nutso ( I feel like you should be on that show monster in laws) I say cancel the big thing and have the ceremony that you want with the friends and family that are loving and supportive. 
Posted by RebCappon[/QUOTE]
 <div>
</div><div>I agree !! You will never make everybody happy and its just about you and your FI.  I'm so sorry about this ;(</div>

aprahamian2

Agree with PPs. So sad to read this post....I really hope everything works out for you and FI, and his family really needs to butt out. Sorry to hear about all this stress you have going on, and definitely keep us posted! Just remember that you are marrying FI, not his obnoxious family.