Wedding in May

Desi127

Not sure how to delete posts so I'm just editing them

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_wedding-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:b5677e68-2968-4fac-bc81-d1e67fc51651Post:500862f4-6cb9-4ea9-b8c1-d5e3cbed8a7b">Wedding Drama :(</a>:
[QUOTE]So, is it just me or has anyone else's families/friends gone crazy with the start of wedding planning? My fiance and I are paying for our own wedding next year because my family can't help and we want to have full decision making  power...easy right? Not so much! First sign of trouble came when I chose my bridesmaids who are 3 of my best friends. My fiance's parents  tried to bribe him with $$ to get me to have his sister in the party. First off, she and I are not friends and she is horrible to me whenever we're all together (finace is aware of this and has agreed on several occasions). However, since his parents offered money (with strings attached) he now is telling me that he doesn't understand why I can't just do what they say to make them happy. That has started a string of huge blow-ups between us. Needless to say, the subject finally got dropped (and the money offer was withdrawn) but his parents are apparently livid with me. <strong>The kicker? Nobody (except fiance) has actually come to me with this - it's all been done by his parents through emails and phone calls with him!!</strong> Problem #2 - I asked a good friend of mine to be a bridesmaid but she said that she plans onhaving a baby around that time. She said she'd be in the wedding but would most likely have to drop out at the last minute because of the baby situation. I asked her if she wouldn't mind just being a guest in that case since she's already planning on not being able to particpate. She then stopped speaking to me...good friend huh?? I just had to vent for a minute there!
Posted by Desi127[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That's the way it should be.  You don't want to be having confrontations with your in-laws.  It's best if all of it goes through your FI- they are his parents.  </div><div>
</div><div>Huge red flag that they tried to bribe you!  How ridiculous!  What did your FI think about that?</div><div>
</div><div>I had a similar situation with my soon-to-be-in-laws.  They were willing to help pay for our wedding but only if we did it totally their way.  The difference was that my FI was willing to stand up for our decisions.  Without any confrontation, we simply said thank you, but no thank you to the money.  Then my FI continued to lay down the law about our decisions concerning the wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>It's really important that you and your FI get on the same page about his family.  They're not going anywhere and the wedding is only the first step in making decisions together, independent of his family.

</div>

SSaltzman87

PP is right in that your FI should be the one handling his parents. Your FILs sound incredibly vindictive, controlling and just downright mean. I hope your FI grows some gigantic balls during your wedding planning, otherwise your ILs will control your life. Plus, it WILL impact your marriage.

You definitely have the right idea in financing your wedding yourselves. Since these things have come up, I would be more tight lipped about who you divulge details too, therefore nobody can comment on anything or attempt to bribe you :-)

As far as your friend goes, I think that her being a BM should've been solely her decision when the time comes instead of you saying she should just be a guest if she has her baby. It sounds very backhanded and that's probably why she's not talking to you. An apology might be necessary and to explain that you'd love to have her as a BM, but should she have her baby- she could be an honorary BM.

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_wedding-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:b5677e68-2968-4fac-bc81-d1e67fc51651Post:b4f772ba-0710-4080-ad2d-2e5bfc0a4c05">Re: Wedding Drama :(</a>:
[QUOTE]PP is right in that your FI should be the one handling his parents. Your FILs sound incredibly vindictive, controlling and just downright mean. I hope your FI grows some gigantic balls during your wedding planning, otherwise your ILs will control your life. Plus, it WILL impact your marriage. You definitely have the right idea in financing your wedding yourselves. Since these things have come up, I would be more tight lipped about who you divulge details too, therefore nobody can comment on anything or attempt to bribe you :-) <strong>As far as your friend goes, I think that her being a BM should've been solely her decision when the time comes instead of you saying she should just be a guest if she has her baby. It sounds very backhanded and that's probably why she's not talking to you. An apology might be necessary and to explain that you'd love to have her as a BM, but should she have her baby- she could be an honorary BM.</strong>
Posted by SSaltzman87[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree with this.

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SRRL18

I can't believe his parents brided you! That's ridiculous. Always let for FI deal with his family issues. I've tried to take care of my issues with FI's family and although he's on the same page as me about them, it's a part place to be in.

As for you friend, I thinnk you should apologize. There is no reason for someone to not be a BM because of a baby, my aunt, a BM, is pregnant right now, granted the baby will be born before the wedding but she will have the job of dealing with a newborn. Should the baby become cranky at any point she may have to care for him if the father is having a rough time.

ChefBride524

I guess I will be the sole dissenter here ...

A.) I think you should *both* approach issues like this because you want to project a united front. When it's about you both as a unit it's not as easy for them to decide that YOU'RE the villian who's steamrolling your FI.

B.) I think you should ask your FSIL to be a maid. It won't kill you. She'll simply stand there next to you at the ceremony and then pose in some photos. You won't be handcuffed to her for the night. You'll have your other closer friends as buffers in case she gets a bit snippy at any pre wedding events. And more importantly, it will go a long way in setting the tone for a good relationship in the future, not just with her but with (it sounds like) all your in-laws. If you don't ask her simply as a matter of principle ("she's a meanie and I don't want her to look at me on MYYY DAAAAAAAAYYY!!!") then you'll win the battle of your Day, and then there will be bad blood that you'll hear about at every Thanksgiving, Christmas, Arbor Day ...

Pick your battles - ask her. And be the bigger person about it as well. Go to her and your in-laws and say that although you've been stressed out lately you didn't mean to start things off on an unfriendly foot; that you would love for her to be in your bridal party AND that you will not accept a dime from your in-laws in exchange because the honor will be yours.

ChefBride524

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_wedding-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:b5677e68-2968-4fac-bc81-d1e67fc51651Post:71c58da5-e0e5-4262-8080-818cc998bce8">Re: Wedding Drama :(</a>:
[QUOTE] I didn't mean to offend her but I also want to have some kind of order and committment from people.
Posted by Desi127[/QUOTE]

I think we can all understand that, but keep in mind this is STILL a year to go. Dresses don't have to be ordered yet, boquets don't have to be ordered yet, programs don't have to be printed yet. And it sounds like she and her husband haven't even conceived yet.

Maybe she just wanted you to gush with her about a baby and you ignored her announcement entirely and talked about nothing but your wedding?

Also, I still stand by what I said about sucking it up and asking FSIL! :)

ChefBride524

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_wedding-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:b5677e68-2968-4fac-bc81-d1e67fc51651Post:22f28b34-5eed-457d-87e0-37795248bdc3">Re: Wedding Drama :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Drama :( : And as for the FSIL thing, my fiance's dad wrote in one of his emails that "the pictures won't be an memorable and the day won't be as special" if FSIL isn't a BM. I was offended by that.
Posted by Desi127[/QUOTE]

Why? Sorry to be the Debbie Downer, but he's right.

Weddings are about family. I can understand him wanting to look at pictures and see the WHOLE family in them.

RebCappon

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_wedding-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:b5677e68-2968-4fac-bc81-d1e67fc51651Post:b4f772ba-0710-4080-ad2d-2e5bfc0a4c05">Re: Wedding Drama :(</a>:
[QUOTE]PP is right in that your FI should be the one handling his parents. Your FILs sound incredibly vindictive, controlling and just downright mean. I hope your FI grows some gigantic balls during your wedding planning, otherwise your ILs will control your life. Plus, it WILL impact your marriage. You definitely have the right idea in financing your wedding yourselves. Since these things have come up, I would be more tight lipped about who you divulge details too, therefore nobody can comment on anything or attempt to bribe you :-)<strong> As far as your friend goes, I think that her being a BM should've been solely her decision when the time comes instead of you saying she should just be a guest if she has her baby. It sounds very backhanded and that's probably why she's not talking to you. An apology might be necessary and to explain that you'd love to have her as a BM, but should she have her baby- she could be an honorary BM</strong>.
Posted by SSaltzman87[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.

You weren't trying to offend her but maybe she took it that way. I personally don't really understand why she would say yes I want to be a BM but if I have a baby then no I don't want to.