May 2013 Weddings

Family issues..Vent

I know this is kind of irrelevant, but I have to vent.     I come from a really Big Family, which at times is plagued with unnecessary drama, etc. Some individuals arent on speaking terms with others, and not speaking to me as well.  so on and so forth. Now that my wedding is coming up, they are now trying to be all friendly and not quite genuine about it, so that they can be invited. I honestly feel like I'm over any all drama and the individuals involved. I want FI and My day to be full of love, laughter and to be shared with people who are and have been on good terms with us during our time together. Do I have I have too invite them? Or how do I politely tell them if, and when that I wasnt interested in having any drama apart of our day.  

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Re: Family issues..Vent

  • I have a similar situation I'm just not extending an invitation to them to be honest, I don't even know if they know I'm engaged. Even if they were invited this person has never been to Florida and not fan of flying so I doubt they'd come. Good luck with your situation!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_family-issuesvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:c587505d-e0de-4602-b79c-848d8123702aPost:05393bbe-35b3-4f87-962c-da20d1d4abae">Family issues..Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know this is kind of irrelevant, but I have to vent.     I come from a really Big Family, which at times is plagued with unnecessary drama, etc. Some individuals arent on speaking terms with others, and not speaking to me as well.  so on and so forth. Now that my wedding is coming up, they are now trying to be all friendly and not quite genuine about it, so that they can be invited. I honestly feel like I'm over any all drama and the individuals involved. I want FI and My day to be full of love, laughter and to be shared with people who are and have been on good terms with us during our time together. Do I have I have too invite them? Or how do I politely tell them if, and when that I wasnt interested in having any drama apart of our day.  
    Posted by ine0815[/QUOTE]

    I'm in the same boat in regards to inviting family that don't really have anything to do with me, let alone us as a couple. My theory is, just because you have a title, doesn't mean you need to be invited. If you can't put an effort into being a family member before the wedding.. why on earth would I need you there the day of. I want people at our wedding who are there for us as individuals and as a couple. I don't want people there who have titles.. just b/c they have a title. And thankfully, my mom & dad support my decision on this. FI thinks I should just let it go, but I'm not willing to back down on how I feel. Do what you feel is right when it comes to inviting who you want, don't invite because of titles.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_family-issuesvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:c587505d-e0de-4602-b79c-848d8123702aPost:7496f1b7-01f3-45ad-ba21-effaa64297b7">Re:Family issues..Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have a similar situation I'm just not extending an invitation to them to be honest, I don't even know if they know I'm engaged. Even if they were invited this person has never been to Florida and not fan of flying so I doubt they'd come. Good luck with your situation!
    Posted by Danny&Mel2003[/QUOTE] Thanks for sharing. I was feeling alone and torn with the fact that I feel obligated but truthfully I would rather that Our wedding day be free of any and all drama. Best of luck to you on all your planning :) I see your in South Florida as well.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_family-issuesvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:c587505d-e0de-4602-b79c-848d8123702aPost:c9115678-22c5-41bb-a158-a135fe8b67b6">Re: Family issues..Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Family issues..Vent : I'm in the same boat in regards to inviting family that don't really have anything to do with me, let alone us as a couple. My theory is, just because you have a title, doesn't mean you need to be invited. If you can't put an effort into being a family member before the wedding.. why on earth would I need you there the day of. I want people at our wedding who are there for us as individuals and as a couple. I don't want people there who have titles.. just b/c they have a title. And thankfully, my mom & dad support my decision on this. FI thinks I should just let it go, but I'm not willing to back down on how I feel. Do what you feel is right when it comes to inviting who you want, don't invite because of titles.
    Posted by tandrosoff[/QUOTE]
    I feel the exact same way. I was feeling kind of obligated and a bit guilty for not wanting to include them. Like you stated, they haven't really tried to be apart of the family, or apart of my and Fi lives. I really want to steer clear of the drama and negativity that it entails and will be highly considering leaving them off my guest list. Thanks for sharing your advice and story as well. :)
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  • You're not required to invite anyone regardless of their connection to you. Sounds like your situation is a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' kind of situation. You are right in that your wedding should be a happy occasion with people you love and care about, and they feel the same about you guys. I'd just be careful about who you divulge information to so nobody gets the wrong idea.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_family-issuesvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:c587505d-e0de-4602-b79c-848d8123702aPost:ef62456d-f2d9-443b-8756-bca210d16971">Re: Family issues..Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're not required to invite anyone regardless of their connection to you. Sounds like your situation is a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' kind of situation. You are right in that your wedding should be a happy occasion with people you love and care about, and they feel the same about you guys. I'd just be careful about who you divulge information to so nobody gets the wrong idea.
    Posted by SSaltzman87[/QUOTE]
     Sure does feel like a damned if you, damn if you don't situation. I'm trying not let it get to me so I can enjoy the rest of my planning. I have been pretty tighted lipped about it, but I'm currently awaiting the arrival of the STD's. With that being said,  I think I'll just go with sending them to the OOT guests first and then slowly filter them out to the people we know for sure are being invited to the wedding.
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  • You don't HAVE to invite anyone!

    If it helps, here's my $0.02:

    Before deciding on a specific person, ask yourself:
    "Will I mind if they aren't at my wedding?"

    If the answer is "yes," send an invite.

    If the answer is "no," then ask yourself:
    "Is it likely we/my family and they will work out our differences in the next 2 years and would it make it uncomfortable and awkward later to have excluded them?"
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_family-issuesvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:c587505d-e0de-4602-b79c-848d8123702aPost:05393bbe-35b3-4f87-962c-da20d1d4abae">Family issues..Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]Or how do I politely tell them if, and when that I wasnt interested in having any drama apart of our day.  
    Posted by ine0815[/QUOTE]

    There's no need to give them such an explanation if you choose not to invite them. If they ask, a simple "we're keeping it intimate, our guest list is small."
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_family-issuesvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:c587505d-e0de-4602-b79c-848d8123702aPost:c13a85c2-d553-4f44-84bb-941100480977">Re: Family issues..Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Family issues..Vent : There's no need to give them such an explanation if you choose not to invite them. If they ask, a simple "we're keeping it intimate, our guest list is small."
    Posted by ChefBride524[/QUOTE]
    Thanks for your advice. I appreciate another prospective. I won't be telling them reasons why, but only that were keeping it intimate. Thanks again.
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  • SRRL18SRRL18 member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments
    We've got recent issues with some of FIs family, in short, no invite. They'd have to right A LOT of wrongs from now until January to get an invite. To make matters worse, it's my FSIL and FMIL I'm talking about.
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    [QUOTE]To make matters worse, <strong>it's my FSIL and FMIL I'm talking about.
    </strong>Posted by SRRL18[/QUOTE]

    Tread. Carefully!.

    :(
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    [QUOTE]You don't HAVE to invite anyone! If it helps, here's my $0.02: Before deciding on a specific person, ask yourself: "Will I mind if they aren't at my wedding?" If the answer is "yes," send an invite. If the answer is "no," then ask yourself: "Is it likely we/my family and they will work out our differences in the next 2 years and would it make it uncomfortable and awkward later to have excluded them?"
    Posted by ChefBride524[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This.  I'll also add that if they are within the same "circles" of relatives, you need to ask yourself "is this going to cause more drama than it's worth?".  I know there are people in my family who I would rather not invite because of drama, but it would cause 1000x more drama to invite them when I'm inviting other people who are in the same "circle".

    </div>

    May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations

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  • In Response to Re:Family issues..Vent:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Family issues..Vent:I have a similar situation I'm just not extending an invitation to them to be honest, I don't even know if they know I'm engaged. Even if they were invited this person has never been to Florida and not fan of flying so I doubt they'd come. Good luck with your situation!Posted by Dannyamp;Mel2003 Thanks for sharing. I was feeling alone and torn with the fact that I feel obligated but truthfully I would rather that Our weddingnbsp;day be free of any and all drama. Best of luck to you on all your planning : I see your in South Florida as well. Posted by ine0815[/QUOTE]

    I sure am hating that mother nature is indecisive of rain lol iPhone app doesn't show me where you are but I'm guessing the same! One thing I've learned there is definitely someone else out there who has had an issue very similar to ours. No one can really tell you how to handle it you just need todo what best for you and your family it's your day you don't need added stress.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_family-issuesvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:c587505d-e0de-4602-b79c-848d8123702aPost:5a5b8082-9ddc-4585-b867-d9603f212ae1">Re: Family issues..Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Family issues..Vent :  I know there are people in my family who I would rather not invite because of drama, but it would cause 1000x more drama to invite them when I'm inviting other people who are in the same "circle".
    Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

    THIS x 100!

    I have a weird family situation myself (which I won't bore you with right now) but I have an aunt whom I have not spoken a word to in almost 10 years and so thought nothing of inviting her since our wedding is so intimate. But my grandmother (her mother) is giving me such grief about it, I'm starting to think it might be easier paying for her and her new husband's f***ing meals (at $50 per head) than to have to listen to her badger me during every single conversation (wedding-related or not, she finds a way to bring it up) for the next 11 months.

    *le sigh*
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  • SRRL18SRRL18 member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_family-issuesvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:c587505d-e0de-4602-b79c-848d8123702aPost:24dc4a27-85c9-4763-8eda-239737e5b6bc">Re: Family issues..Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Family issues..Vent : Tread. Carefully!. :(
    Posted by ChefBride524[/QUOTE]

    I've let FI decide on everything when it comes to his family. My mouth is shut regardless of what he may say.
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    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Family issues..Vent : I've let FI decide on everything when it comes to his family. My mouth is shut regardless of what he may say.
    Posted by SRRL18[/QUOTE]<div>Same here!  His family issues are not my concern!  Here's a fun story about my FI's family... his mother's brother is married to his father's sister.  They've been married for probably 30 years and permanently separated for about 5 years.  They are both invited to the wedding, but I guess we can't sit them anywhere near each other!</div><div>
    </div>

    May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations

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  • edited June 2012
    nah, don't invite em. I'm not inviting my own grandmother b/c of all the drama she brings to the table. LOL. Although, that's also kind of a running joke. She never calls me, asks about me or my kids. So the joke was "we'll tell her you're getting a divorce when she asks how you're doing".... 2 years later she found out I was divorced through my cousin. Whoops.
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