What would you do in my situation???

Soon2bStaff

Background: FI and I meet at a four year college on the first day freshman year. So, for almost four full years we were "married" dinner every night in one of our apartments, sleeping the zz kindlol together almost every night, etc. Well after we graduated we both moved back home with our parents. We have been doing the long distance relationship for almost four years now with only seeing each other on the weekends we live an hour and 15 minutes away from each other. FI might be getting a new job but we don't find out until August so instead of buying, we are renting for a year; we felt it was better than getting a house and then relocating in a few months. Well we found the perfect place that is right in the middle of both of our work places and we actually move in this Sunday!! yayayayay HERE'S my delimma... I wasn't going to move my body in until after the wedding. So from now to May 20th I'll move my stuff in some days after work work to house is 40 min drive, then home to parents house is an hour. Well I know I'm not going to want to do that.. That's a lot of driving! So then I thought okay on the weekends but FI will be there so we will technically be living together which I thought I didn't want until after the wedding. I'm trying to keep that special feeling of "we are married this is our house this is the first time blah blah but its turning out more stressful and a lot more inconvenient than if we just moved in. FI will be living there 80 of the time after Sunday since he can't justify paying rent and not living there. HERE'S the other delimma...tmi This weekend is our last weekend to have sex. Totally was thinking about doing this a long time ago but with only seeing each other 4 times a month and FI "not remembering" I said the last time was the last time lol we agreed this weekend is the last time. BUT!!!!!!!!! We will be in the new house so not only are we thinking about moving in before I wanted to but we are having sex in the new house not as husband and wife. But again, i thought i wanted it all to be new special in the new place but it's just harder and making me stressed! Wow.. After writing this I feel better lol thanks for listening and please let me know what you would do in my situation. Do we move him in now and I go visit him during day trips then come home or do we both move in and I spend the night here and there. No matter what though I'm not moving moving in until May 20th ... I just need help figuring out what to do until then!! Ahh

gsg717

Do you think you could stay there overnight a few times a week, or on weekends, and not have sex? If you can resist, then I'd say stay on weekends or every other night. That'd give you time to be at your place to pack stuff, there the next night to drop off stuff and stay. Go to work the next day, and then go home again. That way, you also won't be staying there so long so that it feels like you're living there.

If you think staying there would make you feel too much like you're living there, or make you want to do "the do", then I'd say wait. Either take things by the house one or two days/week and don't stay, or do it the old fashioned way and just pack up your things in boxes at your house and move all on one big day post-wedding.

Regardless, it sounds like there's a particular way you want to start off in your new house, and in your marriage. I think it's important to do what you can to preserve that while still preserving your sanity. It may take sarifice in some areas, but you'll figure out a way that works for you. Good Luck!

caitlinc09

No one can tell you what to do because it's your relationship and you guys need to decide together! But, I will share my story that might help give you a different perspective.

FI and I have been together all through college and slept over a lot even at the beginning (we lived in the same dorm haha). Fast forward 3 years and we moved into an apartment together for our last year of school. We moved in in May and he proposed in August. 

I completely understand what you are saying about it being special for being married and moving into your first place and all that. And we are moving right after the wedding so we will still get that special first place that is actually OURS as a married couple. I know it will still be really special because we will be husband and wife and not just dating or engaged, even though we have already been living together for a year. 

I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself for everything to be special and perfect. It will be no matter what because it's a very special day and moving into your place officially will be very exciting! Just my thoughts

toothpastechica

I hear you! We bought a house in December, but because I moved back home to save money while in school and my parents are very religious, its not an option to move into the new house with him until after the wedding without causing major drama (family not coming to the wedding etc etc).

We also agreeed to no (more) sex till the wedding when we started our pre-marital counselling (a term of the pastor is is going to marry us - he asked that we stop till the wedding).

Not gonna lie its hard, the new house is half an hour away and a lot of my stuff is there ( I am in the guest room at my parents so most of my stuff was in storage until we bought the house) so I drive back and forth probably 5 times a week, and I dont stay there overnight. I think leaving every night...as much as it sucks, is the only way we are able to not 'do the deed', so in some ways its good that we are not living together, makes it easier to not have sex, but thers times when its freaking hard no matter what. But with less then 6 weeks to go, hopefully sleeping in seperate houses pays off! hahahhah cant wait till that honeymoon!

mandi921vh

I think only you can answer this decision. FI and I dated for two years in college, sleeping in each others' dorm rooms, then we moved into an apartment together. He proposed a year later. Then a year after that we moved back to where I grew up and are now living in a rental house. This arrangement worked for us, once we are married nothing will really change however we will be married, which is just as special to us

AurorasEnvy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_what-would-you-do-in-my-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:138d8d1b-ec2a-4d3d-a7c1-5fa5a5e06f12Post:e4b66e85-35d2-4c94-b3fa-e9ae7f60d902">Re: What would you do in my situation???</a>:
[QUOTE] I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself for everything to be special and perfect. It will be no matter what because it's a very special day and moving into your place officially will be very exciting! Just my thoughts :)
Posted by caitlinc09[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this!  I just think you are overthinking it....it isn't going to be any more/less special moving in together because you aren't quite legally husband and wife.  FWIW, FI and I have been living together for 2 years.  And as far as the no sex thing goes...don't take this the wrong way, but it's not like you are trying to keep from doing it for the first time together or anything, so I don't necessarily see stopping for X amount of time before the wedding really important or necessary.  I just think you are going to be stressed enough with the wedding coming up and figuring out all the last minute details to waste more of your time commuting.  I'd just move in and be done with it =]</div>

mandydc0509

I'm actually moving in with my FI in about a week because it is the most practical thing to do.  It was either move or 1) Pay nearly $1k to rent my apartment for another month b/c my lease ends at the beginning of may or 2) move in with my parents. After living on campus for 5 years and living on my own for 2, I refuse to move back with my parents unless there is absolutely no where else to go, especially at 25 years old.  My mother isn't happy with this, but she'll have to get over it and my ivory dress lol.

I am REALLY excited to move to our house; it's a special thing for me. And your new home will feel the same. As far as the no sex thing, could you sleep in another room if its that important to you and your FI? That's my plan if it looks like I'm about to cave in; I'm trying to keep a promise I made myself in HS. Next month might be rough.

S0095042

Living together, not living together -- having sex in the new house, not having sex in the new house... no matter what it's going to be "special" after you're married. We've been living together for 4 years...it's still going to be 'special' b/c you're going to be married. this close...you don't need to be sweating this. do what is most convenience and makes the most sense...not what you're "supposed" to do.