Need advice on table seating situation...

gpapale1

Preface: My mom and dad are divorced, but it was amicable and they are still on speaking terms.  They are both now in new relationships.  My dad has met my mom's boyfriend, and they seem to get along okay.  My dad's girlfriend, M, has never met my mom, and I've actually heard through the grapevine that she's said some not-so-nice things about my mother (things that my dad told my mom).  She apparently thinks my parents should not be talking to each other at ALL, regardless of the fact that they have three children together...the youngest of whom (my brother D) is just turning 16 this summer.  I like M well enough, but she never had any kids, so I don't really think she understands that when parents are divorced, it's in the children's best interest if they get along and keep the lines of communication open (mostly for the sake of my youngest brother who was only 13 when they got the divorce).  It's especially important that they remain in touch because my dad lives in FL and my mom and brothers live in NJ.  I'm not sure if she actually said these things, or if she did say them what context they were said in.  She has never said anything rude about my mother in my presence, so I can't judge her based on what other people have told me she has said. 

This brings me to my dilemma: how do I arrange the seating for the reception?  I thought it would have been great to seat all the parents at one table: my dad and his gf, my mom and her bf, and FI's parents.  However, I don't want to accidentally set off some sort of standoff between M and my mom (my mom would never instigate such a thing, but I don't know M well enough to know whether or not she could manage to be civil).  If I seat my parents at separate tables, do I seat Jason's parents at their own table as well (i.e. 3 different tables for the 3 sets of parents)?  It seems like this would alleviate any fears that I have, but our parents have never met each other before, and I thought it would be nice if they could sit together at dinner.  They will pretty much all meet the day before the wedding.  Crazy, I know!

Any thoughts/advice?

amandad18

We don't have a similar situation to yours, but I am sitting FI's parents and mine separately with their respective brothers/ sisters (so our uncles/ aunts) and parents (our grandparents). Would you have enough family to fill up separate tables that way?

Personally, I would expect for them to all act like adults and suck it up for one day- Two of FI's uncles don't get along, but I'm putting them at a table together (albeit a large table) anyway ;p

gpapale1

I wouldn't be opposed to doing that, but most of my dad and mom's brothers and sisters won't be coming.   Our tables seat 8, which means that 6 spots would be filled at a table with my dad & his gf, my mom and her bf, and my two brothers.  A 7th seat would be filled if my Nonna (my dad's mom) shows up, and we could just leave the last seat empty...in case the two ladies need to sit as far apart as possible, LMAO

AurorasEnvy

Well, I have a similar situation:

-my parents (married)

-FI's bio dad, stepmom, & 2 little sisters (FI's parents have been divorced for like 25 years)

-FI's mom & her new boyfriend (been dating 1.5 years?)

-FI's ex-stepdad & his fiance (FI's mom and this guy had been married since FI was like 5, and only divorced like 3 years ago - ex-stepdad was who FI grew up living with his entire life).  Maury bonus point: fiance is ex-stepdad's brother's widow - wrap your head around that!

-FI's mom doesn't particularly like bio dad but can tolerate him and really hates ex-stepdad.  This is going to sound terrible & horrible, but FBIL's recent funeral was a good preview of everyone mixed.  All these people, plus FI & I, in a hospital room with our FSIL just hours after her husband died....FI's mom asking me if I was "excited for the wedding yet"? in front of everyone....so f#cking awkward it would be almost comical if it weren't for the reason we were there.

Anyways, total tangent...getting back to your question: We are doing a King's Table going down the center of the room - my family (aunts, uncles, parents, etc.) are seated on one side of us, FI's family is seated on the other side of us.  I put his mom & BF at one table, and then bio dad's family & ex-stepdad at the table right next door.  There's a couple of open seats at FI's mom's table....

I'd ask your dad what he really thinks new GF would do or if she'd be okay with that.  I guess personally I feel like your parents might want to enjoy the dinner with closer friends or family than people they just met, but just my opinion I suppose.  I assume if the new GF is like most adults she'd be civil, but like I said it might make the dinner awkward for everyone between sitting with people they don't know well and exes sitting together.

That probably isn't super helpful, but it's all I've got =]  Good luck, I feel your pain!  FI's mom doesn't think FI should have a relationship with ex-stepdad at all (despite FI living with him since he was 5 years old and having him as a "father" for over 20 years).  Adults can be so immature sometimes.

gpapale1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_need-advice-on-table-seating-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:1fea0ce1-d84d-4880-9aa8-75c4c23872aePost:6b3cba97-5435-4fb7-b967-b22c16a194e9">Re: Need advice on table seating situation...</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I have a similar situation: -my parents (married) -FI's bio dad, stepmom, & 2 little sisters (FI's parents have been divorced for like 25 years) -FI's mom & her new boyfriend (been dating 1.5 years?) -FI's ex-stepdad & his fiance (FI's mom and this guy had been married since FI was like 5, and only divorced like 3 years ago - ex-stepdad was who FI grew up living with his entire life).  Maury bonus point: fiance is ex-stepdad's brother's widow - wrap your head around that! -FI's mom doesn't particularly like bio dad but can tolerate him and really hates ex-stepdad.  This is going to sound terrible & horrible, but FBIL's recent funeral was a good preview of everyone mixed.  All these people, plus FI & I, in a hospital room with our FSIL just hours after her husband died....FI's mom asking me if I was "excited for the wedding yet"? in front of everyone....so f#cking awkward it would be almost comical if it weren't for the reason we were there. Anyways, total tangent...getting back to your question: We are doing a King's Table going down the center of the room - my family (aunts, uncles, parents, etc.) are seated on one side of us, FI's family is seated on the other side of us.  I put his mom & BF at one table, and then bio dad's family & ex-stepdad at the table right next door.  There's a couple of open seats at FI's mom's table.... I'd ask your dad what he really thinks new GF would do or if she'd be okay with that.  I guess personally I feel like your parents might want to enjoy the dinner with closer friends or family than people they just met, but just my opinion I suppose.  I assume if the new GF is like most adults she'd be civil, but like I said it might make the dinner awkward for everyone between sitting with people they don't know well and exes sitting together. That probably isn't super helpful, but it's all I've got =]  Good luck, I feel your pain!  FI's mom doesn't think FI should have a relationship with ex-stepdad at all (despite FI living with him since he was 5 years old and having him as a "father" for over 20 years).  Adults can be so immature sometimes.
Posted by AurorasEnvy[/QUOTE]

At least someone understands my family drama, lol!

Melissa51212

My parents are divorced and only talk when we have to...about me...I'm An only child so now that I'm 29 they can avoid each other ha! They both been remarried for 15 years...for the reception both parents have enough family to separate them but for the rehEasal dinner we decided to do assigned seating to keep the separate.. My dad gets along great with fi friends so his wife and step son will be with some of the GMs who are single. My mom going with some of my maids she knows and his parents with his brothers...we prob sit with his parents and tell my parents since they paid for it we thought it be nice to sit with them...ha my mom already asked me...well who are you going to sit with? Divorce...it's fun!

kimberlykh

Both of our parents are divorced.  Mine have been divorced for about 25 years and are both remarried and are fine with each other.  However, FI's parents have only been divorced for a few years, after being married for 37 years.  Neither are remarried, and there is still some really raw feelings there.  Originally, I had them all "hosting" a table and sat their friends and other family members with them.  But, it wasn't working out perfectly, so now I have my mom, stepdad, and her brother sitting with FI's dad and his siblings.  My dad is with his family and Greg's mom with her family.  I trust that you're family will act appropriately, but I would still separate them if you can.  You just never know.

dland0201

My parents are divorced and FI's are married. We are having 3 parent tables 1 for his parents and 1 for each of my parents. They each have their respective family members sitting with them. I'd seat them separately to make sure everything is smooth. My mom doesn't particulary like my dad's wife so I chose to keep them apart even though I'm sure my mom could behave herself for 1 day.

AurorasEnvy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_need-advice-on-table-seating-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:1fea0ce1-d84d-4880-9aa8-75c4c23872aePost:1d5d6fb1-31c1-4d56-8064-bc66e74c1ef6">Re: Need advice on table seating situation...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need advice on table seating situation... : At least someone understands my family drama, lol!
Posted by gpapale1[/QUOTE]

<div>If it makes you feel any better, myself, FI, and FSIL have decided that FMIL is going to be unhappy no matter what we do, so we're doing what we want.  It's okay to do what works best for you & your FI (and your seating chart), your family will deal with it - I mean come on, they only have to sit there for an hour anyways!  Good luck =]</div>

toothpastechica

I dont have this situation, but we do have birthfamily in attendence (both FI and I were adopted), we are putting everyone at different tables with people they know, a wedding isnt the place to make people sit with people they would rather not when theres tons of other family and friends around, seat them with any of thier friends who are invited if not a lot of family is coming. So my vote is 3 different tables.

mandi921vh

I think they should be able to be civil at your wedding, at least as long as they are eating. If they are unhappy with the arrangement they can move after dinner... maybe talk about this with your parents and see what they think?