not sure how I feel about this....

cpm1223

I was talking to a friend last night about the wedding and she mentioned that her husband, who is good friends with my FI, was hanging out with FI and FFIL and they were talking about FFIL bringing a date to the wedding.

FI's parents have been divorced for years, she recently re-married, and FI's Dad has been single for a long time. He's very "rough around the edges" and very picky when it comes to women. He drives me crazy because he's just looking (online & in bars) for women that are good looking, and nothing won't talk to anyone unless he approves of their looks first.

So the convo with FI, his friend and FFIL was mainly about how he was going to pick some "random hot chick" to bring to the wedding, not someone he wants to date, but rather someone who he hopes he can "show off."

I got a little irritated about this and I know he's allowed to bring whoever he wants to bring, but to pick someone "random" makes me feel like he's taking advantage of my parents who are footing the bill for the entire wedding.

We're also giving the wedding party "plus ones" and some of them are trying to figure out who to bring since they aren't dating anyone as of now, and part of me  just wishes people would say "ya know what, there's no one I'm dating, and I'd rather not bring someone who wouldn't know anyone to the wedding just to bring a plus one"

I"m not going to tell anyone who they can and cannot bring, but it just gets under my skin a little bit...

csgman

Maybe talk to your FI about it?  See what his reaction was when his father mentioned wanting to bring a random?  FI may feel uncomfortable about it too and plan on talking to his dad about it.  If FI is OK with it though, I think you kind of have to just accept it.

I know how you feel about friends taking advantage of the "plus 1" and I'm going through the same thing.  But I also agree you can't tell people who they can and cannot bring, so all you can really do is vent on these boards!!   Although we may interpret a plus one as "if you happen to be dating someone by the time of my wedding, you are more than welcome to invite them", some people interpret it as a open invitation to bring a friend/acquaintance/etc and there is really nothing you can do about it. 

evenundomiel

I hear ya. I posted earlier this week about my godmother bringing her new beau and not wanting me to invite her ex husband (my "uncle"). I really feel like some adults just can't be adults when they should be....sad. 

as for friends bringing plus ones....I did the same thing, because I knew that it'd be nice for them to be able to have a date there. I assumed that a lot of them would say whatever about bringing a date because they'll have lots of friends there....but sadly, that's not the case. Also sucky, my MOH is dating a CREEP. But, I have to grin and bear it. 

In the friend situation, I'm more lenient about them bringing dates because I know it must suck to go to a wedding alone. Especially when it's a friend. I imagine a lot of the girls, especially, feel a little self concious and weird about not having a date at their friend's wedding. 

Adults on the other hand, (and in the case of your FFIL) it really sucks that they can't be adults -- but I'm banking on the fact that if they're happy then they won't be as much of an issue the day of. The more I let my godmother just deal with things her way, the less I have to deal with her. 

mancila60

I to feel this way. You are not alone on this one. 1 thing I am glad about is most of our wedding party is in commetted relationships so I already know there dates. There are a few I worry about though.

cpm1223

There's one BM who I'm particularly annoyed with....she's hoping that her possible date will break up with his girlfriend by the time of the wedding so that he can be her date....makes me sick to think that she's "hoping" that they break up....ugh some people are crazy.

This is the same BM who brought another "random" guest to her cousin's wedding, then complained about having to hang out with him instead of dancing all night like she wanted to.

FFIL may have just been acting "cool" in front of FI & his friend...I'm hoping so anyway.

littleshrink

Call me crazy...but when you give a "plus one" you  invite whoever they invite.  If you don't want plus one's then don't give it as an option. 
I would also visit with your FI about his dad.  If he's ok with it, sorry you have to be too. 

cpm1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_not-sure-how-i-feel-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:26d8fd88-5be7-4bac-90a3-3f44ea847407Post:95db4459-d9b4-4376-846b-3cef0154471c">Re: not sure how I feel about this....</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Call me crazy...but when you give a "plus one" you  invite whoever they invite.</strong>  If you don't want plus one's then don't give it as an option.  I would also visit with your FI about his dad.  If he's ok with it, sorry you have to be too. 
Posted by littleshrink[/QUOTE]

Yes, thats why I said that I wasn't going to tell anyone who they can and cannot bring.

I was also trying to be nice/accommodating to the VIPs but allowing them to bring a date.

But given that people are just looking for anyone they can find to fulfill their plus ones....I feel as though I have the right to feel annoyed.

ladychambers83

I'm going through the same thing. Call me prude, but I clearly told my mom she's not having a date! Those in committed relationships get a +1, single ppl don't, and that includes our parents. My dad, and FMIL are fine with it but my mom seems to think she NEEDS a date when I don't think she does. She has more than enough family and friends to keep her company, my wedding is no place to show case her arm candy (that she's not too fond of in the first place)

If you don't feel comfortable about it defintiely say something. I just have this bad image of less than tasteful attire, her getting drunk and grinding on your FFIL  ugh!

Laurie109

this is as bad as the time my bm asked me if instead of bringing a date should could just bring a friend!

AurorasEnvy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_not-sure-how-i-feel-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:26d8fd88-5be7-4bac-90a3-3f44ea847407Post:67fa87a0-0628-43f0-8be5-2165181c159f">not sure how I feel about this....</a>:
[QUOTE]We're also giving the wedding party "plus ones" and <strong>some of them are trying to figure out who to bring since they aren't dating anyone as of now, and part of me  just wishes people would say "ya know what, there's no one I'm dating, and I'd rather not bring someone who wouldn't know anyone to the wedding just to bring a plus one"</strong> I"m not going to tell anyone who they can and cannot bring, but it just gets under my skin a little bit...
Posted by cpm1223[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>THIS!  Why would they want to bring someone who is going to not know anyone else, to an event where they are obligated to spend a fair amount of time away from their date while being a part of the ceremony, doing photos, etc?  Some of our GMs aren't in relationships, and I'm really hoping they don't bring anyone random.</div><div>
</div><div>It sucks about FFIL, but at least I can understand a little bit more about him wanting to bring someone (even just to show off) when his ex-wife and her new man are going to be there.</div><div>
</div><div>Maybe plant the seed in your WP's head that without a date, they are free to mingle and be single with all your wedding guests ;)

</div>

toothpastechica

Unfortunatly I think that if you extend the plus 1 thing....you have no control over who they bring... hopefully its someone who you know or might know other peopel even if its a friend not a "date". Have you told FFIL he can bring someone? How was/is his invite addressed? Usually I would say its family let them if they want to,  but in this situation seems like that might cause more drama then its worth, in which case address his invite JUST to him and dont talk about and pray like crazy he doesnt show up with an extra. The bigger deal you make it more drama it will create, so I would stay out of it comepletely unless he specifically asks you in which case you say sorry, but we didnt know you were with someone and have not accounted for that extra person in our numbers.

cpm1223

The invites haven't gone out yet.so I'm going to address them to just the person being invited. There will be no "plus 1" or "and guest" on anyone's invitation. If I know that someone is dating a person, then I will make sure that I write their names on the invite. This way, if someone gets the invitations and says "hey I was going to bring a date" then they can call me and ask if they can bring someone....then I'll deal with it then!