some of those declines hurt...

enchantedonyx

I knew we'd get declines and most of them I was fine with but apparently an entire group of family is now not coming to my wedding.

My mom's aunts and uncles on her mom's side, as well as cousins on that side have all declined. These are people that I grew up with and thought we were close. i've gotten "we have church the next morning, we can't leave the dog that long, and I'll be too tired from working all week".
And now my grandmother. My GRANDMOTHER has revoked her rsvp saying that she just doesn't think she'll feel up for a wedding that day. My mother is in tears over it. I just told a coworker and she said if it were one of her 5 grandchildren getting married, she'd be there if they have to bring her in on a gurney....

Their excuses are so lame. So much for all the birthday/anniversary/weddings/graduations I've attended, sent gifts/cards for. So much for the family reunions I've been planning for the family for the past 4 years. I'm done.

You find out who your friends are...and you see your family's true colors when it comes to weddings.

aleighk1

My grandparents (dad's parents) from Buffalo declined as well. My cousin said they probably weren't up for the 12 hour drive but I think it's because my dad passed away in 2005 and my mom has remarried. They didn't send a note or call or anything so it really hurt my feelings. It's not like this is a birthday party, it's a freaking wedding. So I know how you feel, it really sucks.

enchantedonyx

Okay, I could even understand the long drive, but mine all live about an hour away. No hotels or overnight stays or even that long of a drive....

Some people just don't even realize how their actions affect others.

I'm sorry your grandparents didn't even send you a card or anything. Maybe they are waiting until the actual day?

SMarti3232

I've had some family do the same.  Mind you I'm not super close to the ones that declined. But I believer there are certain events that you have to attend and participate in simply because you are family.  But don't let it make you sad.  I have found it in fact refreshing. I no longer have to pretend with them and no longer have to worry about including them in my life and future events.  SPRING CLEANING! Find it liberating!

krizzo17

I think the worst is when you see people who you aren't as close to really make an effort to be there and share in your happiness, when people who have been a much bigger part of your life just sort of act like it's nbd.

enchantedonyx

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_some-of-those-declines-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:3db5c02f-66c0-4719-a789-3050dccda5d8Post:3b736348-08c7-4ad2-b76c-99e46128a346">Re: some of those declines hurt...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the worst is when you see people who you aren't as close to really make an effort to be there and share in your happiness, when people who have been a much bigger part of your life just sort of act like it's nbd.
Posted by krizzo17[/QUOTE]

It really is. My college roommates are traveling more than 4 hours to be there. And they both made it to my shower and one to my bachelorette party (both were closer to them than the wedding is)! My BFF is traveling from Maryland to Ohio to be there for me. In the long run, I'd rather see them than some of these people at this point.

But I really wish my grandma just "won't be feeling up for a wedding" that day. It's not "a" wedding. It's her oldest and first of all of her grandchildren to be getting married's wedding.

It just occurred to me that it's possible this entire group backed out when my mom told them  that my sister is officiating, not a minister....

PeteandJen

I know the feeling. FI has family that declined, the reason they gave is they decided to baptize their daughter that day, well now the rest of the family is missing it, why would you schedule that the same day? They have had our Save the dates for a year, and our wedding invitation before their daughter was even born....I just can't figure some people out...

ladychambers83

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_some-of-those-declines-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:3db5c02f-66c0-4719-a789-3050dccda5d8Post:99bcb224-684d-429e-b038-1c678c47f995">Re: some of those declines hurt...</a>:
[QUOTE]I've had some family do the same.  Mind you I'm not super close to the ones that declined. But I believer there are certain events that you have to attend and participate in simply because you are family.  But don't let it make you sad.  I have found it in fact refreshing. I no longer have to pretend with them and no longer have to worry about including them in my life and future events.  <strong>SPRING CLEANING! Find it liberating!</strong>
Posted by SMarti3232[/QUOTE]

This! So sorry this is happening but now you won't feel obligated to attend all those functions in the future. I hope your mama feels better about it too

jeja234

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_some-of-those-declines-hurt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:3db5c02f-66c0-4719-a789-3050dccda5d8Post:99bcb224-684d-429e-b038-1c678c47f995">Re: some of those declines hurt...</a>:
[QUOTE]I've had some family do the same.  Mind you I'm not super close to the ones that declined. But I believer there are certain events that you have to attend and participate in simply because you are family.  But don't let it make you sad.  I have found it in fact refreshing. I no longer have to pretend with them and no longer have to worry about including them in my life and future events.  SPRING CLEANING! Find it liberating!
Posted by SMarti3232[/QUOTE]

I so agree with this. I also had close family decline to attend, no call, no email, not text to say at least a "congrats sorry I cant come". NOTHING.  I feel its a blessing in disguise. I always go out of my way to call on bdays and attend their functions and it feels great knowing that I will show them the same consideration they have shown me during this really big day in my life. My advise is enjoy your big day and appreciate those that attended and shared that day with you. I know I will!<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />