May 2012 Weddings
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Friends wedding this weekend - Long Vent

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I am SOOO mad right now.

I'm a bridesmaid in this girls wedding this weekend (she is not one of my birdesmaids). She used to be my friend, but now I really just never want to speak to her again. Yes, its that awful. We were best friends 4 years ago for about 2 years, then we just drifted apart. Then we stopped talking all together for about 6 months. I texted her to see if she wanted to get lunch one day and she blew me off so bad that I actually thought, well she obviously doesn't want to be my friend anymore. But then a month later she asked me to be her bridesmaid and I stupidly said yes. That was in july.

Since then she has not spoken to me more than 2 times about anything other than her wedding. And even when she does talk to me about her wedding its usually through a mass facebook message to all of the bridesmaids. She's maybe only talked to me about 10 times in person, on the phone, or through text. I've been really bitter behind her back, but i would never do anything to ruin her day on purpose. I think our outfits are awful and I think her wedding is just an attention ploy, (she's done really extreme things like this before just to get attention) but I'm not gonna tell her that, because as much as I hate her I don't want to purposefully cause any negative memories of her wedding for her.

One of the times that we were actually in person talking she basically told me that I was just a place filler in her wedding. She said, "Well I was only going to ask person x, y and z, but then FI just kept asking more people and I wanted it to be even so I ended up asking you and person b." 

So far for her wedding I have driven 3 hours both ways for her engagement party and her shower. I brought a gift to both. Now I'm taking thrusday and friday off of work for her wedding, because her rehersal is on a thursday. I get paid hourly, so thats 16 hours that I'll be missing out on for that paycheck. And I'm driving 3 hours again to get to the wedding. Booking a hotel room. Paying to get my nails done. Paying to eat at a restaurant for a bridesmaids luncheon on friday. And now she tells me TODAY, 4 days before her wedding, that I have to wear a pearl necklace, and that I have to buy it for myself. (I don't think she's doing that to be an a$$hole, I think she really just forgot up untill now to tell us, but COME ON)


But after all of that I decided that I would just make it through the wedding and after that just let our relationship drift apart on its own. But now I don't even want to go to her wedding and I definately don't want to be her friend because she didn't come to my shower saturday!!! Which I can slightly forgive because she's totally selfish and gluing ribbon onto bubbles is totally more important than your bridesmaid's shower. Honestly, I really didn't expect her to come because it IS a week before her wedding. I understand that, but it was the only weekend I had available and I had to schedule it around her shower and wedding. But what really makes me mad is that she didn't even say anything. I at least expected a "sorry I couldn't be there." It didn't matter if it was by text or phone call or just a comment on a facebook picture from the day. But the only thing I got monday morning from her was an itenerary for the day of her wedding. She didn't even acknowledge that my shower happened. 

I'm not really asking for advice but if you have some that would be great. I just needed to get that out somewhere, because I don't know how I'm going to make it through 3 days with her without blowing up.  What she is doing to me is not how you should treat your friends, especially the ones that you claim are the most important girls in your life.
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Re: Friends wedding this weekend - Long Vent

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    I'm curious as to why you even said yes to being in her wedding?
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    Wow, that is AWFUL. I had a falling out with a BM a couple months ago so I sort of understand how crappy it feels. 

    All I can say is practice your fake smile for pics this weekend and good luck! Hopefully FI will be at the wedding with you and can help you get through all of the events cause I would definitely need my guy around in that situation to keep me sane and/or from hitting someone lol. 
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    i was in the same wedding situation two years ago. my and the bride then were friends from college but her and her now husband moved away after graduation. she called me a couple months ( first time since moving away) after they moved to tell me they got engaged. i was happy for them. and then she asked me a couple months later to be a bm. i was actually shocked bc i thought she would rather some of her closer friends but i accepted. she was engaged for a little over a year and in that year i spoke to her once. i tried but she just kept blowing me off or is was just everything about her and her wedding. i went to her shower, didn't go to her bach. party ( bc  there was a bad ice storm that day and it was 3 hours away and i didn't want to drive by myself in an ice storm). she barely talked to me during  her whole wedding weekend so i knew after the wedding we would never talk again.  Now that i'm engaged, i think she is pissed bc i didn't ask her to be a bm but i really only wanted people in my wedding party that i knew in 30 years i would still be friends with. i didn't want a certain of bm just to look like i have a huge wedding party (like i feel  like she did). i still invited her to everything- shower, bach. party, wedding but she didn't rsvp to anything. i even sent her a message on fb asking a question about her wedding favors ( 3 weeks ago) and she still hasn't responded.

    so long story short, just remember during the weekend- you prob. won't talk to her ever again so just deal with the 3 days. when sunday comes around, you will be done with it and her and then focus on your true friends and your wedding.
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    The only thing I have to offer is that you need to try to remember how wrapped up in her own wedding she is, and not take anything she does personally.  She probably isn’t even aware that your shower took place because she is only thinking about herself.  (Not that that makes it ok).

     

    You are doing the right thing to be strong and go support her, and then just let it go.  Your good friends will be there for your special day, and at the end of the day you can take it as a lesson on how NOT to treat your friends.

     

    Sorry this is happening.

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    I said yes because she asked not long after I had reached out to her. So I thought that maybe I had misunderstood the situation when she blew me off and that she was just busy or something. We were still friends then, very distant friends, but I didn't hate her like I do now.

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    Ugh that is so annoying! I hope everything goes well this weekend!
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    So, not only am I curious as to why you A) agreed to be in the wedding, but B) why you are still in the wedding?  Wouldn't it have just been easier (especially after she tells you you are filler) to just part ways then?  Maybe I'm missing something here.
    I guess if you are still headed to this disaster, make the most of your days off.  Spend some time doing things you want to do!  I mean honestly, it sounds to me like neither of you care for the other, so why turn this soap opera into anything more?
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    i guess I am just one of those people who put other people's feelings over their own. Even in situations like this I don't want to cause any drama for her so close to the wedding.  And before that it just wasn't that big of a deal to me, it didn't really bother me that she was ignoring me. I was bitter but I wasn't really angry and fed up like I am now that she expects so much out of me but won't do anything in return.
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    Suck it up just for this weekend. You know in your heart that this relationship is going nowhere, so cut your losses and make the best of a mini vacay :)
    I recently lost a BM and was kicked out of her wedding (for a disagreement this particular BM had with my FSIL NOT me) It got real ugly on FB and BBM and now I'm left with a $200 vera Wang BM dress that DB won't take back, but I feel relieved that I now know her true colours and don't need that negativity around me :)
    Keep us posted on what happens... and post pics  heehee
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    Wow, how crappy.  I'd just focus on having a good time at the wedding, pretend it's just a party.  I'd get reasonably drunk & dance/socialize with everyone else and ignore the bride.
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    can you borrow a necklace?

    I asked my BMs to wear pearl necklaces (and earings if they wanted) and then made sure they didn't have to buy them. I offered them to borrow one of mine and my mom volunteered a couple of hers so no one would have to buy anything. 

    So sorry this is happening :-( Good luck with just enjoying the wedding and then focusing on yours.
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