• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
May 2012 Weddings

Guests who didnt even bring a card

Did anyone have this happen....Because we did...we had over a dozen people not give us anything...not even a card. and not for anything but that really pissed me off.

The most annoying was my landlord who begged to take a friend with her...so i let her. So it was her + 1...the other was my Fiance's sister and her 3 kids who also snapped at me while taking photos...Rude and uncalled for...she didnt even tell us she was leaving nor said thanks or congrats or anything.....Third was the girl i posted about who was a friend who i actually bought a car seat for her son and also leant her 200 bucks for meds for her son who gave me a hard time because i didnt invite her boyfriend who is a real piece of work.....My Fiances cousin and her BF also...who happen to be moochers, come to our apartment, drink out alcohol, eat our food etc.....and none of the girls in my bridal party either.  My bridal party also didnt get us anything for our shower nor did they pay or even chip in for the shower or the bachelorette. two of them are my FIs sisters.

I know this might sound a little snobbish or a bit bad....but who shows up to a wedding without even a card.  Cmon??? Its not a money thing...because i understand not everyone is well off or has money to give..but to show up and then be bitchy or complaining about stuff when you didnt even give us a card is really just annoying. sorry if this sounds bad...but its true.... I had a few people at least just bring a card and tell me hey i dont have any money etc. and i was okay with that because its not about that...but damn,...not even a congrats or nothing from these people or a card to say we wish you well....just show up, eat and leave.

Re: Guests who didnt even bring a card

  • I agree with you that people should, if anything, bring a card. It does not have to have anything inside, just a couple of words to say congrats. In my opinion that's the least that I would do for a couple who's wedding I'm attending.

    MIL begged me to invite her distant cousin from Canada, I said ok, fine....the next day, she told me that this guy (age 50+) didnt want to drive alone, and would it be ok if his daughter (adult also) came along....I said yes since we did technically have some spaces left. Well, after all that, they didn't give us anything, not even a card that just said congrats.

    Also, one of FI's uncles came, with his GF and his two adult children, and they didn't give us anything either.

    I'm not concerned about $, or getting "stuff" its just the thought that counts and for someone to come to a wedding with nothing at all, just makes no sense to me.

    The even weirder thing is, we received $, gifts etc. from people who either couldn't make it or weren't even invited to the wedding!

    image image
    Missing Our July Sparkler
    BFP-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13 Anniversary]
  • agreed...i got a few thousand dollars from people who didnt even come...plus a bunch of gifts too...which we are continuing to get from people who could not make it.  we were fortunate with what we wound up getting too...but its not really that that bothers me...its the inconsiderateness of not even picking up a 2 dollar card to express how happy you are for us...to me its like they said...oh hey lets go get trashed and eat ...(which actually came out of my husbands cousins mouth)

    But i also was annoyed with the people who i had traveled to their weddings and they didnt even RSVP yes or no to mine. THat sort of hurt...and now i am not even really talking to them....i feel like i am too nice sometimes and i just get taken advantage of. All the people who didnt bring a card are the people my husband and I have done so much for...yet they cant even get us a card....so now my thing is...dont call me when you need something from me. because i am truly not going to do it any more.


    and...HAHA i just realized i called my hubby my FI about 4 times in the other email...ugh cant get used to it yet.
  • I agree and commented on another post about TY notes.

    IMHO, no one was required to come to my wedding, if you couldn't afford a 99 cent card, RSVP no, plenty of other people did.  A gift is not necessary, but I think a card is.  Anyone who didn't give a card is not getting a TY card, even if they traveled.  I'm sorry but there is no excuse.  If they didn't bring it to the wedding, send it in the mail.  It's not being snobby or gift grabby or anything like that.  It's the fact that you did not make any effort, outside coming to a free party, to wish me well for my wedding day.

    Like cpm said, people who didn't even come to the wedding sent gifts and some people who weren't INVITED to the wedding gave gifts/sent cards.
    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt15f2a9.aspx[/img][/url]
    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt11b661.aspx[/img][/url]
    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/ttc14ec.aspx[/img][/url]
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_guests-who-didnt-even-bring-a-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:68a5fbb0-bd54-44b7-9a4c-f8a80a685cabPost:2964a3c9-208d-4a1f-a735-4ef86ef87c13">Re: Guests who didnt even bring a card</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree and commented on another post about TY notes. IMHO, no one was required to come to my wedding, if you couldn't afford a 99 cent card, RSVP no, plenty of other people did.  A gift is not necessary, but I think a card is.  <strong>Anyone who didn't give a card is not getting a TY card, even if they traveled.  I'm sorry but there is no excuse</strong>.  If they didn't bring it to the wedding, send it in the mail.  It's not being snobby or gift grabby or anything like that.  It's the fact that you did not make any effort, outside coming to a free party, to wish me well for my wedding day. Like cpm said, people who didn't even come to the wedding sent gifts and some people who weren't INVITED to the wedding gave gifts/sent cards.
    Posted by LOMLBOAT[/QUOTE]

    This is how I feel too. What am I supposed to do, thank these people for eating/drinking/dancing on my parents dime? I'd be happy to write "thank so much for coming to the wedding, I hope you enjoyed the free food, drinks and fun! And don't worry about not acknowledging the fact that H and I got married that day" lol
    image image
    Missing Our July Sparkler
    BFP-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13 Anniversary]
  • ok i am glad to know everyones on the same boat with this. i was still going to send a TY but it was going to be generic since im a little upset with these people....I feel like writing...

    thank you for showing up to my wedding, complaining to me during it, eating OUR food, drinking OUR booze, and then leaving without even buying a card from the dollar store to say congrats, nor did you even come up to us to say thank you. Please dont call me asking to borrow money you f-cker. 

    LOL
  • what made me even more mad is these people know ive been working 2 jobs for 2 years to pay for our entire wedding.... and then to ask me to borrow hard earned money ...WTF people...WTF.....
  • Just to follow up with my previous rant (haha), H and I did a receiving line, went around to each table and also gave a speech after cutting the cake, thanking everyone for being there and celebrating with us, letting them know it was there 'presence' that made this a party and we are so fortunate to have so many people who love and support us.  So that's my TY for coming.  The TY card is to thank for the gift and if you didn't give a gift or card, then I do not need to RE-THANK you.
    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt15f2a9.aspx[/img][/url]
    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt11b661.aspx[/img][/url]
    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/ttc14ec.aspx[/img][/url]
  • I've honestly been trying really hard to not "keep count" on who gave us what etc. but seriously when 98% of the people give something (even just a card, or a smaller amount of $ etc.) its really hard not to pick out the few people who didn't give anything.

    For MIL's Canadian cousin, I know I won't ever see him again, but H's uncle is around all the time, so I feel like it might be a little awkward seeing him after him and his 3 adult guest came to the wedding empty handed :/
    image image
    Missing Our July Sparkler
    BFP-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13 Anniversary]
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_guests-who-didnt-even-bring-a-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:68a5fbb0-bd54-44b7-9a4c-f8a80a685cabPost:b0f52948-07b1-4b50-83f3-0b0c4997b99c">Re: Guests who didnt even bring a card</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've honestly been trying really hard to not "keep count" on who gave us what etc. but seriously when 98% of the people give something (even just a card, or a smaller amount of $ etc.) its really hard not to pick out the few people who didn't give anything. For MIL's Canadian cousin, I know I won't ever see him again, but <strong>H's uncle is around all the time, so I feel like it might be a little awkward seeing him after him and his 3 adult guest came to the wedding empty handed :/
    </strong>Posted by cpm1223[/QUOTE]

    THIS!!  One of my best friends of 15 years did not give a gift for my shower, didn't say anything.  Then brought her on/off bf to the wedding and didn't give a card/gift either and I haven't said anything.  But I'm just not sure that I can talk to her right now.  I just think there is no excuse for even no explanation!  Luckily for H and I, it was 4 very good friends and a few others who didn't give gifts and that's it.  But it's almost worse when the people you rely on as a true friend let you down.  I know a LOT of people posted about that leading up to the wedding about WP that let us down, but I didn't really have that, everyone was pretty wonderful.  It's only after the fact now that I am a little sad that people took such advantage of us.
    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt15f2a9.aspx[/img][/url]
    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt11b661.aspx[/img][/url]
    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/ttc14ec.aspx[/img][/url]
  • XxKrazy4u - I'm so glad you posted this. I was afraid to say anything to anyone because I thought people would think that I was ungrateful and that I should be happy that people came at all. But you know, it's nice to be able to talk to people who are thinking the same things about this type of stuff without being told that we're all selfish brats, because honestly, I don't think its selfish to expect a $.99 card to show a little appreciate from people who you've invited, fed, and entertained at your wedding.
    image image
    Missing Our July Sparkler
    BFP-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13 Anniversary]
  • ^^^ we did similiar at our ceremony. Plus my thanks was the wine we made and the candy buffet everyone stuffed themselves with...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_guests-who-didnt-even-bring-a-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:68a5fbb0-bd54-44b7-9a4c-f8a80a685cabPost:b7a0af52-a987-4f45-a38b-4602390a49d1">Re: Guests who didnt even bring a card</a>:
    [QUOTE]XxKrazy4u - I'm so glad you posted this. I was afraid to say anything to anyone because I thought people would think that I was ungrateful and that I should be happy that people came at all. But you know, it's nice to be able to talk to people who are thinking the same things about this type of stuff without being told that we're all selfish brats, because honestly, I don't think its selfish to expect a $.99 card to show a little appreciate from people who you've invited, fed, and entertained at your wedding.
    Posted by cpm1223[/QUOTE]

    i am also happy no one was appauled by my post. LOL....i think i wouldnt be as hurt...if it wasnt people i was close with who are always asking me to do something for them.

    Plus... i had one person who was a long time friend who told me, i dont have any money...and her unemployment ran out....
    She wrote me the most amazing poem...framed it and read it at my ceremony.
    It was the best gift ever. To me....THAT Is a TRUE Friend.... she traveled from Ohio on her last 200 bucks to be with me on my day, wrote an amazing poem...and that made me so happy.

    It made me really feel like those other so called friends didnt even try.
  • We had a few do this too- which surprised me.  I will not be writing them a thank you, as we also did a receiving line and went around to each table at the reception to thank everyone for coming- I have nothing more to thank them for... haha.  I just think it's rude to attend a wedding and not bring something- doesn't have to be huge, but a card or something would have been nice to acknowledge the occasion.
    Anniversary
  • I agree with all of you...and I have even taken it a bit further.  I am not upset over those who didn't bring a gift, because I completely understand that it might not be possible for everyone to do so.  But, we decided to only send out thank you cards if a guest brought an actual gift to be thanked for.  To me, I don't know why I need to thank someone for bringing a card, especially if I took the time to greet everyone who attended, as well as thank them with a small speech during the reception.  To me, I have thanked those who showed up (with or without a card) and I don't need to do anything else.  For those who brought a gift, that's completely different because I need to acknowledge that separately, which I did.  
    I just considered what I do when I get cards for other things like birthdays...I don't send a thank you card out for that so why is this different?  It may be against etiquette but, that's how I chose to handle things.  LOL  
  • Out of our 130 guests, we received gifts from people who came and people who didn't, but there were about 12 couples overall who didn't give us anything. One person brought an "empty" card, however it was from my childhood BFF that now lives in CA and I know it was very expensive for her to travel to MA and that money is very tight. She wrote a very sweet note inside of the card, I will be sending her a TY.

    I would write a TY to guests who gave a card.

    I would never show up to a wedding without at least a card, but guests are not required to give gifts at all... but I know what you ladies are saying :) While most of the guests that didn't give us anything are ones that didn't come (and didn't RSVP at all mind you) there was one couple that surprised me...

    My parents have known this couple FOREVER, seriously the husband grew up next to my mom! My sister and I have both babysat their children during our teen years and when my sister got married 4  years and didn't get anything from them, My parents thought it was very strange and wondered if someone had stolen it from reception, but they never asked where their TY was either... well they didn't give us anything for our wedding either! I am not being greedy it's just strange, these people are very near friends of my parents and are invited to all parties (milestone bdays, graduations, anniversary parties, etc.) and the wife always calls the next day and thanks my parents for such an awesome party... it' very strange... and money is definitely not an issue in their lives...
    image Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I'm glad this was asked too, and I agree 100% that even if money is tight, I would expect at least a card from my guests. I would never attend a wedding without at least a card or a small gift, because I know how expensive they can be! I didn't even really think about all of this, and then when I read this post earlier today, I decided to look at my list of gifts I started for when I do my thank you's (I'm waiting for my pro photos to make thank you cards) anyway, I just realized that one of H's best friends and his long time GF did not even give us a card, this seems really odd to me, since they gave us a small gift for our engagement party and my bridal shower. Our wedding was a destination, so they did travel 7.5 hours and split the cost of a rental home for the weekend with some of our other friends, so I would understand if money was an issue then, but since there was no card even, it has me wondering if it got lost or stolen... I haven't mentioned it to H yet, but I'm afraid if I do, he'll ask his friend, and that would be awkward! 
  • Don't they have a certain amount of time to give a gift after the wedding?  Some of the people who didn't give us gifts didn't really surprise me but DH's boss came with his entire family and didn't bring gift.  It was just so out of character for him I thought maybe they forgot it because they were trying to get 2 toddlers out the door but still no gift.  It is really disappointiing that people couldn't at least write a note in a .99 card. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_guests-who-didnt-even-bring-a-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:68a5fbb0-bd54-44b7-9a4c-f8a80a685cabPost:66129aec-0163-476a-b398-7af507ca7d94">Re: Guests who didnt even bring a card</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't they have a certain amount of time to give a gift after the wedding?  Some of the people who didn't give us gifts didn't really surprise me but DH's boss came with his entire family and didn't bring gift.  It was just so out of character for him I thought maybe they forgot it because they were trying to get 2 toddlers out the door but still no gift. <strong> It is really disappointiing that people couldn't at least write a note in a .99 card. 
    </strong>Posted by annjeanen[/QUOTE]

    This is exactly my point, if you can't be bothered to take the time and buy a 99 cent card, than I will not waste my time sending you a TY card.  It's been a month since my wedding, you'd think if you forgot a card, you'd let me know in the last month that you would be sending it.  I'd be MORTIFIED, if I showed up to a wedding and didn't bring something, even if I forgot it, I'd make sure the couple knew that I would be sending SOMETHING to them.  It's just inexcusable to me.
    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt15f2a9.aspx[/img][/url]
    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt11b661.aspx[/img][/url]
    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/ttc14ec.aspx[/img][/url]
  • i had people say they forgot...and then ive seen them since then and they didnt bring a card with them...so i am guessing that it was an excuse
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_guests-who-didnt-even-bring-a-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:68a5fbb0-bd54-44b7-9a4c-f8a80a685cabPost:d9ff0303-eabe-4157-8f89-c6e67f8471e5">Re: Guests who didnt even bring a card</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just to follow up with my previous rant (haha), H and I did a receiving line, went around to each table and also gave a speech after cutting the cake, thanking everyone for being there and celebrating with us, letting them know it was there 'presence' that made this a party and we are so fortunate to have so many people who love and support us.  So that's my TY for coming.  The TY card is to thank for the gift and if you didn't give a gift or card, then I do not need to RE-THANK you.
    Posted by LOMLBOAT[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this....we had a couple no shows, and we had favors and a thank you speech..and what all the etiquitte ladies will tell you is the reception IS the thank you to guests....so if you didnt give me a card or present, I feel no responsibility to look up my list to figure out who came but didnt give me anything...my thank you cards will be writtin with the cards and list of gifts in front of me...not the original invite list.

    May 2012 July Siggy: Favorite Vacation Spot Kaleden, BC
    July Fave Vacation Spot photo IMG_0268-1.jpg

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    My Blog:Through My Eyes

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards