irritated about another bride...question for you ladies

susanjd9

alright so this is probably going to sound really selfish so dont judge me but i just want other opinions on this situation. like what would you do? One of FI coworkers is getting married (he works with the groom). Our wedding is a little over a month before theirs. I invited her to my shower and she did not RSVP or send a gift. All of his other co-workers at the very least told FI that their SO were not able to attend the shower (even tho that was not the "proper" RSVP) and they also sent gifts. That being said I just received her shower invitation. It will be about two hours away from me and later in the evening. I don't really want to go because her shower date is like 2 weeks before our wedding. especailly since i would have to travel for it and later in the evening (and not really knowing anyone but her at the shower). I should probably do the right thing and call her mom who is the RSVP contact for regrets. Even though I would really like for my FI to just tell his coworker that I am not going. And do I just send a budget friendly gift off their registry? Instead of being a total selfish snotty "you didnt do that for me so I'm not doing it for you" kind of bride. haha that was long....sorry. let me know what your reaction would be to something like that

kimberlykh

I definitely wouldn't feel obligated to go.  It sounds like she's not too close and with your wedding two weeks before, it is valid that you wouldn't want to travel for it.  However, I would RSVP the correct way.  It isn't her mom's fault that she didn't RSVP the correct way, you know.  As for the gift, I think that is entirely up to you.  I don't think it is necessary if you don't go to a shower, but obviously it is a nice gesture.  Maybe something very small off their registry for under $20?

AurorasEnvy

If I was invited to a shower and couldn't go, the least I would do is RSVP no and send a gift.  I'm not an etiquette snob, but I thought that you were supposed to send a gift even if you don't go.  Don't quote me on that, though.

I'd also be irritated, mainly because of the principal of the situation - she couldn't even be bothered to RSVP no, and then invites you to HER shower?  I totally see why you want to not mention anything and not get a gift, haha.  

However, I'd be the adult in this situation and RSVP either way and send a small gift.  If you have to be the adult in this situation, you can at least make her feel guilty!

susanjd9

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_irritated-about-another-bridequestion-for-you-ladies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:90ae4bfe-b39e-455e-8ac6-4e925058ccb3Post:050113ec-3952-4fd8-8e2b-c2f36133132d">Re: irritated about another bride...question for you ladies</a>:
[QUOTE]  I totally see why you want to not mention anything and not get a gift, haha.   However, I'd be the adult in this situation and RSVP either way and send a small gift.  If you have to be the adult in this situation, you can at least make her feel guilty!
Posted by AurorasEnvy[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>thanks! this is pretty much what i was thinking too...

</div>

AurorasEnvy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_irritated-about-another-bridequestion-for-you-ladies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:90ae4bfe-b39e-455e-8ac6-4e925058ccb3Post:53bbf913-478b-45e1-ad42-09fe8adc3400">Re: irritated about another bride...question for you ladies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: irritated about another bride...question for you ladies : thanks! this is pretty much what i was thinking too...
Posted by susanjd9[/QUOTE]

<div>No problem.  Sometimes being the bigger person is fun, and not for "bigger person" reasons ;)</div>

cdchisan

Yeah, I would RSVP but not feel obligated to go... as for the gift.. well personally I am on a budget so I probably wouldn't get anything. But if you feel that you should I totally agree with PP that it should be budget friendly.

I would be pretty rattled if I were in your position. I just think the whole thing is rude of her....

knottieeafa1bb2d69fa208

I'd be pissed too. I would definitly RSVP "no" and wouldn't bother sending a gift unless you want to send something really small. 

mandi921vh

As much as you would like to not RSVP and not give a gift it's "the right thing to do." Maybe she will see that you RSVPed appropriately and sent a thoughtful gift (I agree under $20 seems appropriate) maybe she will send you one realizing her mistake....?

Take the high road, as much as you don't want to

mandydc0509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_irritated-about-another-bridequestion-for-you-ladies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:90ae4bfe-b39e-455e-8ac6-4e925058ccb3Post:050113ec-3952-4fd8-8e2b-c2f36133132d">Re: irritated about another bride...question for you ladies</a>:
[QUOTE]However, I'd be the adult in this situation and RSVP either way and send a small gift.  If you have to be the adult in this situation, you can at least make her feel guilty!
Posted by AurorasEnvy[/QUOTE]

This.

This may be sad on my part, but I didn't realize sending a gift was still necessary if you didn't attend the shower, probably b/c I typically get larger wedding gift if that's the only gift I'm getting for the couple. I think a small gift would be a nice gesture though.

caitlinc09

I agree with PP! I would RSVP properly and send the cheapest gift on the registry. She will feel guilty and stupid for acting like an idiot. At least I hope. 

Melissa51212

I agree with PP...be the bigger person...you will feel better!

S0095042

I would opt out of the shower...just RSVP decline to the mother and be done with it. She's not worth your time...