How would you have handled this request

vineyard12

Yesterday we went to FI's cousin's house for easter dinner. While eating dinner, his cousin A was asking what time the rehersal was so they could get on the right ferry over (her son is the best man). Then she was asking what color shirt BM was wearing, and I said white. She then tells me she wants to coordinate her, her husband, and daughter's outfits because she wanted "an updated family picture on the beach." Um...what? We are planning to do family pictures, etc after the ceremony, then during the cocktail hour we would go off with the photog for our pictures. But I didn't think I would be doing all these seperate family portraits! I expected to do pics with my family, like me with just my parents and just my brothers, etc. But I wasn't expecting for seperate family portriats. And they are not immediate family.  I don't want everyone wanting to do this and monopolizing my photog's time and eating into our time with the photog. We only have her for 3 hours. She said she would pay for the pictures (I told her she would have to), but that really isn't the point.

Am I wrong here? Please tell me if I am making nothing out of this.

ladychambers83

ummmm WTF excuse me???! Can't ppl just leave you to enjoy YOUR day and stop making it about them!!! Ugh!

KateBCH

You are not wrong at all; that is super inappropriate. Especially if you've only got the photographer for 3 hours. This is your wedding, not the fricken Sears Portrait Studio! Wow.

FutureMrsW9

No, I'm with you.  People keep asking me if we're doing these big family portraits, and I've been avoiding it and brushing them off.  I'm sooooo not wasting time doing all that - my family is way too big to try to get everyone together for that and take up that much time.  I only get 6 hours and I'm not spending it on portraits!  I also agree that you're paying for your time with your photographer - maybe she could bring her own camera and have someone take the photos for her if she wants to use this as a photo op - but to take your photographer, which hello are super expensive and you literally pay for their time, that's not OK by any means.  I would just mention it to your photographer that you don't want family portrait requests taken and just have them be the ones to say no when asked.  That's what I'm doing.  Maybe like "it's not on my request list from the bride, so unfortunately we can't accomodate you today."

mancila60

I agree with PP. I mean you hired the photographer and are paying her to do your own pictures for your wedding. I have never even heard of someone thinking to do this. I would tell her sorry but if she would like to hire the photographer for another time that would be fine BUT you only hired them for a set time and everything has to be done within that time and there is no extra room.

mandi921vh

That is rude, maybe she was meaning this photo would include you and FI... either way it's rude, plus you only have photog for 3 hours. They can have someone else take their family photo on the beach if that is what she is so concerned about.

spalko

That is incredibly rude of her, wow! I agree with PP, I would let the photographer field this one but IF she continues to bring it up I would politely tell her that you only have the photographer for a set amount of time and there won't be enough time for individual potraits. Sorry you have to deal with that, some people just can't let you have YOUR day!

S0095042

WTF?????!!! NO, no, no. Guests dont' get to make special photography requests.that is incredibly rude. I don't know how many times we have had to tell the MOG that this is NOT a family reunion, but a wedding - i feel you here.

If it were me i would send her an email like this:

Cousin A,

It was very nice visiting with you over East dinner yesterday. However, I remember you said something about our wedding photographer working in a family photo of you and your children during the RD. I wanted to let you know, that unfortunately our wedding timeline does not allow us to accommodate such a request as we would have to make these special arrangements for all the individual families attending the wedding.

If you are still interested in using our photographer for family portraits here is the link to their website where you can view their portfolio. I would be happy to send our photographer an email hooking the two of you up for a private session.

Thank you for your understanding ,
[you + FI's names here]

cswooley

I agree with what everyone said, but is it possible she just meant for her individual family?  Because last year I went to FI's cousin's wedding, and we spent some time (also on the beach) taking family pictures--without the bride and groom.  FI's mom just wanted some new pictures with her husband and sons, which I took on their camera.  Hopefully you just misunderstood her!  If not, maybe you can suggest that as an alternative.

vineyard12

I did not misunderstand her. She wanted an "updated family portrait" of HER family (husband, son, daughter), no bride and groom.

I'm glad everyone else agrees with me on this. I was so put-off, I didn't know what to say other than "um"! I will be speaking with my photographer on this for sure because I am concerned this could get out of control. But I trust my photog that she would not let this happen. For now, I will let it go and let her bring it up. Can't wait to tell her she's not invited to the RD.

This is MY and FI's day, damnit! lol

LDW0225

WOW! That is so rude. I would say something to her so that she can understand that this is your photographer that you paid for, not her. Especially if you only have your photog for 3 hours. Hopefully this was just a misunderstanding and she meant with her own camera not your photographers but either way say something. GL

littleshrink

Geez....when I first started reading it I thought she meant take a picture of her family on the beach with a personal camera - NOT USE YOUR PHOTOGRAPHER!  I can't believe she even thought that was a option.  ??????? I think I would have just started laughing at that request.  I don't blame you for being upset.  Have your photographer bring her business cards and when people bring up stupid requests like that she can just hand them a card. 

Wow....

LBug24

Wow. I would (as politely but bluntly as possible) say that 3 hours does not allow time for all of those individual family photos, but that she's more than welcome to use her OWN camera and ask a friend to take the pic (maybe you could even say,"I'm sure one of my Bridesmaids wouldn't mind snapping a quick pic for you! or something)

Yikes. People. 

caitlinc09

100% everything that has been said here! That is unbelievable. You definitely need to send her an email or give her a call and explain that your are under a very tight time constraint with the photographer and it's very important to you that they capture all of your special day. She should understand, and if she doesn't, she's a crazy b and hopefully you don't have to see her again.

toothpastechica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_how-would-you-have-handled-this-request?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:9c997b91-7732-4cc0-8c9e-0b22369b7c36Post:f1bbe04b-2f2f-47c5-83a3-7aee7d56ef22">Re: How would you have handled this request</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with what everyone said, but is it possible she just meant for her individual family?  Because last year I went to FI's cousin's wedding, and we spent some time (also on the beach) taking family pictures--without the bride and groom.  FI's mom just wanted some new pictures with her husband and sons, which I took on their camera.  Hopefully you just misunderstood her!  If not, maybe you can suggest that as an alternative.
Posted by cswooley[/QUOTE]

This. At every family event we update our family portraits as well....but we do them on our camera on our time (before the reception or during it). I would be offended if I was told that no I am not allowed to take a family portrait with my own family with my own camera.  It doesnt sound at all to me that she expects to use your photographer by merely asking what color so she can coordinate her own family for thier own picture on thier own camera.

ETA: Apperntly I needed to read more carefully. I would give your photographer a heads up and just say that no, they are welcome to get a picture on thier own camera, but your contract is with your photographer, and shes welcome to take pictures, but you can't promise that the photographer will be able to do any special requests.

DianaL616

Very rude! If she wants updated family pictures then she should pay for her own photographer! Hopefully she meant with their own camera...

AurorasEnvy

I agree with PPs, how rude.  I'd say something like "oh, well I'm not sure he/she will have time to do that, but maybe...".  Leave it open ended, and maybe say something to your photog. about not skipping out on your wedding to take family portraits.

LuckyHeather

Ask your photographer how he/she typically handles requests like that.  I'm sure (as rediculous as it is) it happens more than once.  Perhaps he/she can give you a suggestion of something to say.  You could take the blame off you by saying something like, "The photographer said he/she couldn't accomodate that type of request, but you are welcome to contact him/her at....."

Bett2012

oh my goodness.. when I first read it, I thought you meant she wanted a point and shoot shot of her family on her own camera, not a professionally done photograph using YOUR photographer! that's so crossing the line :S