May 2012 Weddings
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Last Name

Originally both FI and I were keeping our last names, but hyphenating our children with my last name first. 

Then we began toying with the idea of both hyphenating our last names. We made it official and told our families and friends.

Since then FI has been getting a lot of shiit from his guy friends, my brother and even my dad! He had told me they were giving him shiit about it at his bachelor party, but I guess they have continued to, and so much to the point that he is having second thoughts and want to keep his last name and not hyphenate.

Of course I am disappointed I was looking forward to our new last name, but I understand his reasons and completely respect his decision.

Now I don't know if I want to keep my last name or hyphenate. If I hyphenate, will I be Ms. or Mrs.?
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Re: Last Name

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    kimberlykhkimberlykh member
    First Comment
    edited March 2012

    As far as I understand, you will be a "Mrs." if you keep your last name, take his, or hyphenate.  I'm pretty sure the switch from Ms to Mrs just means your marital status.  Someone correct me if I'm wrong!

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    You will be a "Mrs." regardless of what you decide to do with your last name. Like PP said, it has to do with your marital status, not if it's your maiden name, married name or a combo of both that you go by. 
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    S0095042S0095042 member
    First Comment
    edited March 2012
    ha! my FI was just reading over my sholder (we're both hyphenating too) -- he says your FI needs to just stand up to them and tell them to shove it. lol 

    Although I persoanlly would not state it like that, if it were me, the FI and I would have a long talk about why he was wanting to back out and why he couldn't handle a little pressure from the guys. If he didn't hyphenate, I wouldn't either and would just elect to keep my maiden name.   :)

    but yes, either way you would be a "Mrs." - do you guys realize however that if  (only) you hyphenate you would still formally be Mr. & Mrs. Jones-Smith?? If you hypenate the hyphenated name becomes the "formal" name for the TWO of you, unless he is being addressed alone.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:c3021161-29c0-4692-83df-3246c0af46daPost:98516031-8d2a-4871-9ab3-b81224321c53">Re: Last Name</a>:
    [QUOTE]ha! <strong>my FI was just reading over my sholder (we're both hyphenating too) -- he says your FI needs to just stand up to them and tell them to shove it</strong>. lol  Although I persoanlly would not state it like that, if it were me, the FI and I would have a long talk about why he was wanting to back out and why he couldn't handle a little pressure from the guys. If he didn't hyphenate, I wouldn't either and would just elect to keep my maiden name.   :)
    Posted by S0095042[/QUOTE]

    I agree with the bold...some of my best friends, the guy took the girls last name when they got married, he got a lot of flack from family and friends in the beginning, but once he was firm about the the decision, people backed off...now 3 years later, most people either dont know or dont care...its just a name after all. Its a pretty sexist view that the guy SHOULD be the one to keep his last name, while girls are expected to give it up or at least consider giving it up ( I know lots of ladies dont change thier last name, and I totally dig that, but have decided to change my name...I did have a discussion with FI about if he would be offended if I didnt, or if he would ever consider taking my last name, because the last thing I want is to marry someone who isnt at least ok with tearing down sexist views.)

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    As far a I know PP are correct that you will still be Mrs. I know my cousin who kept her name is a Mrs. so I don't see why hyphenating would be any different.

    I also think that you should have another talk w/ your FI about both of you hypenating. If it's really what you want he should stand up to his friends and tell them to shove it!

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    I'm keeping my last name, and I'm pretty sure I'll just be "Mrs."

    I agree that it's an extremely sexist view that women are the ones to lose their identity when they get married, and it's the guy that gets to keep him last name. And how rude of your the men at the bachelor party to give his crap about it!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:c3021161-29c0-4692-83df-3246c0af46daPost:98516031-8d2a-4871-9ab3-b81224321c53">Re: Last Name</a>:
    [QUOTE]ha! my FI was just reading over my sholder (we're both hyphenating too) -- <strong>he says your FI needs to just stand up to them and tell them to shove it.</strong> lol  Although I persoanlly would not state it like that, if it were me, the FI and I would have a long talk about why he was wanting to back out and why he couldn't handle a little pressure from the guys. If he didn't hyphenate, I wouldn't either and would just elect to keep my maiden name.   :) but yes, either way you would be a "Mrs." - do you guys realize however that if  (only) you hyphenate you would still formally be Mr. & Mrs. Jones-Smith?? If you hypenate the hyphenated name becomes the "formal" name for the TWO of you, unless he is being addressed alone.
    Posted by S0095042[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ah I know!!! You are so right! That seems to be his main reason for not changing... I knew he would get some shiit in the beginning, but we told everyone back in the fall and they are still doing it! I just know whenever we are announced at the wedding these guys (my dad and brother included) will snicker and be asssholes about it. Come on guys its 2012!</div>
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    I heard elsewhere on TK that "Mrs." basically means "wife of", so if you're married, but don't take his last name, you're Ms., not Mrs.

    ie: if your maiden name is Smith and his last name is McDonald, and you take his name, you're Mrs. McDonald because you're "wife of McDonald".. but if you keep your name, you're Ms. Smith, not Mrs. Smith, because you're not "wife of Smith"...

    i'm pretty sure socially it doesn't matter, and I'm not even sure it matters legally...I think in this day and age, it's personal preference.
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    I will be changing my last name (because I'm old fashioned in that sense and look forward to it) BUT your FI needs to understand there will be decisions that you both will make as a unit that not everybody will agree to. It's not a knock on his manhood if he hyphenates, but allowing others to bully him into a decision is!
    GL
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