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May 2012 Weddings

Hello from May 2013 board :-)

Hope everyone's planning is going well and congrats to those who are already married :-)

I'm the mod of the May 2013 board and was just wondering if you ladies would be willing to share planning advice with us! Almost all of us are near (or under) the one year mark!
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Re: Hello from May 2013 board :-)

  • I would say get anything you can do now done, so that when it's the weeks leading up to the wedding you aren't stressed about completing projects or figuring things out.
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  • Try to book everything you can in advance so that you aren't trying to find something once it gets closer.

    Enjoy planning and don't stress over things it will be okay.

    Plan for unexpected costs the closer it gets!!! Things will come up.
  • Ditto PP, if you can do it, DO IT. 

    I am going on 18 days and have around 40 tasks to finish, some being very big tasks (like still hiring certain vendors). 

    Although one thing I am happy I didn't do at the year mark was buy a lot of decor. I waited until the last 2 months to buy everything. Hurt my wallet a bit but I really knew my vision then and knew it wasn't going to change.....because it changed  A LOT since 13 months ago when I got engaged.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_hello-from-may-2013-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:c38075ab-b15e-4777-9de7-e9f8429d27b6Post:5a7b94d1-bd5e-4e21-8c0a-1d8692fbaf97">Re: Hello from May 2013 board :-)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Try to book everything you can in advance so that you aren't trying to find something once it gets closer. Enjoy planning and don't stress over things it will be okay. Plan for unexpected costs the closer it gets!!! Things will come up.
    Posted by mancila60[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.</div>
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  • I agree with everyone else.. TIME FLIES! Book all your vendors in advance, get all the small things accomplished ahead of time and you will be in the best shape. This next year is going to go by so fast for you all but remember to have fun and stay calm while doing it all.
  • Time seriously flies by!  It seems like we were hitting our year mark last month!  Try to get vendors booked as soon as possible!  Your vision will likely change between now and wedding time, but as soon as you're sure.. start working on the small things!  Try to get as much done as possible early so you can enjoy your last week!  Also, ASK for help... your friends and family likely want to help you out with projects and tasks.  Don't expect them to always offer the help... they don't know what you need or if you even want their help.  Try to remember that it WILL all get done.  You will get stressed and overwhelmed at some point, but it will be worth it.  Mostly, enjoy being a bride.  Enjoy being pampered and being the center of attention.  Let your friends and family pamper you!  You'll blink and it will be here!  I have 10 days to go and it seems so surreal!!

    Best of Luck!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_hello-from-may-2013-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:c38075ab-b15e-4777-9de7-e9f8429d27b6Post:27be7931-429a-4e43-bf82-214da0b32d9f">Re: Hello from May 2013 board :-)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Time seriously flies by!  It seems like we were hitting our year mark last month!  Try to get vendors booked as soon as possible!  Your vision will likely change between now and wedding time, but as soon as you're sure.. start working on the small things!  Try to get as much done as possible early so you can enjoy your last week!  Also, ASK for help... your friends and family likely want to help you out with projects and tasks.  Don't expect them to always offer the help... they don't know what you need or if you even want their help.  Try to remember that it WILL all get done.  You will get stressed and overwhelmed at some point, but it will be worth it.  Mostly, enjoy being a bride.  Enjoy being pampered and being the center of attention.  Let your friends and family pamper you!  You'll blink and it will be here!  I have 10 days to go and it seems so surreal!! Best of Luck!
    Posted by amanda14lynne[/QUOTE]

    <strong>All this!!

    </strong>At some point (or several points) you'll wish you had eloped! I'm not married yet, but I hear it's totally worth it! :)

    Try to make some non-wedding time with your FI. Make a date once a week/month/whatever where wedding talk is off limits! You'll both be glad for the break and it will remind you WHY you're going through all this stress!!
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  • Plan for life not just the wedding....plan to have no time to wedding plan the closer you get...Last year I thought I was ahead of the game, but now I am wishing I had done more of the 'little stuff' last summer, since then my school sched changed and I got custody of a 8 month old (now 14 months),...there is zero time to deal with issues now. Also DELEGATE, I was confidant about doing everything myself, but things like tying 200 bows...takes a LOT longer then you might think at first. When friends or family offter to help they them working on things like printing favor cards/glueing tieing or other DIY projects. And dont expect any more of your bridesmaids or moh then showing up, i know it gets said a lot, but it happens all the time that brides feel dissappointed because they expected thier bridal party to do more then thier bridal party is willing to do.

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  • Yep! Book your photog, venue, officiant, etc. NOW! Things I'd recommend waiting on: all attire (your dress and bm dresses, tuxes, etc.), decor, and cake design. These are all things I changed my mind on even though I only had 9 months to plan! 
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  • Same a PPs. Do anything you can in advance. Remember to enjoy the time leading up and the wedding day! I am so glad DH and I took time together early in the day! Good luck!
  • i would say that if you havent already...choose your BRIDESMAIDS WISELY.
    Choose people who are reliable...who you can trust and know will be there for you no matter what. I lost a lot of people i thought were real friends... people who were selfish and determined to make my day about them with all of their obsurd requests....in the end its about you and your fiance...not everyone else.

    ...when push came to shove, my WP was unwilling to help with anything even when asked. I tried to go with 6 BMs...but the bigger the bridal party the bigger the headache. ...most of the time. i would not say ALL the time because i know people who had upwards of 10 people on each side.  but its all about who you chose. So make sure its people you know will be there for you even if you turn in to a bridezilla.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_hello-from-may-2013-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:c38075ab-b15e-4777-9de7-e9f8429d27b6Post:8c43eaf2-c28d-47ef-b070-c247f087f691">Re: Hello from May 2013 board :-)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto PP, if you can do it, DO IT.  I am going on 18 days and have around 40 tasks to finish, some being very big tasks (like still hiring certain vendors).  Although one thing I am happy I didn't do at the year mark was buy a lot of decor. I waited until the last 2 months to buy everything. Hurt my wallet a bit but I really knew my vision then and knew it wasn't going to change.....because it changed  A LOT since 13 months ago when I got engaged.
    Posted by leahstinson[/QUOTE]


    This! I had an general theme in mind when I started but it wasn't until the last 3-4 months that it really solidified.

    Look at tons and tons of pictures and don't decide anything too early. Make sure you've considered a lot of options (there are elements of modern that I love but don't fit my romantic, enchanted forest theme).

    Once you make the decision, try to stick to it! Otherwise, you'll drive yourself crazy changing your mind.

    And as much as I LOVE my wedding stuff, I want 5 more weddings, just so I can use all the great ideas I can't use for this one. :) FI says one is more than enough, though...
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Follow Me on Pinterest When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. ~Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally
  • First of all congrats to you and the other brides. My advice:

    1) Have a budget and stick to it
    2) Book major vendors early. (venue, photog, etc.) with that being said,
    3) Do your research on your vendors. Shop around. Don't settle
    4) Don't think you exempt from wedding drama.... because your not :(  Be prepared for BM's dropping out, disagreements, rsvp drama etc
    5) Don't get caught up in the excitement of wedding planning to the point where your relationships are neglected. Spend time with FI and girlfriends and do NWR things
    6) It's YOUR day!! Everyone will have a vision of what your day should be like, but the only two opinions that matter are yours and FI, stand your ground!!
    7) Build a non-judgemental board that allows the ladies to voice their views without getting chewed out!
    8) Stay calm and don't allow the little things to stress you. Focus on the most important thing... Marrying your prince charming!!!

    GL
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  • This may have already been said, but if you're doing things that are DIY, start as soon as possible. At least start on mock ups. You may find that the DIY programs you want to do take a hell of a lot longer than you initially thought (learned that one the hard way lol). If you do a mock up, you can get a feel for how long it may take. 
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  • Get your ceremony planned at least a month before - our officiant likes to do this with all his couples, and we are loving him for it right now... nothing to worry about. Our wedding is in 3 days, and we have had the ceremony finalized for over a month :) - lots of time to practice those vows! (we're memorizing)

    Don't leave who is doing speeches to the last minute..we kind of accidentally did this just by deciding who was and wasn't oging to speak, and it was kind of stressful...

    Basically - what everyone else said - if you can do it, do it!
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  • Pretty much all of us are planners and WAY ahead of the game, myself included :-) My original date was June 2012, but because of money had to postpone so that contributes a ton to my being ahead of the game! 
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    White Knot

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  • Much of my advice is similar to PP's- decide on and book your venues early, get your DIY done as early as you reasonably can, etc... I would also echo that you need to choose your bridal party VERY carefully.  Don't worry about hurting feelings, pick the person you think is going to be the best for the job- because if you don't, inevitably you will hurt their feelings anyways and it will just make planning/the day of that much more stressful.  Lastly, book your honeymoon early :)  We waited until 5 months before, and while I don't think we paid way too much, I think we paid more than we would have if we would have decided earlier on in the planning process.  Congrats to all the May 2013 girls, the next year will go by WAY faster than you think!
    Anniversary
  • except help but dont expect it and dont give anyone anything you arent willing to do yourself later if they forget/ cant do it. 

    Like everyone else said do everything you can now because youll want to relax when it gets closer too.

    DO NOT hire family as vendors!!!!! If they get sick or theres a family argument or whatever youll get stuck finding someone at the last min! (I was given this advice and didnt listen to it and paid for it majorly!)

    Stay within your budget.

    as pp said plan for life together not just the wedding. after a year or so the wedding will be gone and all that will be left is you and new husband! make sure wedding dosent distroy relationship before that point!

    have a small bridal party of only the people closest to you that you can trust the most! I learned the hard way that if you invite to many people to be bridesmaids drama will happen!

    dont let other people plan YOUR wedding!  Know what you want and stick to it!  (if you want tealength bridesmaid dress and 1 out of 7 bridesmaids dont want it then the line has to be drawn somewhere...) but its also not worth getting bridzilla-ish over small things... save that for wacky vendors :)

    hope all goes well with your planning :)
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  • spalkospalko member
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    Congratulations to all you May 2013 Brides!!!!

    All the other ladies had some really great advice and I would add:
    1. Don't stress about the things you cannot control. You can't control the weather and you can't control family. The weather may be not what you wanted and your family may say and do things that you don't like but you can't let it stress you out! At the end of the day you're marrying your best friend and that is what is most important.

    2. If you can't afford it, DON'T do it!! So many couples go into debt because of their weddings and that is just plain silly! Make a budget and stick to it, yes, some things are going to come up that you are going to need but maybe set a little money aside (if it works into your life budget) for when those unexpected issues arise.

    3. Don't lose sight of what the day is all about! It's about marrying the man of your dreams! It's not about flowers, centerpieces, cake flavors, and song choices. Things will go wrong and you're going to probably be the only one that notices. Guests will never know that the centerpieces were supposed to have 8 roses instead of 6 so don't worry about it!

    4. Have fun with the planning and enjoy every second of it because it really does go by in the blink of an eye! This should be an exciting time, not a time to stress and worry over the simplest of things. Enjoy special time with your fiance because that's what it is all about anyway, the love that you have for each other!

    5. Don't be afraid to tell people no or what you want (in a nice way! No bridezilla's here). So many people are going to have so many opinions about what YOU should do on YOUR day. If the ideas don't go with what you are thinking, politely tell them so. You don't have to get nasty or rude, just explain how you want things and maybe together you can come up with an even better idea for the big day.

    Congratulations again to all you ladies!! I wish you nothing but happiness as you plan for your BIG day :) :)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_hello-from-may-2013-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:c38075ab-b15e-4777-9de7-e9f8429d27b6Post:61dd1ae7-c0f8-4fcc-9be8-9891b9d38ee0">Re: Hello from May 2013 board :-)</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>i would say that if you havent already...choose your BRIDESMAIDS WISELY. Choose people who are reliable...who you can trust and know will be there for you no matter what.</strong> I lost a lot of people i thought were real friends... people who were selfish and determined to make my day about them with all of their obsurd requests....in the end its about you and your fiance...not everyone else. ...when push came to shove, my WP was unwilling to help with anything even when asked. I tried to go with 6 BMs...but the bigger the bridal party the bigger the headache. ...most of the time. i would not say ALL the time because i know people who had upwards of 10 people on each side.  but its all about who you chose. So make sure its people you know will be there for you even if you turn in to a bridezilla.
    Posted by XxKrazy4u[/QUOTE]

    The bolded part.

    I chose my sister to be my Matron of Honor and without a doubt I could not have made a better decision. We have a great relationship already, but I knew that she would be reliable and dependable. I also will say that I am so glad that I picked her because she is already married. I knew this meant (for her case) that her relationship was very stable and there wouldn't be any SO drama... and also, she KNOWS what it's like to stress over wedding planning... and she remembers how frustrated she was that her MOH was a flake because she was worried about her social life, bf, etc. I would totally recommend a married person over a single one because they've been there, done that.... and you also don't have to worry about them getting engaged while you're planning and then being more focused on their own wedding. My sister trumped my best friend since high school as my MOH for these reasons. Don't get me wrong- we are close, and she was going to be in the BP anyway, but I really considered all these things before asking.

    I also would say keep the WP small... We each have 3 total attendants and I think that has been one of the best decisions I have made as well. My other 2 girls are very reliable and dependable and have been eager to help me. I'm blessed because of this- I know some people aren't as fortunate.


    Otherwise, I would ditto not to buy anything until you're completely sure your vision won't change. I waited until the 3 month mark for everything but my dress, which I got around the 6 month mark.

    Also, ditto whomever said to be sure that you schedule some weekly/regular time with FI to continue to date and not talk about the wedding- it helps to remember why you're getting married in the first place. There were times we totally sucked at this (especially being long distance and both being in school and working full time while wedding planning) but every time we "got back on track" with this so to speak, things were a million times better.

    I will probably stop in and give some advice to your board (assuming from this post that we're welcome to do so) after our wedding next weekend!
    wedding1 Anniversary
  • All of the ladies seem to have covered all of the planning advise so I will cover something else entirely.

    My FI and I knew early that some couples (or Brides) get incredibly wrapped up in the planning process, to the point of it consuming their lives.  We didn't want this to happen to us.  We wanted to ensure we maintained our normal life together and with friends/family so we put some ground rules in place.  These rules helped to make sure there wouldn't be a let down or void in our relationship when the wedding was over.  It also made sure we kept working on our relationship and didn't loose sight of all the little things we do on a daily basis that made us fall in love with one another.

    Our Rules:
    A year before the wedding up until about 6 months- No talking about the wedding during the work week.  I could research or do DIY projects if I liked but no monopolizing our conversations.  Weekends were a wedding free for all though (this was fun because we balanced it with fun nights out with friends or romantic nights at home together).

    As the months got closer, we would allot so much time to discuss wedding during the work week.  Usually over dinner.

    Vetto power.  Each one of us got the power to nix an idea.  It was BOTH of ours wedding after all!

    Divide and conquor.  Early on we decided which responsibilities would be my FI's.  He just so happened to like all the boring stuff so fine by me!  He loved knowing what was his to handle and I never had to harp on him to get anything done.

    Schedule one big big check a month! 

    Lastly, don't turn down friends and family to "do wedding stuff".  Balance is everything.  We made sure we still went out with friends and were there for the people that mean the most to us.  If that meant working a little harder on wedding stuff on another day, so be it!  We have been able to keep this up all the way until now!  17 days away!!!  My friend even said I cannot believe you are able to do so much with us.  Made my day!

    One other thing...I made sure to really celebrate my friends special days throughout this year.  I wanted them to know how much they mean to me and not let them think they weren't as important as my wedding.  I made birthdays, graduations, engagements a big deal!!!! 

    Hope this helps!!

  • These ladies have some wonderful advice.. 

    The best wedding planning advice I ever got was to set up a separate wedding email address...  use it only for vendors when filling out forms, etc.  After the wedding, you can just shut it down, and not have to deal with the spam for years to come. 

     I would also add, accept help from friends and family.  I had three separate aunts offer to make centerpieces, favors, and invites.  They had ideas, but listened to what I was thinking, and their ideas helped make my ideas even better. We had a few family friends help with other little things (like transporting my dress to and from our wedding weekend) and not only did it relieve me of having to worry about it, but it also helped them to feel like they were a part of the wedding. 

    People loved helping and feeling like they were a part of the wedding.  All I did was accept their offer of help.  :)  I really think it added a lot to the wedding.  

    But keep in mind that some people may not be able to listen to your ideas.. we've all heard the stories where friends and family get carried away and take over the planning, or insist on things they want instead of what you want... but only you know your friends and family, and if they will respect your vision for your  wedding.  Good luck!  

    Finally..  remember that no matter what happens..  at the end of the day, you'll be married.  That one thought kept me sane through all the craziness towards the end..  We had a few snags the week of the wedding (Best Man's suit never made it to him, we thought the florist was out of business, half of the centerpieces ended up being the wrong color, etc).  

    Good luck, and don't forget why you're doing all of this!!
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  • I feel like I'm communicating with the future ;-)

    I would have to say that when planning starts to get hectic, trust the professionals.  It's natural to be nervous about your own wedding because it is (probably) the first time you have planned such a huge event, but your vendors do this all the time.  Your wedding is just like every other wedding they have done their entire career.  Be clear about your vision, and make sure everyone is on the same page, but let them work their magic!
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  • I think TK erased my post...?

    But my piece of advice is to trust the professionals!  It is natural to be nervous about planning your wedding because it is likely the first time you have planned such a big event, but your vendors do this every day as their job!  They aren't nearly as stressed as you are.  Make your vision clear and make sure everyone is on the same page, but let them work their magic!
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