May 2012 Weddings
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i never thought id be the one to have cold feet....

Soo i was talking to a friend the other night (who happens to be a guy)...and we were discussing sex...well i mentioned that FI and I MAYBE do it twice a month..and thats a good month..yea it bothers me..but lately it doesnt since all of the stress...
but even when we are not stressed, its maybe 2-3 times a month...my friend thinks that if i want it more..i will get frustrated and eventually leave..

its been almost 5 years with FI...yea at first it was 4-5 times a week..but as our relationship progressed it got less..isnt that normal?

idk..i get frustrated sometimes..but then i just put on some lingerie..or just start going at it..and we go.

FI wont initiate it anymore (idk y)...but  now its got me thinking... and i know i love him..i know he's the one..but could ppl really get a divorce for no sex? thats crazy to me!!

need reinforcement please!!!!!!

Re: i never thought id be the one to have cold feet....

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    You need to have a talk with your FI.  Just be honest and tell him how you feel.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_i-never-thought-id-be-the-one-to-have-cold-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:c5f8b11b-7eab-450e-aa55-36afc888762ePost:56726f07-2f42-43d8-b443-75c04b79c4ba">Re: i never thought id be the one to have cold feet....</a>:
    [QUOTE]You need to have a talk with your FI.  Just be honest and tell him how you feel.
    Posted by gpapale1[/QUOTE]

    This! Have a sit down and talk about it. It won't change unless you say something.
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    Have you tried talking about this with your FI? 

    FI and I are in a similar situation as yours- We've been together for 9 years, used to do it all the time, and now hardly ever. We've talked about it, both know we want to do it more, have identified what's keeping us from it, and have both been trying to make more of an effort.

    I don't think just plain lack of sex would cause a divorce, but I think lack of communication, consideration, effort, and taking your SO for granted would. 
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    Its pretty normal to go through mountains and vallies in relationship, on one of the last threads about sex someone mentioned how having sex dates, although not romantic was more satisfying then not having any, so the might be something worth trying anyways. As the ladies previous said, I think communication is more important than sex itself, and communicating in a non-judging way about the lack of sex is key. I.e. I love it when you give me massages or, I really feel loved when you (insert action here) instead of  "i hate that we dont get enough sex". putting it in the postive is usally more of a motivator then telling them they are not good enough or giving you enough, because really, if you were not feeling sexy and he said "hey why dont you want to have sex with me"...would that make you want it more or less? Try and build his strengths and let him know in positive wording what you want

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    When one person in the couple is unhappy with their sex life it can only make matters worse. You may end up resenting him for it, which can lead to other problems down the line. Definitely talk to him about your feelings, or if even if possible see a sex therapist.
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    Be open and communicate your feelings with your FI.  As PP said, I don't think just plain no sex will lead to a divorce, but resentment and cheating can lead to it (and no sex can lead to resentment and cheating).  This is the time to initiate communication.  There can be all sorts of reasons for someone's disinterest in sex, and I really think you need to find out where FI is coming from. 

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    I'm in the same exact boat as you. We use to do it all the time. Now I'm lucky if I get it like twice a month. He talks the talk, but when it comes down to actually doing it, there is nothing. I just go to bed everynight upset and without any attention or romance from him. I've told him and he tries then screws up.

    Talk to him. Go see a counselor. Good luck!
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    We have recently run into a similar sex situtation. We are talking about it and things have been getting better. Communication is key :) Just talk to him about it.
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    I agree with PP you have to sit down and talk about this.  My FI and I dont engage in sex very often maybe 1-2 a month, I use to worry about the lack of interest on both of our parts but was told by my doctors that as long as we are both are ok with our sex life than it's not something to worry about.  you may also want to consider what other affection that you show each other, although we are not having lots of sex we are a very affectionate couple we kiss alot, hug and cuddle often and I have no doubt that we love each other very much. I've also realized that I have been in many a bad relationship with lots of sex and they didnt work, so in my opinion how often you engage in sex is not a true indication of how good a relationship you have.  I wish you luck!
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    FI and I are in the same boat--i would talk to him, but you never know.  I have had this talk w/ my FI and it's stress.  Trust me, right now though, sex is the last thing on my mind.  If we do it, it's a plus, otherwise right now, i am not instigating it-i am way too tired.  but you need to talk to him, if not, it will fester and it will really bother you.  good luck!
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     I agree that you need to sit and talk to your FI. It's not the lack of sex, it's that you want it more and are concerned that he isn't initiating, especially if it's been going on for a while. Short periods of time are common but if it's been going on for a while it warrants a discussion. He's probably just stressed or nervous about the wedding and I'm sure it will make you feel both better to talk about it. 
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