I've about had it with my mom. EVERY time I talk to her recently, she slips a comment into the conversation along the lines of "Well, you're so narrow- minded" or "You're a control freak" etc. and it's REALLY starting to hurt my feelings.
I feel like she's saying these things because we're not planning the wedding the way she would plan it. She wanted us to do something at a super manicured garden with no personality (where one of her friends' daughters got married) and in pastel colors. What's we're actually doing is a vintagey sort of picnic on a 40 acre farm with a barn in oranges and teals.
I haven't really consulted her about a whole lot- When I was trying to get her involved with the planning process in the beginning, all she was suggesting was super traditional/ garden party-ish things that I admittedly shot down because that's just not who the FI and I are or what we wanted.
I've tried to get her involved with specific jobs- setting up the catering, which she half assed so we had to follow up and take care of. I think she sees that as being control freaky, but I see it as wanting to make sure we have food at the wedding since she didn't get a contract signed.
I've given her a crafty project (crochet 18 doilies for centerpieces), and she's asked for more projects but she hasn't finished the one that she has. I asked her to do the doilies in September, and I think she's managed to do 2. It's not like they're taking that long- She says she can finish one in about 2 hours. I think that she thinks that I'm hoarding all the projects for myself because I trust no one else to do them- In actuallity, I'm doing so much because I'm afraid to rely on her and her falling through.
I guess I'm just sad that she isn't as into our ideas and percieves it as me being stubborn. My FI has pointed out that she has always tried to infantalize me so that she probably sees my opinions/ what I want as teenage stubborness. Except, you know- I'm 30.
And really, this is kind of the tip of the iceberg with her- At one point she was trying to buy a floor length, chiffony, super age inappropriate, so-barely-pink-it-was-practically-white dress to wear to the wedding. She was upset that she couldn't invite EVERYONE she knows (a ton of people from her church that FI and I have never even met), and actually tried to justify it by telling me that the wedding just wasn't about me and FI but about the parents too (Side notes: We're trying to keep the guest list small. We don't want a bunch of strangers at our wedding. And she was allowed to invite 30 people, no questions asked about them). When she couldn't invite the 50+ church people, she wanted to have an engagement party at the church with them instead and didn't understand why I thought that was wildly inappropriate. She got pissy about FMIL having to had a few more forgotten family memebers after I had asked for their lists. She's super upset that I'm not spending wedding day eve with her, even though she rented a house for OOT relatives and her and my dad that isn't big enough for me to stay at- She wants me to sleep on the floor the night before my wedding with my MOH.
I don't know. I'm just tired of needing a glass of wine on standby every time I have a phone call with her. I guess I was just expecting her to be more helpful in this process rather than pissy, hurtful, and kind of oblivious.
Is there anything I can do, or should I just stock up on wine and ride it out?