May 2012 Weddings


A trip yesterday to DB got BM#1 her dress for my wedding and BM#2's wedding, it will arrive on or before April 30, my wedding is May 5, her mom is able to alter her dress so no worries there.

BM#2 was picking up her wedding dress and her BM dress for my wedding, both fit her great!

MOH is both BM#2 and my MOH. She will not wear a strapless because she has a large scar she is self conscious of and she just doesn't feel comfortable in general in strapless. Wearing a little jacket is not an option she did not like that idea. There are only a few dresses at DB that have straps. 

She tried them on and did not like any, however she didn't say anything to me, BM#2 and BM#1. Each time she came out to look at herself she then quickly went back into dressing room. We tried to ask her in those 5 seconds but she didn't say anything. Then she came out with her clothes on and the consultant asked how she did and she said she will not be buying a dress today. DB was packed! Our consultant ushered us to the front of the store so we could all pay (I was buying BM dress for BM#2's wedding). We figured MOH went to the bathroom. 

While paying (tons of people around) we wondered aloud if MOH was still in bathroom because it had been a little while. Then our consultant said she ran out of store. We felt terrible :( None of us could rush after her because we were all paying and it was crazy!!

We met her outside and then things went from bad to worse... We asked her to go to lunch and she said no. We went to lunch and left her in the car (we are from MV island and went to the mainland so bringing her home wasn't really an option). We took it as she wanted to be alone as we would all want to as well. We asked if she wanted to go into the mall with us she said no. We felt that because she wasn't talking she wanted to be left alone.

We were hoping she would eventually tell us something anything to snap her out of her dress dissapointment funk, because it was clear to us that she didn't want to talk. Finally she blew up at us upset in tears we didn't ask how she was...and that she was in pain and we didn't care to notice. 

MOH has chronic back pain where she is constantly in pain all the time. But she knew what a day on the mainland entailed and it was her idea to go. We felt if she was in too much pain she would tell us and we would bring her back to the boat for her to go home. She has cancelled plans and asked to leave events early due to her pain and we have always always been accommodating. It's hard to know what her pain level is because most of the time she acts normal. She is also the type of person if we asked her 24/7 how she was feeling would be like WTF please stop because she doesn't like to complain.

We tried to explain that we felt if she was upset about something she would tell us or if she was in too much pain we would have done anything to accommodate her. We apologized. She didn't want to hear it. She told BM#2 when they were alone she didn't want to be in anyone's weddings anymore. We drove her back onto the boat and she got on alone. BM#1&2 and I just sat in the car upset and crying.

We all send her long messages last night about how sorry we are and how awful we feel about this HUGE misunderstanding. She sent one back to me today still upset we didn't care to ask her. It sounds very childish but this has NEVER happened between any of us with MOH. Never. And we have all been friends for over ten years.

BM#2 and I are completely fine with her wearing a dress that matches the other BMs and it would be okay for her to have a different dress more so because she is MOH.

It sounds so silly but it comes down to her being upset we didn't ask how she was. We apologized many times. We figured she would let us know how she was feeling when she was ready as we are not mind readers. It was a misunderstanding.

We all still feel so sick about this. I am completely stressed out! My grandfather was just admitted to the hospital for pneumonia (he is 90 years old) and tomorrow I am going in for a job interview. I really don't need the added stress!!

Thanks so much ladies for listening.
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    Sounds to me like she was having some body issues when trying on the dresses and instead of sharing that with you, she blamed her bad mood on her back pain instead. I'm not saying that she wasn't in any pain, but I think the combination of not finding a dress that she was comfortable in and the back pain caused her to shut down.

    Just so I'm understanding it right, if she had ordered a dress the day you went, it would have been in about a week before your wedding...and now that she didn't "like" anything, is there even a chance that they can order her a dress in time? Or will you have to shop elsewhere (department store) for a dress? If so, its ok as long as its similar fabric as the BMs, and like you said she's the MOH and can stand out in a different dress.

    I think she was being childish about not speaking up and telling you what was going on, its not like you're a mind reader! Also, its very childish to have left DB and gone outside and sitting in the car during lunch. Neither of those two things would have relieved her back pain, she was just pouting about not being asked how she was feeling.

    Maybe something else is going on with her....i.e. body issues, $ issues, jealousy issues etc. Give her a day or two and then give her a call and chat, about her, not about the dress that she ultimately needs to buy just to make sure nothing else is going on.

    Missing Our July Sparkler
    BFP-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13 Anniversary]
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    I'm sorry you're stressing out :( I'm sure your MOH will calm down after a few days & hopefully realize that you guys didn't do anything to purposely make her upset. Maybe see if just you & her can go dress shopping, or maybe if she'd even feel more comfortable just going by herself? If she's self-conscious about her scar, maybe that's what triggered her being upset in the first place. I would give it a few days to die down. Just give her some space & hopefully things will get better! GL :)

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    edited March 2012
    I am so sorry this happened to you. And I know DB's can be super crazy, especially on a Sunday. You've expressed how sorry you are for how things were with her and didn't realize how much pain she was in. In al honesty, I don't think this is your fault because, as you said, you are not a mind reader. If she wasn't showing any pain, how were you to even know? She should have been upfront and said "hey girls, I am in a lot of pain, and I am just not feeling up to this." It's her fault for not even saying anything in the first place. Like you said, are your supposed to check up every five seconds and ask how she, or anyone for that matter, if they're feeling alright?

    I say give a few days and hopefully it will blow over. I am sure the ride on the ferry didn't help matters and it is a bit of a trip if you're not feeling well. Right now, concentrate on your job interview for tomorrow and your grandfather. Check in with her in a few days and ask how she is. Don't bring up any wedding and let her bring it up.

    Cheer up girl, and good luck tomorrow!!!

    Edit: Maybe you can find something on the island that will coordinate with the other girls?
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    It seems like she had her own personal perfect storm of emotions going on- It sounds like it was one thing on top of another and you guys just happened to be there when she blew. I know when I'm upset about something silly (even though it seems super serious at the time), that I can tend to ride that wave of "I hate everything" until ANYTHING adds to it (the dog looked at me funny, left sock is too tight, etc.)- I agree with PP about giving her a little time and then try apologizing again.

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    So sorry.  It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong.  Does she have body issues?  Or do you think she's jealous that her two BFFs are getting married at the same time? I would give it some time and let things blow over.  :(
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    I am so sorry this is happenind I am not sure what to say and if anything can make  you feel better.  Can you go to her home and talk to her in person?
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