Anyone else feel pressured (semi-vent)?

norweigan

Does anyone else feel pressured to do things at their wedding they don't necessarily want to do?
Yesterday my mom met with our venue's wedding planner. Not only did we come to find out we couldn't have the candy table I swear they said we could when we booked the place, but the woman also said the time I alloted for pictures after the ceremony was too long. The ceremony and reception are in the same place, and we had a cocktail hour planned in the middle while the wedding party took pictures. Since i really, really didn't want my FI to see me before the wedding, we alloted an hour and a half for pictures, and then a half hour of "prep" time before the reception, making the cocktail hour 2 hours.
The wedding planner and my mom both said that is way too long, and that people will get restless and resent having to wait that long. I am especially paranoid about people having a good time since we are only doing unlimited beer and wine instead of a full bar (full bar is $6000 more expensive... not worth it to me for the older men to have their scotch). The wedding planner, who works with my photographer all the time, said if we did the girl/guy shots before the wedding we should be able to get all the rest done after the wedding within an hour.
Well, talked to my photographer, and he basically said that would be hard to get it done in less than an hour and a half if we don't want to be crazy rushed My mom gave me all the benefits of taking the pictures before the wedding.
I don't know what to do now. I don't want people to have to wait forever and get bored (even though we are having lots of wine and beer and food for them) but I had my heart set on him not seeing me before the ceremony.

dori851

I agree with your mom & wedding planner that a two-hour cocktail hour is way too long. I definitely think that your guests will start to get restless & probably a bit bored. I was just in a wedding where the bride & groom did not see each other until the ceremony. They took as many pictures as possible before the ceremony so basically the only ones that needed to be taken after the ceremony were the whole WP & just the B&G. This only took them about 40 minutes, so they had a few minutes to relax before the reception started.

I also went to a wedding a couple months ago where the B&G spent an hour & a half taking pictures after the ceremony & a lot of their guests left the reception because they were bored, restless, hungry (even though a few appetizers were served, they wanted dinner).

So, I would definitely not have a two-hour cocktail hour. And, I would take every single possible picture you can before the ceremony so you don't have too many to take after the ceremony. I'm sure you can do it in less than an hour & a half, especially since your ceremony & reception are at the same place!

RivieraBound

While I do understand not wanting to feel pressured into anything, I do agree with your mom and planner that a 2 hour cocktail hour is too long.  Do you plan to have a lot of appetizers and will they be spaced out?  I would imagine the food would be gone within the first hour leaving guests nothing to do but drink for the 2nd hour.

I don't want to see FI before the wedding either, so we are doing shots of the girls, then the boys separately before the ceremony then all of us after the ceremony.  Are you saying if you do that the photographer still thinks yall need 2 hours after ceremony? 

Also, people will have a good time having beer/wine only.  The only reason we are including liquor is because the venue said we could bring our own and they will serve it at no extra charge.  If it was 6k more I would be serving beer and wine and I would not be worried at all about whether they would have a good time.

So I would not budge on seeing FI before the wedding.  But I would try hard to see how I could cut that cocktail hour down to 1 hour.

GL!

bpphoto785

I agree w/ PP, 2 hours for cocktails is too long and guests will get bored. I am also not seeing FI before the ceremony. We're taking BM/GM & family pictures before the ceremony and then doing pics with the whole WP and each other during cocktail hour. And I agree that providing just beer and wine is fine.

How long do you have your photographer for? Is that why he thinks you won't have enough time?

amandad18

I agree with everyone else- 2 hours is way too long for a cocktail "hour."

If the photographer needs so much time, is there any way to do all the WP pictures during cocktail hour, and then you and your husband could slip out after dinner or once the dancing has started to do pictures of just the two of you?

FutureMrsW9

We are doing our photos before the ceremony.  I know it's non-traditional, but then you'll get to enjoy your entire event and now worry about fitting all the pictures in.  It's so common now, too.  Your photographer and planner will set up a really nice first-look for you, if you want, and it'll be a wonderful moment.  That's what we're doing.  And, I agree that a 2 hour cocktail hour is way too long.  Your guests will get restless and uncomfortable.  We're also doing our "receiving line" at the cocktail hour so that once the reception starts we've already seen everyone and can just relax and party - I don't want to worry about making it to every table - screw that!  LOL I paid way too much money to miss my favorite songs on the dance floor because I have to talk to FI's Aunt Betty.  I think you should work it out however you can do that your cocktail hour is no more than just that - an hour - and you are able to enjoy the fruits of all your planning labor, otherwise what's the point????  Anyway....that's my 2 cents.

evenundomiel

This is a great way to do it! My photographer is doing every possible picture without my FI and I having to see each other before the ceremony and them the ones with us both in pictures during cocktail hour. We have a few special pics we'd like to take and are going to step out during dancing to get them. At that point in the night all of the "must have" stuff is done and people are more relaxed and happy to just have a good time, without needing you two around all the time. I'd bring up your concerns to your photog! He/she is a pro and must hear this kind of worry all the time!

vineyard12

I agree that a 2 hour cocktail reception is too long. If I had to wait that long, I would probably leave. Is your wedding party that large that it will take two hours to take photos? I am not seeing FI before the wedding either, and we will take our seperate photos beforehand. Maybe you could also do this with the wedding party and after the ceremony, take a few more with the WP and family. We have an hour between ceremony and reception, so I think that's ample time to take photos. If you have your photographer all night, maybe you could slip away for extra photos of just the two of you.

As far as the alcohol, we are only doing beer and wine. If someone wants liquor, they'll have to buy it on their own. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

AurorasEnvy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_anyone-else-feel-pressured-semi-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:d858661d-7cc7-46cf-829a-7766fc44a9f9Post:f78f32b1-424e-460e-9eda-97388b1e0f64">Re: Anyone else feel pressured (semi-vent)?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is a great way to do it! My photographer is doing every possible picture without my FI and I having to see each other before the ceremony and them the ones with us both in pictures during cocktail hour. We have a few special pics we'd like to take and are going to step out during dancing to get them. At that point in the night all of the "must have" stuff is done and people are more relaxed and happy to just have a good time, without needing you two around all the time. I'd bring up your concerns to your photog! He/she is a pro and must hear this kind of worry all the time!
Posted by evenundomiel[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree with this!  We are having an hour an a half for cocktail "hour", but my ceremony isn't at the same place as my reception either.  Might be a compromise, though.

</div>

mandydc0509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_anyone-else-feel-pressured-semi-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:d858661d-7cc7-46cf-829a-7766fc44a9f9Post:f78f32b1-424e-460e-9eda-97388b1e0f64">Re: Anyone else feel pressured (semi-vent)?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is a great way to do it! My photographer is doing every possible picture without my FI and I having to see each other before the ceremony and them the ones with us both in pictures during cocktail hour. We have a few special pics we'd like to take and are going to step out during dancing to get them. At that point in the night all of the "must have" stuff is done and people are more relaxed and happy to just have a good time, without needing you two around all the time. I'd bring up your concerns to your photog! He/she is a pro and must hear this kind of worry all the time!
Posted by evenundomiel[/QUOTE]

This is what we're doing since my FI does not want to see me before the ceremony. A two hour wait is definitely too long.

mandi921vh

I agree with PPs, 2 hours is too long and you can still get all of your photos taken that can be taken before ceremony without seeing your FI.

norweigan

Idk. I talked to my photographer and they sent me a new timeline which I sent to the wedding planner... who still thinks it is too long...
This whole thing has gotten me kind of emotional and I don't know why.

SunshineShades

We are having about 1.5 hours where guests are on their own. Then a cocktail hour that is really about 30 - 45 minutes. Everything is at one location, but there is a lot guests can do around town between events.
This is VERY typical in my area. At just about every wedding I have been to FI and I entertain ourselves between the ceremony and reception.
So you could have guests be on their own for an hour (could check into hotels, grab a coffee or a drink elsewhere) and then an hour cocktail hour at your venue.

COSmitty

First.... deep breaths!

Second... these people work for you. So outline your timeline and ask how that will impact them and why.

Ask your photographer why they think it will take so long- certain types of shots? Aiming for a staged sunset photo? Lots of family groupings?

Remember- the photographer works for you and so don't let them dictate your entire wedding timeline. My sister and her husband stepped out during the cocktail hour for a few more shots in the nice light and then snuck a few in after they cut the cake. It does not allllll have to be done in one sitting. 

You will be fine- an hour or hour and a half is fine. I come from the Catholic world so when there were long lags I just went to starbucks to hang out before returning. It will be lovely :-)

S0095042

unfor. I agree with PPs. a 2 hr. cocktail hour is WAY too long...
as for the actual photog. time...why not step out at some point during the reception to do a few more shots of you and the FI? - if you are absolutly against a first look...

mrsgoad2B

I would stick with your gut and not see your FI before the wedding. That is what we are doing. 

We are giong to get every possible picture we can done before the wedding and the rest afterwards in about 30-45 minutes. We also are having a photo booth so that the guests can be using that while they are waiting on us.