Family doesn't get it - advice?

knottieeafa1bb2d69fa208

Hi all - 

Im struggling with my family and am feeling no emotional support from them. I'm the first to get married but I feel like they're not even trying to understand what they should be doing. My wedding is less than two weeks away and I want to be reassured that things will be taken care of on my wedding day and that people won't be coming to me or my fiance with problems. I'm trying to organize contacts for the vendors and I asked my mom if I could give the florist her cell number in case they need to reach someone during the delivery. And my mom's response was "well, what if I'm getting ready?" Honestly, I think my family thinks that I should be continuing to do everythign on my wedding day including checking on vendors, fielding complaints, etc. I had to convincemy mom to let me give her number to the florist and I can't even believe that. Don't they know that they should be trying to make the actual day stress free and enjoyable for me? The last time I tried to talk to them about these things they told me I was ungrateful and selfish. I want to bring it up again - am I being unreasonable? I'm trying to figure out how to talk to them again (starting with my mom) and remain calm and try to keep my emotions in check, because I get upset. OK weird - my mom called me in the middle of this. When I tried to talk to her agai, she said I was being a bridezilla and that on her wedding day she did things herself and the fact that I expected people to do things for me was selfish. Am I losing it? Am I really being ungrateful?

AurorasEnvy

Well, I understand wanting emotional support from your family, but it sounds to me like what you are actually upset over is lack of logistical/physical support.  To be honest, I can see where your mom is coming from.  I know it is your wedding, but for other VIPs like your mom it is also a big event that they are going to want to enjoy, not worry about doing a laundry list of menial tasks of on the day of.  Your mom probably doesn't want to deal with this stuff for the same reason you don't want to - it's a big day for both of you.  Honestly, when it comes down to it, it is your wedding and you guys are ultimately responsible for everything, not your guests.

I don't want to be mean, but I do think it's a bit unreasonable to EXPECT people to do stuff for you.  If they offer great, but the fact that you had to ask and they didn't seem like they wanted to would make me let it be and certainly not ask them multiple times.  They probably want to enjoy the day responsiblity-free just as much as you do, and I can't really fault them for that.  I wouldn't take it personally.

This is exactly why I hired a DOC - so I wouldn't have to worry about it, and so my closest and most trusted friends/family wouldn't have to, either.  That being said, it might be too late for that....is there a responsible "friend of a friend" you could "hire" so to speak to help be your go-to person for the day?  One of my classmates in school was in a wedding where the bride hired a bunch of other classmates she could vouch for to help set things up, transport stuff, etc. on the day of the wedding.  Just a thought.

mandi921vh

I agree with Aurora.. have there been any guests who have said something along the lines of "oh let me know if you need help with anything?"  If so then those are the people you should ask for help. I would give your information, chances are they won't call unless their is a problem...

Flowerstar1023

That sucks that your mom isn't being supportive. It's one thing to not want to handle a bunch of details. It's another to not even be willing to field a phone call from the florist on the day of or recognize that you're under a lot of stress. That being said, it doesn't sound like talking it out is doing much good. Maybe you can try and make sure your vendors are all prepared. Do you have a facility type coordinator who could field calls or a catering event manager? At this point, I'd say just try and focus on the positive and let your mom do as little or as much as she wants. Stinks but no use getting more frustrated about it when it won't change. That sucks! I'm so sorry!

knottieeafa1bb2d69fa208

Thanks - Yes there is a contact at the reception venue, I'll check and see if I can give her as a contact for vendors. 

And thanks for the reality check. It's been a bit more of the emotional stuff which I didn't get into as much in this post just because this was the latest piece that was bothering me. But, you're right, I shouldn't expect things from people. I think I just always assumed my family would be like other families when I've been part of other people's weddings. But I'm learning that I can't really compare. 

caitlinc09

This was why I was so glad my venue came with a DOC because I feel like this tension would happen between my mom and me as well. I think you should look into hiring someone to help with all of this, since it's so last minute maybe you could hire an amateur planner to help you out and they won't cost as much either. This would resolve all of your family issues and everyone would be able to enjoy the day as well. 

kimberlykh

I agree.  See if you can hire someone, even an amateur, to act as a liason or DOC.  I think it would take a lot of stress away!

FutureMrsW9

I 100% agree with Aurora - and I hired a DOC for the exact same reasons!  I did give my BMs a few tasks (like picking up bagels and coffee the morning of and holding on to the money envelopes haha), but ultimately for set-up logistics and things like that I wanted someone solely responsible for that who was with me throughout my planning process and knew EXACTLY how I want things.  Did you venue assing a Maitre'D to you?  I know they're mostly concerned about the food/service, but if they want a good tip I would think they'd be willing to help you.  Or what about trying to find a DOC last minute?  They might even give you a good discount to just get the work at this point.  You'd have a busy week getting them up to speed on everything, but I think you'd find it'll be a thousand times worth it.  My DOC was the #1 best money I spent throughout my entire planning process hands down.