Trying Not to Nag-BM dresses

em01092

One of my BMs has still not ordered her dress, and last I spoke with her when I visited her, all she did was complain about her finances. She is recently married, just moved (we spoke days before her move), and started back to college. She is now about 4 hours away from our wedding location, and I feel like crap knowing she would have to take on $300 ish for a dress, hotel room for 2 nights, gas, etc. 

So I sent her a FB message (she is not a phone girl and I made sure to add smileys and !s so she would know I was not mad or "kicking her out.") letting her know that I still want her to be a BM, but that I will not be upset if she would prefer to attend as a guest. I told her I felt bad hearing about all her woes and did not mean to cause her more stress than she needed. Yes, I know, I probably shouldn't have sent a message, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want her feeling trapped into this commitment, you know? I get that times are hard. NBD. I also mentioned if she does still want/can afford to be a BM, she needs to order the dress no later than Feb 11, or she will have to pay a rush fee. 

That was a week ago...no reply. No text, call, returned FB message, nada. I'm sort of annoyed that she can't just give me an answer, you know? I have to pay my florist bill soon, and I need to know how many bouquets to order! FILs are budgeting for the RD and need to know how many are in the WP! My MOH asked me today if she should send said BM an email about shower/bachelorette stuff, because we don't know if she is a BM at this point. 

FTR, she and I discussed budgets and she said getting a dress was no problem. I let them pick the style, just knee length in AA petunia. She's always been bad about this kind of thing (had a prom dress, limo and tickets paid for, but bailed 2 days before), so I knew this might happen when I asked her. Just annoyed that's all. Ok vent over! 

mybestfriend4eva

Sorry to hear Erica! I had a similar problem with a BM who was very involved and then all of a sudden dropped off completely. So I feel your pain. Just relax and at the end of the day you have to make your deadlines which is awful I know. But if she cant reply to you by the time you have to make final decisions then do what you need to do for your wedding. I wouldnt want you to fall behind or not have something you want because you were waiting out someone.

quiggels219

I know you said she's not a phone girl but I'd call her if it was me - I'm not a phone girl either but sometimes you just have to. I couldn't tell from your post if you had or if your fb message was the only contact. Also, is she a computer fb girl or iPhone b/c my iPhone doesn't notify me when i have a new message and I never go on on the comp so I can't tell you how many times I've had messages and weeks later noticed. Maybe even shoot her a text? Or I think having the moh call and feel her out about parties may be a good idea. I'm sorry this is happening to you it is so frustrating when people don't respond and just let you know things. When I was a moh for my best friend last year there was a bm who acted very similar to this - waited and waited to order her dress and book her ticket even though she kept saying it would get done and RSVPed to the wedding and then didn't show up and afterwards told my friend it was just too expensive! So crazy just tell pp right away it saves so many headaches right? You sound like you're being really level headed and understanding about which is awesome - hopefully she comes around

em01092

Quiggles, she came over to my house before she moved away, so that was the last we talked. I tried calling her recently, before all of this, and she didn't answer, only to text me what's up 2 mins later! She does that a lot, always did through HS too...if she was at work or the doctor or something, fair enough, but she said she was at home watching TV! Whatever. 

I thought it was possible maybe that she didn't get word about my message, but we've messaged recently on FB (when my MOH chose her style, I let all the other maids know that style was off limits-this BM replied and asked a few questions about the wedding) and she has the same BlackBerry for several months now, so idk. I texted her just now and asked her if she got my message, so we'll see what she says! 

blgrout

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_trying-not-nag-bm-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:0f591261-b7b4-42a2-a609-d0341347fea6Post:ad7d5edb-5045-4223-b026-6bb29784e2d0">Re: Trying Not to Nag-BM dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]Quiggles, she came over to my house before she moved away, so that was the last we talked. <strong>I tried calling her recently, before all of this, and she didn't answer, only to text me what's up 2 mins later!</strong> She does that a lot, always did through HS too...if she was at work or the doctor or something, fair enough, but she said she was at home watching TV! Whatever.  I thought it was possible maybe that she didn't get word about my message, but we've messaged recently on FB (when my MOH chose her style, I let all the other maids know that style was off limits-this BM replied and asked a few questions about the wedding) and she has the same BlackBerry for several months now, so idk. I texted her just now and asked her if she got my message, so we'll see what she says! 
Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]


That annoys me to no end when people do that!  That stinks that she isn't communicating with you.  I wish I had some advice for you, other than just wait and see what happens.  You've done everything you can do, IMO to try and make sure she knows that the clock is ticking on getting stuff done.  You also gave her an out if she needs it, and it doesn't sound like you were bitchy about it.  I guess hurry up and wait?  Hopefully she pulls it together and at least responds with some sort of answer.