BM Vent 3 days before...uuugh!

FutureMrsW9

OK, maybe it's just me and where I'm from, but if I agree to be a BM I'm agreeing to buy a dress and any accessories, necessary alterations, contribute to the shower and bachelorette party, give the bride a gift of some sort, and of course be there and help out however she needs. 

Well.......I have a BM who lives out of state and has done absolutely nothing to help me through the planning process, didn't come or contribute to either my shower or bachelorette party, and is having ME take her dress tomorrow to have the alterations finished because she couldn't figure it out on her own.  A typical BM dress around here is anywhere from $200-300, and I felt bad asking the girls to spend that much so I found a place and got my floor-length all satin gowns with trains for $130 - hello that's freakin' CHEAP!  So she paid for that and some of the alterations for the dress and that is IT.  Oh, and she's getting her hair done at HER option - I'm not forcing them to - and that's $75.  So all in all she's spending MAX $250 on my wedding and hasn't lifted a finger to help me.  Oh, did I mention that she didn't even send me a shower gift, card, or even "I hope you have a great day sorry I couldn't be there" text message - NOTHING????  I have weddings that I've spent well over $500-600 on and I wasn't even part of the bridal party, but I don't say a word.  I guess maybe I'm just a giver, not a taker.  And don't get me wrong, I don't expect any gifts or anything, but some kinda of acknowledgement about the shower would have been nice from a BM of all people.

So now, I find out that she had the nerve to say to her mom that she thinks my wedding is extravagant and she's paying way too much money so when she gets married she's doing the same so I have to pay a ton of money when I'm her BM.  Are you flippin' kidding me??????  WHO SAYS THAT?!?!?!?! 

Uuuuuuugh......ok, I feel better now.  I just need to get through the next couple days, marry my best friend and get the heck outta here to Hawaii on Sunday!!!!!!

[Deleted User]

Wow that is such an awful thing to say!  What a terrible attitude.  I am sure you were excited about including her in your big day, too.  What a let down.  At least you have the right attitude about it all.  Keep up that positive attitude!

careydes

Years ago, I used to tell people that I was going to have all the people who I was a Bridesmaid for be my bridesmaids, and they would have to wear the same dress they made me wear.

But you can bet I wore those dresses on their wedding days, and I wore them proudly.  Proud to be standing up with my close friend, on her special day.

I've also been the out-of-state bridesmaid who could do very little to help... and I probably have made some of my closest friends become very frustrated with me.  I would have been happy to help in any way I could, but I had no idea what went into a wedding, so I ultimately had no idea how I could help. 

Now that I've been on this side, I can totally see how frustrating it is to deal with a bridesmaid like me     But that's what the May laides here are for, right?? 

Hope it is smooth sailing from here on out!

FutureMrsW9

Haha I guess that's true....she won't really understand how her actions are affecting me until she's in the bridal shoes.  It'll be fine, I'm just mostly annoyed that she said something to her mom and then her mom repeated it in front of us!!!! 

caitlinc09

Call me snide, but when she gets married she can get a dose of her own medicine! Just saying...

Some people are brats and some people truly don't understand wedding etiquette. It sucks and she sounds like a whiner in general, I would just do your best to let it roll off and just be excited that you are getting married in 3 DAYS!!! WOOHOO! 

cssme13

Totally having BM issues too. It is frustrating and I don't think people realize that as a bride you are doing more than just putting on a pretty dress and walking down the aisle, there is so much more that goes into a wedding and some people just don't see that. Don't let her get to you, you only have three days!!

AurorasEnvy

Sounds like she has an attitude problem & is clueless about what it's really like to be in her wedding.  If someone said something like that to me, I'd be like "no thanks" when they asked me to be a BM.

blahblah85

Honestly, I'd never expect my Bridesmaids to spend that much money, and get me a gift on top of it.  Shes not just spending $250 max on your wedding.  Shes also having to cover her travel costs...ect ect ect.  No offence, but you are really asking a lot of her, and I think you are being slightly unfair. 

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_bm-vent-3-days-beforeuuugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:f2aa8319-85ce-455c-a5d0-e5b4f0624f3fPost:642e28bf-cf4d-4c16-9748-e066be3e4a1c">Re: BM Vent 3 days before...uuugh!</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I'd never expect my Bridesmaids to spend that much money, and get me a gift on top of it.  Shes not just spending $250 max on your wedding.  Shes also having to cover her travel costs...ect ect ect.  No offence, but you are really asking a lot of her, and I think you are being slightly unfair. 
Posted by blahblah85[/QUOTE]

This is what I was thinking... Did you ask them what they could afford to spend on a dress? That price may be cheap to you, but for some that may be the top of their budget. If you are making your BMs wear specific jewelry or shoes you are to pay for them... BMs are not the ones supposed to be helping you plan your wedding. None of my BMs have offered to help with anything WR, it isn't there job, it's mine and FI's job to plan our wedding... Just because you have spent a lot of money attending/being a BM doesn't mean you should expect the same...