Another registry question

ashlidie

So reading Sugar's post reminded me of something I have sort of forced out of my mind for a while, and that is what I am going to do about a registry.  The thing is, FI and I already live together in a 1 bedroom apartment and we will be there for several years after we are married.  We already have everything we need and every closet we have is already packed to the max (only a 700 sq.ft place).  Basically, we don't want or need any more stuff.  And even if we could use it for later in life, we have no where to put it and I am not paying to store my "stuff" anywhere.

So is it a huge faux pas to not have a registry?  Honestly we prefer money instead because we are saving to buy a home sometime around 2016.  Unfortunately I don't know any graceful way to say "so if you plan to give us a gift, please just give us money" lol

SugarFoote

Does everyone already know that you have a house together? Because if they do, then maybe they will be like, "oh hey, they already have what they need...sooo here's some money for what they want!" lol. Hey, it could happen! I'm just saying that if they already know your living situation then they might give you money because they don't know what else to get you other than that...People are probably going to understand that you (since you already have a house and live in it) don't need 15 different sets of dinnerware...

What I am about to say might be (actually I know it is) an etiquette "no-no" (and might possibly ruffle a few feathers) but if people include the receipt you could always take it back. When I give a WR gift, I always include the receipt and say, "If you already have one, or don't like it, feel free to return/exchange it". They know their situation better than I do...

cnf2013

Typically, asking for for money outright is considered rude. I totally understand where you're coming from. My FI and I already bought a house and by the time we're married we'll have been living together for three years. So we don't need a lot of stuff either (I mean seriously, we already have two blenders and two crackpots, I don't need three). There are registry websites that you can do a registry through where you can ask for money. But if you do this, good etiquette is to say the intended use for the money. So if it's going towards a down payment for a house, make a house fund registry. Don't just ask for money straight out. I know that in today's world that doesn't seem rude, but older guests may get offended. I can post the link to one of the registry sites when I get home. I have it bookmarked on my computer at home, I'm on my work computer right now. 

For people who will insist on buying you something material, I'd say upgrade what you have. FI and I tend to register for high end things, like a down comforter for our bed, some new, high quality silverware, dishes, a dyson vacuum to replace our crummy walmart one, things like that. Stuff we bought on the cheap for our apartment that, had we had more money, we would have bought nicer/higher quality versions of. Also, anything we realise we wish we had but can live without for another year. Like serving platters. We just got a grill and realised that we don't have platters to put food on and are going through lots of plates instead. We can live without one, but it'd be nice to have some, so we're going to register for it. 

emilyb213

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:01833e7f-cf13-4b34-ac0d-5f0202ddd1fbPost:bc9c6484-b619-4315-b0fb-ecd9a12ab4e7">Re: Another registry question</a>:
[QUOTE]Typically, asking for for money outright is considered rude. I totally understand where you're coming from. My FI and I already bought a house and by the time we're married we'll have been living together for three years. So we don't need a lot of stuff either (I mean seriously, we already have two blenders and two crackpots, I don't need three). There are registry websites that you can do a registry through where you can ask for money. But if you do this, good etiquette is to say the intended use for the money. So if it's going towards a down payment for a house, make a house fund registry. Don't just ask for money straight out. I know that in today's world that doesn't seem rude, but older guests may get offended. I can post the link to one of the registry sites when I get home. I have it bookmarked on my computer at home, I'm on my work computer right now.  <strong>For people who will insist on buying you something material, I'd say upgrade what you have. FI and I tend to register for high end things, like a down comforter for our bed, some new, high quality silverware, dishes, a dyson vacuum to replace our crummy walmart one, things like that. Stuff we bought on the cheap for our apartment that, had we had more money, we would have bought nicer/higher quality versions of. Also, anything we realise we wish we had but can live without for another year. Like serving platters. We just got a grill and realised that we don't have platters to put food on and are going through lots of plates instead. We can live without one, but it'd be nice to have some, so we're going to register for it. 
</strong>Posted by cnf2013[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what we plan on doing. We live in our own house, so we have a lot of stuff already, but it would be nice to have a good set of silverware, nice towels, etc.

Ash, if you think your guests wouldn't be offended, maybe you could enlist the help of your immediate family and a close friend or two to drop hints to people? So, you know, when your sister (or whoever) is chatting with one of your aunts about the wedding, she can be like "Yeah, I know they're really trying to save up money for a house, since their apartment is small and they don't have much room now."

bar10521

FI and I are in a similar situation. We're in a small one bedroom apt with more crap than we need. We're also trying to save for a house by 2014, if I could I'd move tomorrow though. So I go back and foth on if we should even bother registering for things we don't actually need. From what I've seen after much lurking on the etiquette board is that if you don't need/want anything then you don't have to register and people should get the hint that you'd prefer cash. They also say to decline having a shower in that case "because no one wants to watch you open cards with money." I agree with cnf though that you could have a small registry to upgrade the things you already have, you can always donate your old items. Personally I don't think there is any great way to ask for cash but if I was attending a wedding with no registry that would be my go to gift.

sparkles776

There really is no graceful way to tell people that you would prefer cash. What I would do is create a really small registry for those who insist on buying you material items and maybe tell some close family members that you are hoping for cash to save for a house, and let the word spread. Are you having a shower? By the time of our wedding, FI and I will have lived together for over 3 years, we have a condo and dont have a ton of space and hope to be in a house 1-2 years after we are married. Even though we have everything, I am really excited to upgrade. I definitely want new pots and pans and towels, i dont love my blender, etc. If you dont love something, register for a new one.

sssdee

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_another-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:01833e7f-cf13-4b34-ac0d-5f0202ddd1fbPost:9786df7d-6185-4df3-ad54-df67f0db4cda">Re: Another registry question</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>There really is no graceful way to tell people that you would prefer cash. What I would do is create a really small registry for those who insist on buying you material items and maybe tell some close family members that you are hoping for cash to save for a house, and let the word spread</strong>. Are you having a shower? By the time of our wedding, FI and I will have lived together for over 3 years, we have a condo and dont have a ton of space and hope to be in a house 1-2 years after we are married. Even though we have everything, I am really excited to upgrade. I definitely want new pots and pans and towels, i dont love my blender, etc. If you dont love something, register for a new one.
Posted by sparkles776[/QUOTE]

This!

FI and I will have lived together for 5 years and definitely don't really need much since we bought everything brand new initially for the house.

We definitely want money (Who doesn't? And we're very picky in things we like) so we are creating a small regaistry with items that we wouldn't mind upgrading but letting the word of mouth from our immediate family pass on that we would prefer a montary gift. There are always people who will want to buy you something off the registery instead of giving cash so having a small one should give people the hint and reduce getting 'random' gifts (but I'm sure someone will still buy something that makes you wonder what the heck it is LOL)

I once got a wedding invitation from a friend's wedding on it and said no boxed gifts - which was a direct "WE WANT MONEY" and was quite rude IMO (their parents both footed the bill so they had literally zero expenses towards the wedding, had the house bought already and basically want to make money off of the wedding - I wish I was kidding) And I'm not the type of person who has many negative things to say about a wedding - especially a friends wedding but that one took the cake! I think some rules are ok to be broken but this 'friend' broke ALL of them and crossed the tacky line several times :s

Klyn1983

There is also a Honeymoon registry. A cousin of mine did this last year and I saw that a bunch of people were getting her things from it. It included: champagne and limo from airport, dinner on the beach, spa items, champagne in the room upon arrival, scuba excursions, etc.

cnf2013

Here's the link to the registry website I mentioned before. It has a "cash" option available, so you can "ask" for money without having to openly say so. And you can throw a few material items in for those who insist on buying you something.  http://www.myregistry.com/

Jaridds68

As a lot of PP's have said, you cannot ask for money outright. However, if you keep your registry minimal that should give ppl the hint that you'd rather have cash. You can also spread through word of mouth that you are saving up for your home. And if anybody outright asks you what you want, you can quickly say 'we are hoping to save up for a down payment for our first home,' and then move on.

ashlidie

Wow ladies, you have been great, thanks so much for all the advice, website ideas and tips!  I think most of you have a good idea, maybe put a few things on a registry id like to upgrade for a few people who want to give gifts, and spread the word that we are really saving for a down payment on a house, so hopefully that will catch on.

Again, thanks so much!