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June 2013 Weddings
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I need help compromising!

leed0019leed0019
10 Comments Second Anniversary
in June 2013 Weddings
My FI and I have been engaged for over a year and were originally planning a small wedding with just close family and friends for what I thought was due to financial reasons.  My mom who knew that I had always wanted a larger wedding offered to help us out financially so we could have a larger wedding.  The guest list is family out to first cousins and close friends totaling 170. 

Now my FI told me that the reason he wanted a smaller wedding is not because of finances but because he only wanted to be surrounded by people that we are close to which he was hoping to be no more then 70.  I understand and respect his wants, but I still want a larger wedding.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to compromise?  The only ones I have found have been to have a small ceremony and large reception or to have a party after the original wedding.  I personally feel like it is rude to not invite guests to the ceremony because it is the purpose of the entire event. (This is just my opinion, I am not trying to put anyone else down who may be doing this.)

Please Help!
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Re: I need help compromising!

  • sparkles776sparkles776 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Your completely right, it is rude to not invite guests to the ceremony but invite them to the reception, so definitely stay away from that! Honestly, this is really hard and I was in the same situation. I was the one actually that wanted the small wedding. FI wanted a larger wedding. We are going with the larger wedding, but like you are only extending it out through first cousins and close friends, and we are around 185 right now. WAY larger then I had planned on, but I am okay with it now. Honestly, I dont know how to compromise. I feel like in this case someone has to give in. The reason why I finally gave into the larger wedding was because I wanted to make FI happy and I know if I left some of the family and close friends out, they would be really hurt.

    One thing you could tell your FI too, not all those 170 people are going to come. You will probably end up with closer to 150? I would re-examine your guest list too to see if there is anyone you can cut. FI and I have friends that we have been friends with since we were little kids on the guest list. A couple of our friendships are really fading- We both agreed if we dont see these people by the end of the year, they will be cut. Just think about who you absolutely cannot picture not being there for your day and who you could do without. Thats what helped me out a lot. Sorry for the novel, and let us know what your decide to do!
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  • leed0019leed0019
    10 Comments Second Anniversary
    I really appreciate the advice! It is nice to know I am not the only one dealing with this!  Another thing I should mention is that my FI said that he is fine with it because it is my day, and that honestly upsets me.  This day is about the two of us and I don't want to do anything to make him feel uncomfortable.  

    Sparkles, is there anything your FI said to you that helped you with being ok with a larger wedding?
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  • sparkles776sparkles776 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I totally agree. I get so mad when people say "well its your day" No, its not. Its his day too. He really didnt say anything to me. When we first got engaged, we kept going back and forth between a big and small wedding. What made me decide to go with the bigger wedding was when he kept saying "I am fine with a small wedding if thats what you want, but I would be really sad not inviting so and so". That did it for me. I didnt want him to regret not having certain people at the wedding.
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  • lodonnell616lodonnell616 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Funnily enough, the last time we talked about getting married before we got engaged was about this exact topic.  I wanted a really small wedding (like under 60 people), he wanted it to be bigger...and when he proposed just before Thanksgiving and I saw how deleriously happy and excited all of my aunts & uncles were, then I realized that there was no way I could have a small wedding and not include them. 

    Maybe your FI will suddenly have a moment like that, too?

    Whatever you decide, make sure you have your budget in line (including max guest list & cost) before you pick a venue...because additional people add up quickly.
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  • chrryblndchickchrryblndchick
    10 Comments
    Maybe you could tell your FI that 170 isn't that bad. Our guest list is going to be close to 300. Both my parents and FI's parents are divorced and remarried, so we have a crazy amount of extended family that we have to invite. Could help put things into perspective for him :)
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