June 2013 Weddings
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BP Help!

FI and I are stuck!  We're trying to figure out our wedding party and it's becoming more complicated then we thought.  When we first decided who we were going to put in the wedding it seemed like it would work.  Now comes the sticky part...I want to ask my brothers wife to be in the wedding, but I feel if I do then I'm excluding my brother.  My brother isn't one of those guys who would seem angry but we're close and I really wanted him to be a part of the wedding.  Now, FI has said that we can get rid of one of his guys and put my brother in but I don't know if that's fair...What should we do???  I don't want FI to feel slighted because we're asking my brother to be in the wedding but not one of his friends.  Oh BTW..FI doesn't not want an uneven bridal party.  I've tried multiple times to convince him other wise but he won't listen haha.

Re: BP Help!

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    Hi! I was in a similar kind of situation. I am in my brother's wedding this year as a bridesmaid, my FI is not.  I am asking my (future) sister in law to be in the wedding.

    However, my FI feels as though he is not close enough to my brother for him to be a groomsman. Mind you, we already have 7 on each side, so that would make it 8 for his. The odd number isn't an issue, its just that there are so many!   As first I had a problem the fact that he didn't want my brother in the wedding, but I realized that the friends that he had asked has been there much more for us as a couple than my brother has. I respect his decision considering these people are his best friends and he has been friends with most of them since high school.

    Maybe you could ask your brother to usher along with someone else?
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    edited June 2012
    Could you have your brother help out in any other way, like as an usher or something? Then he isn't "technically" in the wedding party, so the sides won't be uneven, but he can still wear a tux/be a part of the wedding, etc.  Are you getting married in a Church ceremony? If so, maybe you could ask him to do one of the readings.


    ETA: I should read before I post, I second PP usher idea ;)

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    SB1512SB1512 member
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    If it's important for you to have your brother in the wedding, then he can stand up on your side.  Has FI already asked his groomsmen to be a part of the wedding?  If so, he can't get rid of one to make room for your brother, that would be extremely rude.
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    Ok thanks!  We had discussed that he could give a toast after dinner.  We were also going to ask FI's sister give a toast also.  My mom had said that I need to just sit down with my brother and his wife and discuss it with them.  FI has only asked two people so far so it wouldn't be a problem adding my brother I just don't want any hurt feelings because of our decision.  If this is the only issue FI and I have had so far then I guess it's not that bad! 
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    I agree with PPs, I would ask him to be an usher or help out in another way. I personally am having an uneven bridal party--FI is having one more person than I am. We originally were going to have even sides, but I have decided against asking one of the people I planned on.
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    I agree with the usher idea! Plus I think since it's your brother it won't be that big of a deal, I don't think men care about  being in the WP as much as women do.
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