MAJOR setback. ::stressed!!::

Klyn1983

We've had our reception/venue location booked for a couple months now. We thought it was a huge check off of our list. (they are in the same location) However, when we booked the ceremony site wasn't set up and we couldn't see what it looked like.

Last week we did. ::cue instant panic::

It was the most depressing room I have EVER seen. Think of an office boardroom: 8 ft ceilings, some white fabric draped in one corner, the rest you can see flimsy walls. Hard plastic white chairs that belong OUTSIDE. And an arch that has seen better days, and dingy carpet. 

FI turned to me in horror and said we can't get married here, and I fully agree. However, now we have to find a church that'll marry non-members.

A non-denominational church just responded to my inquiry by saying they will not marry us unless we live separately, can prove that we do not live together and all dresses (bridal & bridesmaid) has to be approved by them and they can tell you 'no' based on the neckline/length of the dress.

I'm so stressed. 

FutureMrsPrice2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_major-setback-stressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:306de49a-959c-4ac5-8060-821ff0d98d04Post:00e1de1d-07d8-4b0b-a123-2d3bc61194c6">MAJOR setback. ::stressed!!::</a>:
[QUOTE]We've had our reception/venue location booked for a couple months now. We thought it was a huge check off of our list. (they are in the same location) However, when we booked the ceremony site wasn't set up and we couldn't see what it looked like. Last week we did. ::cue instant panic:: It was the most depressing room I have EVER seen. Think of an office boardroom: 8 ft ceilings, some white fabric draped in one corner, the rest you can see flimsy walls. Hard plastic white chairs that belong OUTSIDE. And an arch that has seen better days, and dingy carpet.  FI turned to me in horror and said we can't get married here, and I fully agree. However, now we have to find a church that'll marry non-members. A non-denominational church just responded to my inquiry by saying they will not marry us unless we live separately, can prove that we do not live together and all dresses (bridal & bridesmaid) has to be approved by them and they can tell you 'no' based on the neckline/length of the dress. :( I'm so stressed. 
Posted by Klyn1983[/QUOTE]

OMG! I would've cried! My mom really wanted a church but to me it was too much hassle. I had a church literally tell me to my face that they won't marry "outsiders". Just because I'm not a member doesn't mean I'm a leper lol. If you really want a church be prepared for rules galore. Do you have a state house or maybe a gov't building that people have weddings at? Perhaps look into that if all else fails :)

Klyn1983

It took everything in me to not break down in tears.  

There are a few more churches on my list and one we are going to look at this weekend. Hopefully we like it and can get approved. Worst case scenario we will have to stay in that room and just spend more money decorating it so it doesn't look so sad. (I really hope we don't have to do that though.)

Berry327

Ack!  Since June weather is usually pretty good, how about having the ceremony in a local park and have a non-religious officiant? You'll have to rent some things, but it might not be too expensive.

Does your venue have an outdoor area that the ceremony could be held?

Klyn1983

We know we don't want to do an outdoor ceremony, both of us agreed early on that it wasn't an option. I'm pretty clumsy too so that was a deciding factor. Plus, Michigan weather is so unpredictable we don't want to risk it.

Sadly the venue recently permanently closed a little chapel that was next door-not sure why. 

I've been talking to a few local churches today and the majority seem pretty reasonable and open to marrying non-members (and not forcing us to live apart and decide if the dress is appropriate or not) 

*I'm not putting my bridal party in skanky dresses, but I don't think they should have to have high necklines/tea-length dresses either. That church literally wanted it covered up to the neck. Zero cleavage on any of us and no knees showing. 

ashlidie

I know churches are quite strict, but there are several that do not have this issue.  I have been to weddings (I am catholic) where the bride and bridesmaids wore strapless tops and the maids dresses were knee length.  Actually, it seems as though my church is the only one that seems to have a "dress code."  I sent them a picture of my dress and they approved because their only rule is that nothing is to be "off the shoulder."  I have a keyhole back so the front looks like capped sleeves, they said nothing about open backs in their little booklet.

Now my maids will probably get strapless and I will likely get them all boleros to wear in the church.  This is a great option because you can wear whatever you want up top but the bolero can cover you up to respect the sanctity of the church.

But like I said, of the like 8 religious weddings I have been to in the last 2 years, none of them had this issue so you should be able to find a place.

sparkles776

i would probably have cried. Our ceremony venue is outside, but I dont hate the rain option, I dont love it as much as the outdoor location, but it is something I could live with. I responded to the other thread on the Detroit Board, good luck finding a church!

emmyroo

Oh no!! That stinks!! Hopefully you aren't out any money by booking that place already. And I agree with others that the church you mentioned is definitely an outlier. In general, evangelical churches tend to be more traditional and conservative than others. You should have no problem finding a church that works with you. The only thing you may run into is that a church may charge you more for the ceremony space if you aren't a member. Good luck!!

Klyn1983

Well, instead of just looking for a different ceremony location we have decided to change venues completely. Tuesday we have appointments to go look at other halls. In the end it will be a smart decision. We can save more money and spend it remodeling our house.  

AmandaLeigh1014

Oh no!! I AM SOO SOOO SORRY to hear this! I can only imagine how mortified you must have been! I hope your new venue search goes well for you!! Good luck! Keep us posted!

steph4nu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_major-setback-stressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:306de49a-959c-4ac5-8060-821ff0d98d04Post:2252f1ee-9b53-4df2-bd8a-c93e7b8cf827">Re: MAJOR setback. ::stressed!!::</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, instead of just looking for a different ceremony location we have decided to change venues completely. Tuesday we have appointments to go look at other halls. In the end it will be a smart decision. We can save more money and spend it remodeling our house. :) 
Posted by Klyn1983[/QUOTE]

I'm glad you were able to make the decision to change venues.  I know how difficult that can be!