Etiquette questions...

ginabina1440

My best friend of over 20 years got married in 2010. I was her MOH along with 8 other bridesmaids. To try and even out the mix her now-husband added a few more guys to his groomsmen lineup.. one of which happened to be my fiancee..

Now, she is still my best friend, always will be. She is my matron of honor (my younger sister will be my maid of honor)... but I was wondering if we had to ask her husband to be a groomsmen. That is question 1.

Our wedding will be small, very low budget. A lot of people on this board have like 10 to 15k more to spend than I do (you lucky girls!!! ;] ). When I told her we were starting to plan the wedding she said that her husband can DJ, and he has his own company in Massachusetts, which he is building bigger and bigger every year.

At first I wasn't too keen on the idea because I would want him to be a guest and enjoy himself... they both mean a lot to me and have been great friends to me for a very long time. But the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of a DJ who knows me very personally, and honestly really cares. PLUS, I'm not sure if he has done many weddings and I know it would be good to add to his resume!

Is it not a good idea to have him DJ, even if they offered? I know if he was a groomsmen, he couldn't possibly be the DJ and a groomsmen, so it would have to be one or the other.

Any advice is greatly appreciated and I thank you in advance


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Gina

cnf2013

It could be a nice thing, having someone personal do that for you. I'd be leary though. I know he's probably a professional, but I'd still but unsure about whether or not he'd feel left out or get distracted or want to dance with his wife. The other boards strongly caution against family and friends as vendors and they all have some horror stories to back it up. Think it over thoroughly before you make a decision. I'd say have a very frank and detsiled discussion with him too, not just his wife who is your friend. 

We went with a more expensive DJ even though there were less expensive ones with great reviews. A great DJ will make or break the reception and we saw first hand how it really killed our friends reception to have bad DJ. We felt strongly that this was one place we wanted to spend a little more to get exactly what we wanted. 

rmp4996

As far has having to put him in the wedding party, I say no. It's not a tit for tat thing. You put people in your wedding party that you want to be there and that you want to surround yourself with. If your FI doesn't really want him to be in the wedding party, he doesn't have to be.

I too think it would be nice to have him DJ, and it would save you money, but I was going to say the same thing as PP. You need to have a serious talk with him 1st, and see if you can get a sense of how he sees it going- is he going to keep it 100% professional and not be a guest at all (and if so, is he ok with that) or is he going to play music but still dance with his wife, mingle, drink, etc. Those are important questions to discuss before making a choice.

bar10521

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_etiquette-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:71debef9-4a9d-483f-bee5-f97ba317e1c4Post:11537e95-bee4-464e-aa00-9db0b85a5df3">Re: Etiquette questions...</a>:
[QUOTE]As far has having to put him in the wedding party, I say no. It's not a tit for tat thing. You put people in your wedding party that you want to be there and that you want to surround yourself with. If your FI doesn't really want him to be in the wedding party, he doesn't have to be. I too think it would be nice to have him DJ, and it would save you money, but I was going to say the same thing as PP. You need to have a serious talk with him 1st, and see if you can get a sense of how he sees it going- is he going to keep it 100% professional and not be a guest at all (and if so, is he ok with that) or is he going to play music but still dance with his wife, mingle, drink, etc. Those are important questions to discuss before making a choice.
Posted by rmp4996[/QUOTE]

<div>I second all of this. Just because your FI was in their wedding doesn't mean he has to be in your wedding. And I think all of the DJ advice is great advice. </div>

ashlidie

I think there is no issue with him being your DJ.  I also don't think you are obligated to have him in the bridal party, like PPs have said.

BUT the point I want to make is that I hope HE is on board with this.  Your friend sounds like she sort of offered his services for you.  I would say sit him down individually and ask him what HE wants to do, whether he would want to DJ or enjoy himself at the wedding and dance with his wife.  He can give you a straight answer without feeling any pressure your friend may be giving him.  If he says he would be happy to, then I see no issues whatsoever, he knows what he is doing (he's an adult after all, well, Im assuming haha).  

I don't really think "etiquette" plays a role when all parties involved are very content with the outcome (ie. cash bars in circles where it is entirely acceptable and common)

belle7fl

I agree with PP's, he doesn't need to be in your wedding party. I was actually in a similar situation with the DJ. Two good friends of mine have their own company and they were definitely my number one choice because they know me so well and I know they would do a great job. I already had kinda made up my mind that I would rather have them as guests but I still gave them the choice. We decided it was better to have them as guests and they would help me out by keeping an eye on the DJ to make sure things run smoothly. I would just talk to him directly like PP's said and make sure he wants to make that commitment.

ginabina1440

thank you all   It's really nice to hear different unbiased opinions on this stuff!! we are all going away for a mini vacation the first weekend of august so I will talk to him then