June 2013 Weddings
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Dress buying woes

Okayyy, some of you caught my whining on the AW post from earlier. I went to two dress shops on Saturday. Mom loved a dress from the first shop. I liked it but was a bit leary of the trumpet waist. 

The second store has the dress I have been dreaming about for seven months since I saw it at a bridal expo. I LOVED it. Everyone with me loved it. I was ready to walk out in it. Mom checked the price when I took it off... $700 over budget. I tried on a few more, then put my dream dress back on. Mom loved it the first time, but this time she tore it apart. So I took it off and when the consultant asked if I'd like ther to pull more dresses I said no because I wanted to leave since I was upset.

I went back to my parents house to wait for my dad to come home. I'm a huge daddy's girl and with enough doe eyes I can usually get anything I want out of my dad. But he just kept saying we had a budget to stick to and wouldn't look at me because he never tells me no (I'm pretty spoiled, I admit it). He never said no actually, just that there's a budget and if we go over once what's to say we won't do it again. I immediatly started crying and headed back home. Fi noticed right away I had been crying. I told him the dress I loved was too expensive and that I couldn't get it. He asked ahow much over and when I told him he was like "that's not expensive, we'll just pay the difference". 

I spoke with my mom a few times today. I had called the store to ask about any wiggle room, but Maggie dresses are on price lock down and I already knew that before I called. They offered me the sample for 20% off but that still left it $400 over budget. At first my mom was annoyed that FI and I were opting to cover the difference out of the lump sum his mom gave us. But the second time we spoke she said it wasn't a big deal and was happier for me. Regardless though, I called the shop back to make a second appointment to retry on dresses. I asked they pul dream dress again and then after that I'm leaving it up to the consultant. It'll be just my mom and I going on Friday the 27th. I have the make a decision then because I was told Maggie dresses do take the full 8 months to come in and I'll need time for alterations. I really hope I love the dress the second time and that seeing a few more options will help my mother come back around. I'm scared that if I don't buy this dress I'll be that girl who goes to 100 different stores and tries on 300 dresses and ends up settling because I run out of time. I don't want that.

Anyone else not buy a dress yet that's gone shopping? So many of you post your dresses and make it seem like it was so easy to find the one. I'm a little disheartened.  
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Re: Dress buying woes

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    I don't have much to add that Mrs.K didn't already say except for ((HUGS))
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    edited July 2012
    I've been shopping and I haven't bought my dress yet. I'm really scared I won't find "the one"! I have an appointment on the 7th but I want to go before then since my mom is only here until August 14th. I need to make a decision soon. At least you found something you love. I was saying that I need to find a dress and he told me to just get one, like it's that easy. I also am in love with a Maggie dress but I've never tried it on. I'm not sure if I want to tell my consultant which dresses I like or just let her pick. The whole dress shopping thing makes me nervous. It is nice that your FI wants to pay the difference and give you your dream dress. :) I'm sure everything will work out for the best.
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    I am the girl who tried on 100 dresses... and it sounds like the road you're headed down. I knew what I liked, but could not find it in my budget. I went over budget and am VERY happy with that decision. Otherwise I'd be walking down the aisle thinking about another dress.

    My theory is that you can always save up for a house, appliances, furniture, etc. But you can never go back and save up for your wedding once it's passed.

    It sounds like you LOVE your dress and I say go for it! Giving it a couple weeks is a good idea though. If you have a chance, hit a salon or two BY YOURSELF in the meantime to try more styles before returning to your dress, it will help you know if it's the one!

    Just a side note: I'm paying for the entire wedding by myself (aside from FI attire and rings). So, it does sound a bit spoiled to be begging people to pay for the difference. I would say that if you really want it, you should pay the difference... not your dad or FI. It will help you to decide if the gown is worth going over the budget if it's coming from your pocket.
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    I think TK's dress search tool, as MrsK said, is a good idea. It's a easy way to find dresses of certain styles that stay within your budget. 

    I think it is really nice that your FI wants you to have your dream dress. I really hope that everything falls into place for you and that you are able to purchase your dream dress. Keep us updated on how everything goes and try to stay positive. :)
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    cnf, I tried on approx. 30 and went to 3 different stores.  I had a budget in mind but it was high enough that even I didn't feel comfortable spending that much.  I actually ended up $900 under budget, and then my mom pleasantly surpised me by paying for it (otherwise, my FI and I are covering the entire wedding)--trying them on I just assumed it was going on my cc.

    For me, this was how the thought process was: a) I wanted straps, b) really wanted lace.  Other than that, I really didn't have a clue. I tried on alot of strapless too just to be sure that's what I didn't want (I didn't rule it out because there are SO many strapless).  I also tried on quite a few full lace dresses but being so little, it just didn't suit.  This dress just suited me, I don't really know how to describe it...but there were no tears, just a smilling bride to be. :)

    Good luck!!
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    I did offer to pay the difference but both my parents said no. My lease on my car is just about up and I need a down payment for a new one, so I've been saving for that and would have to draw from that to cover the difference, which is fine by me, but my parents gave me a hard time. School taxes are also due in two months and we don't escrow our taxes (stupid). The money FI offered up is just money out of a lump sum his mom gave to both of us to put towards anything wedding related. During this conversation with my parents my mom started writing me a check to pay me back for the $80 I spent on silk BM bouquets that I had told her not to bother with a month ago when I bought them. She fought me on this, but I won. I paid for them a month ago and it's only $80. I'd rather she up my dress budget $80, haha. 

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    SB1512SB1512 member
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    edited July 2012
    If your parents think $700 is to much for you to contribute, would you be willing to settle for the sample so it's only $400 over budget? And then perhaps reduce the budget elsewhere in the wedding so either the dress can be fully covered by your parents or so you wouldn't have to foot the entire $400?  I agree that you should not settle.  I've seen a ton of threads about brides who ended up with dress regret and unless you get a divorce, you'll never be in a gown again so you should find something you are happy with.  Also I know you said you went to two bridal shops, would you consider going to a third?  I went to three shops.  Two of the shops had a lot of overlap in designers, and the third carried designers that the other two did not, so I got to try on completely different looking dresses and ultimately found the one I wanted.  Also is the dress you are looking at a brand new design, or is the line a year or two old?  Would you be opposed to getting that dress pre-owned if possible, it might be less expensive?  And even though your mother is paying for the dress, try not to let her opinion influence you too much.  Did your mom tear the dress apart is because she doesn't want to go over the budget and was trying to discourage you from that dress being the one? 
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    ems27ems27 member
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    I hope your next trip to the shop goes well, cnf- sounds like it might be coming around to work out in your favor!  It's awesome that you actually have the money from FI's mother in an account already to be able to use it.

    Be careful when you go back about accessories- not sure if you're getting a veil, etc, but I would check the price of anything before you let them put it on you.  If you're going over budget with the dress, you don't want the accessories to be expensive too!

    I happened to be very lucky with my dress, as it is relatively inexpensive (Alfred Angelo).  I knew before I got engaged what line I would be buying from, which is his DIsney Princess one, and I actually didn't like the pricier dresses as much.  I just set my dress budget to fit the dress I figured I'd end up with ;-)
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    Don't get discouraged!! It does sound like your mom was nit-picking at the dress to try and change your mind about it. It sounds like you really love that dress. I know for myself, once I'm set on something, it's hard for me to settle for something less, and it sounds like it's the same for you and the dress. If you can work it into your budget (and it sounds like you can, with the $$ from your fiance's mom), then I say go for it. Hopefully your mom will be more receptive to it on the 27th, since you now have a backup plan for paying for the additional $700. Good luck!!
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    I don't have much to add to all the advice above, I hope everything goes well on the 27th! And I think mrsK's suggestion to look into the trunk shows is a very good one.
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    Yes, trunk show! It's from the spring 2012 line, so there are';t any used ones out on the used websites yet, I checked. I would buy the sample, it wouldn't bother me. It's the right size anyways. The store the dress is in is he largest in Syracuse. They have a two story facility and like Kleinfelds they have stock hanging from the ceiling. They carry like 13 or 14 diffrent designers. I just only tried on 5 dresses. I declined trying on more because I was frustrated, my mom was grumpy and my FMIL looked bored and tired since we'd been out all day. 

    I already found a veil I like on etsy for like $30 and I'll buy accesories online too. I won't buy from a boutique, too expensive. But that'll all be out of my pocket regardless. 
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    About trunk shows, anyone ever shopped at one? The boutique with my dream dress is having a Maggie trunk show in the beginning of October. That would put eight months at May, which is cutting it way close since I'm June 1st. Plus Sj mentioned on the other dress thread that Maggie and other China based stores close for a month for Chinese New Years, which would effect my shipping timeline. What's the typical percentage off? I don't even know. I guess I could call. They're probably so sick of me by now. I've called like three times since I was there Saturday, lol. 
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    SB1512SB1512 member
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    Hmmm.  Do you have any idea your mom's current take on the over budget dream dress?  I only ask because you said when you called the store and told them to repull your dream dress and then whatever else the consultant wanted.  Perhaps, have a frank conversation with your mom about the over budget dress.  If it really seems like she isn't going to go for you using either your own money or the money from FMIL, I would suggest trying on all the dresses the consultant pulls first, and your dream dress last.  I only say this because if you put it on first and you still love it, it will be hard and probably pointless to try on the other dresses.  But, since you only tried on 5 last time from what sounds like a fairly large store, there may be something the consultant pulls that you like just as much or better, and that fits the budget.  If you save the dream dress for last, you may be able to try on all the others with a more open mind.
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    cnf2013cnf2013 member
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    edited July 2012
    My mother is fine with us using the money from FMIL. She didn't want me specifically to use my money for it as it would have come out of the money for my car down payment I'm saving for. Plus our school taxes, home owners insurances, pups insurance are all due in the next month or two, so we'll be living a bit frugally for a few months. We spoke a number of times yesterday. The first time she was resistant because she wanted me to call and find out about price wiggle room and was annoyed the only way was through purchasing the sample which was still over budget. She called me back like ten minutes later, calmly, and said that if we wanted to use that money that it was okay as long as we wouldn't be over stretching the funds. She is just concerned about us using money in places it could be better served. We haven't decided where all that money is going at this point, so to throw a small portion of it at my dress would not a problem. 

    I will save that dress for last. No need to taint my vision off the bat. That was my intention anyways.
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    ems27ems27 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_dress-buying-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:8e456b57-b08c-458f-b328-ce6d361dc9a3Post:b20dd595-ec2c-4b6a-895b-8d2237027ab8">Re: Dress buying woes</a>:
    [QUOTE] I will save that dress for last. No need to taint my vision off the bat. That was my intention anyways.
    Posted by cnf2013[/QUOTE]

    Sounds like a great plan!

    Plus, if you wanted to have some fun trying on other styles you know you won't get as well as other possible contenders, anyone who goes with you will be bored with any extras once you have tried on the top contender. (happened to me at the first of two stores I went to- found the dress I would probably get from there and then a mermaid for fun, and my sister and mom were pretty disinterested)
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    It's just my mom and me going this time. She won't get bored. She loves this kind of stuff. She got grumpy last time because she knew I wanted dream dress and that it was over budget. Other styles for funsies might be a good idea too. The runner up dress for me that I tried on at the other store was a trumpet style dress. I was really surprised that I liked it so much since I'm very self conscious of my bottom heaviness and wasn't thinking anything that hit below the hips would flatter me. I wish the store that had dream dress that Im going back to carried that other dress, but it's a private label. 
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    I thought I loved the dress I chose on my first outing with my mom, but I couldn't commit. I made it my final stop on the dress shopping trip with my girls and moms. I put on the dress and instantly was told the same thing I was worried about..that I was lost in the dress. So my fab consultant pulled a dress that just came in on Tuesday (it was a Saturday) and it was the dress I chose. It was dropped,but it still had some poof to it on the bottom and the one shoulder beaded was enough to sell me that it was unique. I cannot wait to put the rest of the money down so it's ordered and I'm closer to trying on *my* dress. I know that's when I'll cry in the dress. Lol.

    I agree with your idea to leave the favorite dress last. Then you won't be comparing everything else to it the whole time.
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    Didn't intend to sound rude in my comment, but rereading it, the last part sounds a little harsh. What I mean to say is that if you are paying the difference, you will be the one making the call and not feel guilty for having others pay. That's very nice that both sides of your family can contribute.
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