awkward situation

lexi913

Hi Ladies, I need to vent and could use some advice as well.  Our wedding is 3 months from Friday, we are sending invitations out this month, about 7 months ago we sent out save the dates.  My Future MIL recently asked if she could add another 10 people (another table)  I told her I was unsure and I would have to check with my parents (they are paying for the entire wedding)..my parents said they would have to crunch some numbers and go through the guest list again...my MIl brought it up AGAIN the other night and said that she really wants these people there and that she would rather pay for their table then not invite them if it wasnt in the budget...while that is a very generous offer, it puts my parents in an awkward spot... my mom feels like it is cheap and bad etiquette to ask her to pay but at the same time it's adding another unexpected $2000 to the total cost only 3 months before the big day...I just wish she had put these people on her list originally 7 months ago so that we could have made our lists accordingly.....sorry just wanted to vent!

KaySea6213

I think you're right to feel frustrated. But if you MIL feels that these people really need an invite, and she has made the offer to pay, you parents should let her.

lovefuzzies

I say if they're that important to her and she's willing, let her pay.  It takes monetary pressure off your parents and FMIL gets to be happy.  As for your mother feeling cheap I would just reassure her that it doesn't need to be made common knowledge that FILs pitched in because really, in the long run, no one cares who pays.  People come for the celebration.

erinlin25

We just had the same thing happen.  My FI talked to his mom and sister (they were adding 3 families to our guest list, adding 8 more people).  We gave them the guest list back in Novemebr and said to let us know if we missed anybody they would like to add.  Never gave additions, nor she did give me addresses for her out of state family.  I finally gave her a march 1 st deadline to get the out of state addresses, and all of a sudden she is saying we need to add these other people because her out of state people "most likely" will not come.  FI talked to them, filled them in on how much it was per person, and how if they mentioned these people in November when we originally asked it could have been accomodated and worked into the budget, but at this point he is now not comfortable telling my dad BTW we need to add 2k to the bill.  His mom was bummed, but understood.

In your case, if she offered to pay, I would take her up on the offer.  Weddings may have been traditionally "the brides family pays,"  but more often that is not the case, and your dad should not feel bad.  I'm sure if my MIL offered to foot the bill for those guests he would be fine adding them in that situation.  Its not like he "can't,"  its more of the 3 month point and the whole wedding budget has been planned.  1-2 additions is doable, but 8+ it a lot to ask this late in the game.   

emilyb213

If she is offering to cover the cost for her additional guests, and you have the space to accomodate them, then I'd say let her invite them. I'd have your fiance make it clear to her that the money is needed in hand by X date, so that you don't get stuck with the bill.

sparkles776

Completely agree with Emily. My FMIL insisted on inviting distant relatives and all their neighbors, so she is footing the bill for them. If you have the space let her pay, but I wouldnt go letting your venue know about the additional people until the money is in hand.

jeff0908

I kind of agree with the others but if these guests are really that important then why did she wait so long to add them.  In the end it is up to you and your fiance, and if you guys do not feel comfortable I would just say no that it is just too late.  Congratulations and Good Luck

Meghannsix

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_awkward-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:b54cdd1c-3abf-4008-82fe-2dc94df7baaePost:1fc17b4d-3fad-4268-96fa-5bb74d474b5a">Re: awkward situation</a>:
[QUOTE]If she is offering to cover the cost for her additional guests, and you have the space to accomodate them, then I'd say let her invite them. I'd have your fiance make it clear to her that the money is needed in hand by X date, so that you don't get stuck with the bill.
Posted by emilyb213[/QUOTE]

This.  If these guests are so important to her, let her put her money where her mouth is (though I probably wouldn't phrase it exactly like this!)  Those extra guests are adding significant cost!

Sjmiller418

if shes willing to pay I'd let her invite them rather then make it into a possible fight. I would though make sure to get the money from FMIL though to pay towards something now before sending the invites because I've heard plenty of stories of people saying theyll pay for something and then backing out at the last minute

montanabounding

Don't forget to account for added costs beyond head costs. If you need extra centerpieces, extra favors, added costs for liquor, cake, etc.