Officiant

KplusA

So it's time to book an officiant for our wedding!  My family is christian and Andrew's is jewish, and we're not close enough to any pastors or rabbis to use those to marry us.  I'm a little frustrated about the high prices in Philly, but I guess there's no other option!  We found two we like, but they both charge an extra $100 to come to the rehearsal.  One of the officiants told me that she doesn't really need to come to the rehearsal, so having her there is really optional.  I'm just wondering if you ladies are having a rehearsal, and who will be attending your rehearsal?  If my officiant doesn't come, who will help us walk through the ceremony?  I'd love to save $100, but not if it means that our wedding will be a confusing mess!

sfischer87

What's the point of even having a rehearsal is the officiant isn't there...?

Does it cost anything in your area to become ordained? You could ask a close friend or family member to do it for you instead. I doubt they would charge you to go to your rehearsal!

bar10521

Our officiant charges $25 for teh rehearsal which is not nearly as bad as the $100 yours charges. He will definitely be at our rehearsal along with the wedding party and our parents. If you chose not to have her go if you have a coordinator at the venue or a DOC they could run through everything. At my friend's rehearsal it was mostly her coordinator running the show, telling everyone where to stand and the such. The officiant ran through the set up of the ceremony and when everything would take place. 

sfischer has a good idea of asking someone you know to be ordained and do it. If you do that you could always pay the fees for them along with getting them a nice gift rather than paying them. 

sopraffina

Our venue's coordinator is handling the rehearsal. My family is atheist with some Christians, and my fiance's family is Jewish. Our officiant is a secular humanist rabbi. She told us that she doesn't normally go to the rehearsal, and she's been doing this since 1985. She's helping us to write the entire ceremony months in advance. 

As long as you've discussed what you want ahead of time, there should be no need for her to be there.

anastassiiat

We don't have our officiant yet, but I'm assuming we'd want him/her at our rehearsal. Our ceremony and reception are at the same place though, and we will definitely have our day of coordinator there with us during the rehearsal as well.

And I also like Sfischer's idea about getting a family member to officiate.

JennLax

Our officiant charges $150 for the rehearsal (that's the going-rate up here), so we're not doing one.  I figure my friends know how to walk down an aisle and stand in a line LoL   My best friend didn't do a rehearsal for her wedding last year all everything went well.  She just told us what order to enter and where to stand.  She also sent out a copy of the ceremony "script," so we had an idea of the length.  I think it also helps that we both have non-demoninational ceremonies, so it's a lot more simple than say a Catholic mass where there's standing and sitting and kneeling, and lots of other traditions to include.

ETA: For my BFF's wedding, about 10-15 minutes before the ceremony, the officiant popped by to confirmed with us where to stand and tell us how to hold our bouquets, etc.  I assume he made a similar visit to the boys.  It worked out fine!  

Miss Esa

My SO and I asked a close friend to be the officiant for out wedding. It didn't cost him a dime to become ordained.

KplusA

Thanks for your advice!  Unfortunately, when I looked into having someone ordained in PA, I found out that Pennsylvania is one of only 3 states that does not allow people ordained who don't have a congregation to officiate weddings!  There's only 1 county in PA that will allow it, but of course we're not getting married there.  This means that my cousin could get ordained, but he couldn't officiate my wedding because he doesn't have a congregation.  There have been court cases on it and it sounds really intense.  I'm now wondering how the officiants I'm looking at can legally marry us?  I'll have to ask them a lot of questions when we meet them!

I also found out that in PA I can apply for a self-uniting license.  It's a Quaker tradition because Quakers don't have anyone leading their religious services, so when two members of the church got married they just did it themselves in front of witnesses in the church (I apologize if I'm getting the facts wrong, this is just what I've read online).  I've been looking into it a little bit, and it looks like we can easily get a self-uniting license when we apply for our marriage license even though we're not Quakers, and it actually seems like a lot of people do it.  The only rule is that we have to say "I take you as my husband/wife" at some point during our ceremony in front of at least 2 witnesses.  Apparently we can then have anyone we want "officiate" the ceremony (like reading the vows), and it will be legal.  Has anyone from PA ever heard of anyone doing this?  I'll probably call my county offices to double check, but it sounds legit and there have been court cases to prove that it is legal!  I wish it wasn't so complicated to get married!

Here's one link I found about it:  http://www.weddingbee.com/2012/03/08/self-uniting-weddings/?comment-page=1#comments

iloveu4ever

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_officiant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:bfdf6fd0-cef4-448b-97a1-66f9c12f9035Post:1970b62c-a7a8-4fc0-8a93-dd98408b0d37">Re: Officiant</a>:
[QUOTE]We don't have our officiant yet, but I'm assuming we'd want him/her at our rehearsal. Our ceremony and reception are at the same place though, and we will definitely have our day of coordinator there with us during the rehearsal as well. And I also like Sfischer's idea about getting a family member to officiate.
Posted by anastassiiat[/QUOTE]

I agree.

cnf2013

I guess I just assumed officiants went to rehersals because I assumed they did the ceremony walk through.... Hmm.

FI's cousin is an ordained pastor and will be officiating for us, so we won't be charged anything extra since he'll alreayd be in town for the weekend anyways. So I don't know. Sorry for the useless comment. 

iloveu4ever

That is what I am kinda in the same boat. I am debating if the extra money for  rehearsal.