NWR: Ugh, need to vent....

belle7fl

My FI is being so annoying lately! He is always such a positive person but lately he's constantly commenting how he hates his life and how life sucks. It really bothers me 1) because I've suffered from depression pretty much my whole life so it scares me a little when he talks like that and 2) because it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong since I'm a huge part of his "life". I know he's been really bummed out since he hurt his back and had a crappy season throwing which led to not competing in the Olympic tryouts. I've tried talking to him and being supportive and I've been cutting him a lot of slack when he gets snappy with me (which usually doesn't happen, we hardly ever argue) but its frustrating that I can't do anything and just have to sit by and watch. Along with this whole life sucks thing, he now hates his job which he's been doing since he got out of college. I can understand being bored at work but he makes really really good money(pretty much doubles my salary) plus bonuses, has a company car and cell phone! I know a lot of people that would kill for his life. Now on top of all that he doesn't want to do any wedding planning. He wants me to sit down with his mom to go over the guest list and is constantly teasing me that he's not going to help pay for the wedding and won't talk about the budget. He's also changed his mind about having kids, he still wants them but not until after the Olympics in 2016, that will make me 38! I really don't want to wait that long for medical reasons and I don't want to be too old to enjoy them. My sister is 42 with a 3 year old and I see how tired she is all the time. I always said I would never get in the way of his goals but I think we can handle having a baby while he's training, we have a lot of family and I know they would help if we needed it.


Since we got home he's been working on getting his back better and he's feeling better, he also went on an interview for a new company, doing almost the same thing he's doing now but for more money which I don't think is going to help much but if that's what he wants then that's fine with me. Since we left for Oregon all he wants to do is drink which makes him think more about his life sucking more. I know its just a phase and I just have to wait it out but it's so frustrating to listen to him talk and act like this because he has been given so many opportunities in life and used every one to his advantage. He really doesn't know how it feels to struggle and have life really suck. I wish he would just snap out of it and focus on the good things in his life.

Sorry it's so long but I don't really have any one else to vent to and you all are always so supportive.

Mikesgal419

I'm so sorry that your FI is in a slump. Hopefully he will snap out of it soon.
And vent away, we all have times we need to get it out.

cnf2013

I'm sorry he's feeling so down. I went through that this past winter and having had depression in the past it did scare me to feel that way. I started a new job though and it helped me out. Maybe the change in scenery, even though it's a similar job, will help your FI feel better.

Keep your chin up!

rmp4996

I'm sorry about all that. My FI goes through slumps sometimes too, and he tends to turn to drinking as well when he is having a bad week/day/month whatever. But the drinking makes it worse most of the time, and I finally called him on it, showing him how he acted when drinking while upset, and he snapped out of it for the most part. What helps for us is letting him have some of that "me time." Like, even if I am off from work and we could do something together, I will encourage him to make plans with his friends who are also off (only sometimes though, lol) and spend the day doing what they like- hanging out in the back yard, having some beers, bbqing, etc. He has a really stressful job, esp in the summer, and having a day to just do whatever really helps ease that stress and that hatred of his job. I also really try to talk to him about it, but only sometimes does he like to express what he is feeling. 

My FI, though I wasn't with him then but I've heard from friends and family, went through somehing similar when he was in a very serious car accident and hurt his back. He had an amazing college football career and was scheduled for tryouts for a minor league football team that could've eventually led to the NFL. He hurt his back and couldn't do the tryouts, therefore smashing his dreams of ever playing in the NFL which I honestly believe he had a shot at. (I always told him we would've never met though, so it's ok, lol). Your FI is just feeling down beause a major dream/goal of his is being put on hold. Try mentioning how lucky he is that he has another set of olympics he can try out for, the dream isn't gone. He now has 4 years to get even better. I think once he snaps out of this and gets back into training mode and focusing on the next olympics, he'll feel better. Maybe once the olympics this year are over. Hang in there, be supportive, and don't take too much of what he says seriously. When he starts to feel better, talk again about the kids, I bet he will change his mind. He is just focusing on his misstep with this olympics, so he is viewing everything as something that will get in the way. Hope it gets better

ashlidie

My goodness Im so sorry.  I bet it is frustrating, you love him and well, it hurts you to see him hurting.  All I can offer is some hugs and good thoughts your way... But I do believe he may be able to work it out by changing jobs.  My FI was never depressed per say but he really didnt like his job.  Ever since he got a new job, I have never seen him so happy, like in all aspects of his life its wonderful.  I hope it will have the effect for your FI

anastassiiat

I am sorry that your FI is having a hard time with the job and his back injury. I agree with rmp, I think it might get better on him when the Olympics are over this year, that way he doesn't have a constant reminder on TV and on the news that that's something he could have been doing if it weren't for the injury.

My FI has bad days/weeks sometimes, he is in school full time getting his BA and in the mean time he's working as a bus driver since it has a schedule that lets him take his classes in the mornings, so when he is busy with school he gets stressed out, and being at a job where a lot of people are not quite friendly to you adds up to the stress. I just try to stay by his side and not take it personally when he gets snappy.

Good luck to your FI with his job search, I hope the change of place helps him to feel better!!!