Feeling a bit weird...

russ0002

So maybe you can all make me feel better. I am getting antsy answering questions from people. My BF and I have known each other for 5 years, and have been living together for 6 months. I know he will be asking the big ? soon, but wants it to be super special. We have started planning the wedding because we are paying for the majority of it ourselves, I will probably be relocated halfway across the country this summer, and I wanted to have my pick of vendors. I am starting to feel icky when people give me a weird look that we are planning, but I am not "officially" engaged yet. My mom actually refers to him as my FI already. Am I being too sensitive? I couldn't imagine trying to plan a wedding here when living states away, so I am trying to make my life easier. I am also kinda OCD and type A personality. I would go nuts wihtout enough time to plan... Just trying to feel better about what we're doing.

sfischer87

FI and I have been together for 7 years, living together for 3 years, and just got engaged on new year's eve!  Needless to say this is a wedding our friends and family have been anticipating for quite some time!  I had thought about our wedding before but never really planned anything out... but in your situation I can definitely see why you would want to!  Don't worry about what people think and whether or not you're "officially" engaged.  We picked my ring out 2 years ago so I knew the big question was coming also... FI just needed to save up some $ and he also wanted it to be special.  We also both agreed that we both wanted to be at a good place in our life (stable jobs, good $ coming in, almost done with school, etc), and now that it's here we couldn't be happier and our family and friends are SO excited!  Trust me, everything changes once you have that ring on your finger!  And it sounds like it's coming soon for you so hang in there!  And again, don't worry about what people say or think!  You're situation gives you the right to start thinking and planning now, and if someone has a problem with that, just tell them you are doing what you think is best for the two of you!  Best of luck with the planning!

bananas1309

Maybe you should just make the engagement official...? You could wait for an elaborate proposal, but if you're already planning a wedding, it seems like you should just be engaged... lol. I have a friend who got engaged last July, but her fiance waited to give her a ring until he could afford a really nice one (5 months later). He can still "propose" at a later time, if that's what you're waiting for.

lodonnell616

I agree w/Bananas.

Also, when you're not actually engaged a vendor may feel worried that you are not actually going to get married, thus they will  not end up making any money from you.  So, I can totally see why people would be skeptical.  That said, you can definitely be engaged without a ring.  I was (even though it was only for about 5 days).

Plus, don't worry about planning from a couple of states away...I'm planning a Boston wedding from Germany, its totally doable.

ashlidie

Being engaged has nothing to do with a ring.  I don't think you should worry too much if you are both actively involved in wedding planning, then obviously he is on board and is just waiting for the right moment.  Make sure you talk it over with him first but I think you should go ahead and start looking at vendors, June is incredibly popular and you don't want to wait on when it's your man's time, but you can't force his hand either.

But I must emphasize, make sure he is 100% crystal clear, discuss the date and the budget and what not and be sure he is cool with going ahead with the planning, and seriously going to look at venues and such.  I think it is fair to do at least the venue(s) while you can, have time before they book up, and are in the same state lol.

Meghannsix

So, you're planning a wedding?  Both of you together?  I think you're already engaged!  Seriously, just do it already, what is he waiting for?  The special-ness/sapiness/romantic-ness of the proposal will have no bearing on the sucess of your marriage, I think he's putting to much pressure on himself to do something spectacular.

sparkles776

I can only speak for myself: I would never plan a wedding without being engaged first. Whether you are on the same page or not, I would be skeptical to plan a wedding with someone who hasnt proposed to me yet, regardless of how long you have been together. In my opinion there is no reason to plan a wedding, if your FI hasnt proposed marraige. I think it is perfectly ok to research vendors and get an idea of what you want before you are engaged, but I would feel very strange going to meet with vendors without being engaged. I dont think your being too sensitive, it is a weird situation, so expect weird looks.

KplusA

I was with my boyfriend for over 5 years and we had been living together for 4 years and had been talking about our futures together for the longest time before we were actually engaged.  He would say things like "when we have kids..." and "we should play this song at our wedding" but we weren't engaged.  I know how you feel!  It drove me crazy just waiting for that ring because we were always talking about things as if we were engaged, but then people would remind us that we weren't yet.  I think actually talking to vendors and meeting with them might be a little tough because they might not think that you are serious about booking anything if you don't actually have the ring.  If I were you I might go to websites, email about prices, and do as much as you can from home just until you are engaged.  That way you can immediately start visiting your top choices and it will really help get things done quickly.  I emailed venues for about a month before I started visiting places.  I had to figure out what "theme" I was going for (rustic, elegant, etc.) and then find venues that fit that theme in my budget.  And it seriously took me another month to even narrow down my photographer choices because there are so many in Philly!  You can do a lot online without meeting anyone and revealing that you're not "officially" engaged.  Good luck with everything!  Let us know when you get that ring!