narrowing down guest list quesiton

Samela20

we have been on FI's mom about getting her family/friend guest list to us... well she said it's done... it's over 160 people!!!  We can only have 275 total!!  If we invite her list and my family we'd only get io invite like 10 of our own friends/coworkers!! OH, And that doesn't include his dad's family!!
How in the world do you go about narrowing it down??  My family list includes aunts/uncles, 1st cousins and their kids... her's probably includes her family tree and the mailman, veretinarian, farrier, and the neighbor two houses down the street....
Help!!  lol 

Lnodes

Are your FI's parents contributing financially to the wedding? If so, they have some say as to who they want to invite, but even so there has to be some sort of cut off point. My FI also comes from a big family, but like you we decided the cut off would be aunts/uncles 1st cousins and their kids. That worked out well
Is the 275 the venue's limit or your decision? If it's the venue's limit, I would just explain that to his parents. If it's your decision, I would tell them that you are trying to keep it below 275 between BOTH families, but they can certainly pay for the extra plates if they'd like.... I know always easier said then done lol.  Good luck

lodonnell616

We're paying 100% ourselves, so this is what we are doing:

Immediate families, all of our parents siblings (i.e. aunts & uncles), we did some cherry picking with first cousins.  I'm only having first cousins from my dad's side.  I grew up with them and still see them even though I'm far away, the rest I haven't seen in at least 10 years (some even more).  The rest are our friends from growing up, college, and now.

No kids are invited and so far no one seems to have any objections to that. 

[Deleted User]

I agree that it would definitely depend on who's contributing to paying for the wedding. My dad is paying for the food so if we need to make cuts then it will be FI's extended family from out of state. If it were FI's parents paying for the wedding then it would obviously be my family that would get cut. If you guys are paying for the wedding then I would even it out so that both families have almost the same amount of people so no one's feelings get hurt. This is just what we'd do. I hope this helps! 

Samela20

The limit is up to the venue not us.  it's in a tent and they only allow 275 people.
Our families and us are equally contributing to the wedding... like my parents, and his mom and dad are willing to give us XX amount of money to go towards watever wedding wise.  so no one is speciffically paying for the meal. 

There is one option that his mom quickly suggested-- she said she'd pay for a conference room at the resort (within 100 yards from reception) and have her 4-H girls(teens) watch children there and just have like pizza and games and toys for them.  IF the venue would allow that then we'd get to invite more adults to our meal/reception... does that sound weird? Or too difficult to manage? Obviously we'd have to talk to the venue about being able to do that but I think adults would find it nice to kind of have built-in babysitters. 

What do you think??

lovefuzzies

In theory that sounds like a good plan.  The question is, would your guests feel comfortable having teenagers they don't know watch their kids?

As for cutting the guest list I would say try to keep everything even.  Tell your parents and his that they have X number of people they can invite so that everyone gets to have the people they are closest to at the wedding.  The number could be a division of thirds of the venue limit or you could decide how many people you and FI want to invite and then divide the rest up between your parents.

And someone smack me if that's considered seriously bad etiquette.  I don't know, I was just trying to think up fair ways to make sure everyone got their nearest and dearest there 

anastassiiat

Could you guys not invite kids at all? Or would it cause drama? Honestly if I was in your situation, that's probably the way I'd go.

Julie2013

I think lovefuzzies idea is a good solution. Could you not determine how many guests you can afford then divide the number by three? Your parents get a third, his parents get a third, and you and your FI get a third. I'm not aware if that breaks any "rules" or not, though.

Samela20

I like the idea of getting our list figured out then splitting the rest evenly...

I think kids should be involved.  I have a child and we have friends with children.  I just don't know if i'd feel right not including the kids somehow...  we're going to his mother's tonight to talk about her list and they kids room option.  we'll see how it goes...

alliecakes85

Ah, the guest list.. such a pain in the butt!!!  I had a coworker suggest to me to do this and it worked pretty well.  I knew I didn't want to invite more than 150-160 people so this is what we did:

I told my parents they could invite up to 50 people and let them make their own list...
We told FI's parents they could each invite 25 people (they are divorced so this totaled 50 for his parents as well) and then they each made their own list...
FI & I then invited our own 50 friends...

We are paying for the wedding mostly ourselves with some help from my parents but we also wanted to be fair and keep everyone as happy as possible.  We were a bit lenient with the numbers so in the end we are at 158, but this really helped keep us in the correct guest list range right from the beginning.  I suggest doing somethine like this!

alliecakes85

We also told our parents to put anyone who didn't make the initial cut onto a B list and we would invite them if we got enough "no's".

Julie2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_narrowing-down-guest-list-quesiton?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:ec892476-9008-494c-ba17-d62b9299c75aPost:147bf82e-9bb2-4aaf-81a7-6413484a7f1e">Re: narrowing down guest list quesiton</a>:
[QUOTE]We also told our parents to put anyone who didn't make the initial cut onto a <strong>B list</strong> and we would invite them if we got enough "no's".
Posted by alliecakes85[/QUOTE]

I'm probably one of the last people you should be listening to etiquette advice from since I'm throwing an event that so many TK regulars find tacky (a vow renewal), but thought you might want a heads up. You might want to do a bit of reading over on the Etiquette board about B lists and their pros and cons. Apparently, being on a couple's B list is extremely offensive to some?

[Deleted User]

I have a child myself, but we're not inviting kids...I know what you mean about not having kids feeling weird, but its keeping drama at bay (for now) for my son to be the only child under 16.

SB1512

Julie is right, don't create a b list.  what ends up happening is that most people won't RVSP until the last possible date possible, so you're "b listers" end up getting an invite 3-4 weeks before the wedding and know that they weren't invited initially.  Many people find it very hurtful and insulting to be considered "second best" and not good enough to have made the A list.