Asking your BP

Chels&Jimmy

Ladies, I was wondering how many of you have already asked your BP. I've been reading through posts on the Wedding Party board and the general consensus there is that you do not ask your BP until nine to six months out. Honestly, FI and I were so excited after our engagement that we asked our BP almost immediately! 

ygymnast1

I have already asked all of mine! Hope nothing happens with any of them. I def. wanted to ask my MOH because I needed her to go looking at vendors with me since I live 2 hours away from my parents.

Chels&Jimmy

Yay, I'm glad to find another June 2013-er who has already asked too! My MOH was the first to be asked. We have been best friends for most of our lives - met when I was two and she was three, and grew into besties from there. Promised each other as little girls that we would be each other's MOH's and luckily, we are still close and able to fulfill that role for each other! I was her MOH last March. How many BM's do you have? 

emmyroo

I've already asked my MOH (sister) and one bridesmaid (BFF) and still will be asking FSIL. I think it's wise to wait if you are unsure or if things might change, but for me, I decided almost 2 years ago when we first got engaged that it would just be those three, but waited to ask until we were more actively planning. I was thinking of waiting until the recommended 9 months out, but I was too impatient! Friendships do change though-5 years ago I had a best friend who I would have asked to be my MOH, but we aren't on speaking terms anymore and haven't been for about 3 years.

sparkles776

I have asked no one yet. With that said, I know exactly who I am asking. I did debate between two people for my MOH, I finally made my decision though. Honestly, I just didnt see the point in asking people 1 year and 8 months in advance. I have heard horror stories, so I just wanted to wait until we were a little closer. I am getting all my "will you be my bridesmaid" cards made shortly and will begin to start asking within the next couple months, so they will at least know a little over a year in advance.

milichal

My two besties knew before I got engaged that they were BMs (they actually started listing ideas for shower/bachelorette parties).  I asked my sorority kid last May, along with my cousin, and my one skating student (I've been her coach since she was 10 and her ride to the rink until recently...we're really close).  I had picked an earlier date (6.25.11), but we decided to wait a little longer b/c he was still in grad school. 

Chels&Jimmy

I can definitely see how asking your BP so far out in advance could be risky. Relationships and friendships change all the time! I have seven BM's (which could very soon be nine if I ask my stepsisters and they say yes) and with the exception of one, I have known all of them for at least fifteen years. Now I'm not saying that things couldn't change - but I have managed to weather the storms with these women for most of my adult life (most of my entire life, in fact!) So I feel like it's more likely that I would be adding BP members (i.e. stepsisters) than wanting to delete any. For any of you ladies that have already asked your BP, would you consider adding more BM's in the coming months?

BCV513

I asked everyone already, but the only people in our wedding party are family members. So we're stuck with them!

Klyn1983

I asked mine almost immediately. My MOH and I have been best friends for 16 years and I can't imagine having anyone else. I had 6 people. (MOH, another best friend, my sister, 2 of FI's sisters and one FSIL) 

That said, my sister just asked to step down this week due to financial issues. Part of me was REALLY hurt and upset but another part of me felt relief that it didn't happen a year from now. So now I am thinking long and hard about who I would want in her place. 

I might actually just stay with 5 and have the BP be uneven. I don't want to just pick someone to even out the sides. A lot can change in a year and 4 months though. 

Jaridds68

I picked all of my BM's because they're sisters (3 are mine, 1 is his), and my best friend. I know etiquette dictates you're not supposed to ask so early, but I feel that it's different when it comes to family. I know relationships can change but none of us have the personalities/demeanors to cut any of the others out of their lives, partly bc nobody behaves in a way where that would happen. Now that I've asked I won't be 'adding more', because I don't want anybody to feel like they were a B-string BM. I will, however, be asking two of my friends that I didn't ask to be BM's to be a part of the wedding, by signing the ketubah.

steph4nu

We have already asked our WP - However, that was only because we were getting married in June of 2012.  Recently, we pushed it back to June/July 2013.  We will still have our same wedding party.  If you know you want close family members in your family, I would say it would be fine to ask them.  However, I would wait on asking your friends until it gets closer.  You never know what can happen between now and then.  Even right now, I have one friend who has been acting sketchy recently.

Berry327

I've already asked all of mine, in fact I asked them right after we got engaged! They are all girls that have been in my life for 10+ years, some for 20+ or are family, so I'm not concerned about anything happening with anyone. Two of my girls are getting married before us, and I am in both of their weddings as well.

tinkerbel4321

I already asked my friends to be in my bridal party. I was with you and so excited

KplusA

I already have my whole bridal party!  The second person I called (after my parents) when I got engaged was my best friend of 10 years.  I immediately asked her to be my maid of honor!  We were both crying!  She has already been so helpful in the planning process so I'm really glad I asked!  Then I asked my sister, my future sister in law, my very close friend from college (6 years), my friend from high school (8 years), and my closest sorority sister (4 years).  All of these girls have been with me through crazy times, and have supported me in my relationship with my fiance.  They are all people that I still talk to on a regular basis, even though only one of them lives close by.  Best of all, none of them are catty or shady!  I knew right away that they were the perfect people to ask!  They are all really excited to be in my wedding and offered on their own to help me with all of my DIY projects, so I think I made great choices!

The only thing is that a lot of people think I'm really crazy not to ask my sister to be my maid of honor.  I love her, and actually she helped me pick out my dress last weekend, but she definitely wouldn't be up for the challenge of helping me plan all the details of my wedding.  She also complains about the wedding a lot, and seriously threatened to not be in the wedding if I have the bridesmaids wear yellow, which has been my plan since I was a little girl.  I talked to her about it and she's totally fine with not being the maid of honor, and I think she's actually relieved.  Did anyone else make someone a maid of honor that wasn't their sister?

Liz C16

I asked most of them already. My maid of honor/bff was there when I got engaged and once I was over the shock I asked her right away. I was glad I didn't wait because my FH proposed at my going away party, I moved from Boston to LA and now planning from 3000 miles away is enough to worry about and I am very lucky that my MOH is always willing to help look into things I can't!

ktwed1

Mine was easy and they've already been asked. My daughters are my BM/ MOH. I'm not going to choose who's MOH so they both are.

Jaridds68

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_asking-your-bp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:ef7474cc-2da7-42c4-8988-28afa993430cPost:69e750a1-1f40-4576-9d3b-d7839778331c">Re: Asking your BP</a>:
[QUOTE]I already have my whole bridal party!  The second person I called (after my parents) when I got engaged was my best friend of 10 years.  I immediately asked her to be my maid of honor!  We were both crying!  She has already been so helpful in the planning process so I'm really glad I asked!  Then I asked my sister, my future sister in law, my very close friend from college (6 years), my friend from high school (8 years), and my closest sorority sister (4 years).  All of these girls have been with me through crazy times, and have supported me in my relationship with my fiance.  They are all people that I still talk to on a regular basis, even though only one of them lives close by.  Best of all, none of them are catty or shady!  I knew right away that they were the perfect people to ask!  They are all really excited to be in my wedding and offered on their own to help me with all of my DIY projects, so I think I made great choices! The only thing is that a lot of people think I'm really crazy not to ask my sister to be my maid of honor.  I love her, and actually she helped me pick out my dress last weekend, but <strong>she definitely wouldn't be up for the challenge of helping me plan all the details of my wedding.</strong>  She also complains about the wedding a lot, and seriously threatened to not be in the wedding if I have the bridesmaids wear yellow, which has been my plan since I was a little girl.  I talked to her about it and she's totally fine with not being the maid of honor, and I think she's actually relieved.  Did anyone else make someone a maid of honor that wasn't their sister?
Posted by KplusA[/QUOTE]

<div>Um your FI should be helping you plan, all the MOH/BM's have to do is just buy the dress and show up on time. If ppl volunteer their time, fine, but it really irks me when ppl assume their WP should be helping them just because. I asked one of my sisters to be my MOH but that's because I based the decision on my relationship with her, not her wedding planning skills, if I had done that my day-of-coordinator or my FI would have been my MOH. </div>

sparkles776

Did anyone ask their bridal party in a cute way?  I think I am going to have custom made cards to ask them from etsy, but am looking for ideas too, if I dont find anything else I am going to order the cards next week.

Chels&Jimmy

Well, all of my BM's have been asked now - I have nine! Weeee!!! I did not ask any of them in a "cute" way althought that would have been fun. They all got an email except for my MOH who I asked over the phone when I called her right after FI proposed. She did ask me "don't you want your sister to be your MOH?" and I told her no - my MOH and I had promised each other that we would be each other's MOH since we were kids, my sister was aware of this, and is also in the same situation with her own bestie so we have a mutual understanding about it. 

Klyn1983

Sparkles: I asked most of mine with "with you be my bridesmaid cards" I used a vendor from Etsy (allurements by Rebecca) she was amazing and they looked fabulous. I had the petal-fold cards with ribbon.

ashlidie

Mine is a potentially sticky situation since the girl I want to be my MOH is the girlfriend of my future brother in law.  Her and I have really hit it off since they started dating 2 years ago, she and I discuss all the wedding things and she genuinely enjoys helping me, watched me try on dresses, bridal shows, etc.  I am so excited for when she gets engaged so I can help her (she tells me I need to keep my bridal box for her lol) Essentially she is possibly my future sister in law.  The problem is well... what if they break up lol.  I love her but the future brother in law will actually be fam.

The rest is straightforward, 2 cousins and one very good friend of both mine and my fiances (for like 8-10 years for each of us).  SO I really don't know what Im waiting for but Im just waiting so I am comfortable with who my MOH will be.

KplusA

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_asking-your-bp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:ef7474cc-2da7-42c4-8988-28afa993430cPost:af7b6074-b350-4a15-aa83-4450459a1619">Re: Asking your BP</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking your BP : Um your FI should be helping you plan, all the MOH/BM's have to do is just buy the dress and show up on time. If ppl volunteer their time, fine, but it really irks me when ppl assume their WP should be helping them just because. I asked one of my sisters to be my MOH but that's because I based the decision on my relationship with her, not her wedding planning skills, if I had done that my day-of-coordinator or my FI would have been my MOH. 
Posted by Jaridds68[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yeah I get what you're saying.  I actually told all my girls that they don't need to help with anything since most of them don't live near me, but many said they wanted to help with things which was really nice!  The thing with my sister is that she actually hates talking about weddings and is really big on eloping instead, so she really doesn't want to talk about my wedding at all (which is totally fine with me).  I'm much closer to my MOH than my sister so I think everyone understands why I picked her.  And my fiance doesn't want to be involved in most of the wedding planning, so I've got to have a MOH who at least listens to me talk about it!</div>

blferguson1s

We have already asked as well. FI's sister is my MOH. Two of my fraternity brothers (it's co-ed so we're brothers but all girls) are my other BM's. Our best man is FI's best friend who practically lives at their house and works with him. We've also asked one of his good friends who he's known for I don't even know how long.

Our other groomsman is my brother. We haven't officially asked him yet. He has Asperger's Syndrome so he doesn't react well to change and was actually very upset when he found out about our engagement (which broke my heart). Also, since he's older, he doesn't like that I'm doing things he hasn't done and may never be able to do. We want him to be involved, and he probably will once he has more time to adjust, but we're waiting a while for that. We don't talk about anything wedding related around him yet because it still bothers him. If he ends up not wanting to be in our wedding party, we will ask another one of our very good friends.

With regards to the whole MOH not helping to plan, I was truly surprised by the reactions. My MOH would plan the entire day if I would let her. She wants to help me plan out details and all that. FI will give me his opinion when I ask about different things, but there are a lot of things he wants to leave up to me that she is going to help with. To each her own I suppose.

cassienoel022

All of my girls already know, but I haven't asked them officially yet.  I want to ask them in a cute way  I only have a couple of girls, My sister who is the Matron of Honor, my high school best friend who is my Maid of Honor, and my college best friend who is my bridesmaid.  I'm thinking of sending them cupcakes and a cute card to ask them!

futuremrswoods9511

I already asked my MOH cause I need her to help me! We've been best friends for 14 years and I couldn't imagine anyone but her, plus she knew about the engagement before I did! I haven't asked anyone else yet but I pretty much have a good idea of who I plan to ask.