Not Engaged Yet

BF screwing around on me?

So, my BF and I have been together 4 years and we have been talking about our wedding the last 5 months. We have everything picked out and ordered our invitations last week! Yaay!

The thing is, I'm not sure if he's stopped "playing the field," so to speak. Last year, I found out he had another girlfriend. When I called him out on it, he broke up with her and we worked through it and I thought we were so much stronger. He gave me a promise ring three years ago, and recommitted himself to me after I caught him cheating. He promised he loved me and that we were going to get married. We even went and put deposits down on a venue. It's my dream place! 

The last few months, he's been acting funny. I'm starting to doubt whether he actually broke up with this girl or not. He doesn't want to have sex with me anymore, and only gives in when I beg. He hides his phone and is always on it, even at the dinner table! I think he has a secret email address. He takes his laptop everywhere and claims it's becaues he has to use it at work. 

What should I do? I love him so much, I just want to make this work.
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Re: BF screwing around on me?

  • I'm a little confused about why you've posted this on the not engaged yet board but whatever. I also suspect this is MUD but just in case it isn't here's my advice:

    To be perfectly honest, if my SO had another GF we'd be done. I could work through a one night stand, a one time mistake but not an entire other relationship. But you decided to try to make it work so I suppose that is beside the point.

    My advice is to leave him. Be with someone you can trust. Be with someone who doesn't make you beg for sex - even without the cheating that alone would be enough of a reason to put all wedding plans on hold and get some serious counseling.

    Just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them. Better to end it now then to drag out your headache.


  • Everything Beth said. A one-time mistake, or a short lived affair is something to work through, but an entire other relationship is another song.

    I would leave him if he won't own up to why he's acting funny. If this is a real, true concern, cancel your deposits. You can always make more money and push the wedding to another date if you somehow get back together.

    Love is important in a committed relationship, but love isn't enough, and it appears that he isn't giving you what you need (love, affection, attention). Once you get married, it's really difficult to get out. If he is getting away with it now, it sets a precedent that this behavior will be tolerated once you're married. Don't set yourself up for misery girl.
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  • I agree with the PPs. If you have any serious doubts about him, do not marry him. I would suggest leaving him but you don't seem willing to do that so at the very least, I would call off/postpone the wedding and go for some counseling together. Good luck!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-screwing-around-on-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2273fe2c-f6a3-43dc-9bb5-17120aede9e0Post:9e0f403f-4537-4818-97f5-72f81bf692c2">Re: BF screwing around on me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]\So don't get offended if she/he/it starts spouting off crazy sh|t.
    Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

    ygpm, bb.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-screwing-around-on-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2273fe2c-f6a3-43dc-9bb5-17120aede9e0Post:438c993b-a07c-4982-8669-adde1909d225">Re: BF screwing around on me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BF screwing around on me? : ygpm, bb.
    Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]

    <div>you too.</div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
    'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
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  • Great now I have the song Let's Go To The Mall stuck in my head.....

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-screwing-around-on-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2273fe2c-f6a3-43dc-9bb5-17120aede9e0Post:d39537cb-a3f7-4d78-bce0-11d7343184c9">BF screwing around on me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, my BF and I have been together 4 years and we have been talking about our wedding the last 5 months. We have everything picked out and ordered our invitations last week! Yaay! The thing is, I'm not sure if he's stopped "playing the field," so to speak. Last year, I found out he had another girlfriend. When I called him out on it, he broke up with her and we worked through it and I thought we were so much stronger. He gave me a promise ring three years ago, and recommitted himself to me after I caught him cheating. He promised he loved me and that we were going to get married. We even went and put deposits down on a venue. It's my dream place!  The last few months, he's been acting funny. I'm starting to doubt whether he actually broke up with this girl or not. He doesn't want to have sex with me anymore, and only gives in when I beg. He hides his phone and is always on it, even at the dinner table! I think he has a secret email address. He takes his laptop everywhere and claims it's becaues he has to use it at work.  What should I do? I love him so much, I just want to make this work.
    Posted by RoBiNSpArKlEs93[/QUOTE]

    <div>Obviously you need to slip him a little something something in his drink during dinner, and then hack both his laptop and his phone, just to make sure.</div>
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  • Have you asked him to go to couples counseling? Maybe that will help.
  • Maybe he's acting weird because he has a surprise for you!!!!
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    My wedding day panties!!

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  • I think the obvious solution here is...SISTER WIVES!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-screwing-around-on-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2273fe2c-f6a3-43dc-9bb5-17120aede9e0Post:9e0f403f-4537-4818-97f5-72f81bf692c2">Re: BF screwing around on me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You guys know this is really, probably, most likely, an Alter Ego account, right? Just like Bedazzled Bride, and almost every other one on the bottom of this page <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-yooouu_.8">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_getting-yooouu_.8</a> So don't get offended if she/he/it starts spouting off crazy sh|t.
    Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

    This post really rubs me the wrong way. It comes off as talking down to us and I really don't appreciate it.


  • i think hesprobaly just nrevuos about the wedding coming up.  gyuys can be weird that waay.  ignore him an djust be excited for YOUR DAY!

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  • I think you should try harder to please him. Maybe arrange a romantic night where you cook for him.
    image
  • Jump him in the shower - he's naked and can't turn you down!
  • I guess I'm just a forgiving person!!!! I LOVE him!!! Love is a commitment!!! I'm not going to leave him because of a mistake he made when I was in high school! If he's really cheating this time, I'm going to do random cell phone checks and force him to give me his email passwords. 

    Bedazzled, do you really think he's going to propose finally? I've been waiting for soooooo long!! He's got the ring in his sock drawer and everything! He keeps it hidden in his sock drawer, but when I go over to his apartment, I wear it. Isn't it gorgeous??

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-screwing-around-on-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2273fe2c-f6a3-43dc-9bb5-17120aede9e0Post:8dbc9300-d0a0-4ee3-a225-3ce09fa4ca2a">Re: BF screwing around on me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BF screwing around on me? : ...What? I just didn't want anyone getting legitmately angry that might not have been here for very long. I just learned what an AE was a few weeks ago, and stillwell was nice enough to remind me what day it was after that post. So please don't get offended at me trying to help others who might have just joined the board, it was in no way meant to be talking down to anyone. ETA: And the 'really, probably, most likely' part of that post was not trying to make anyone seem dumb for not realizing it. I was giving the poster the benefit of the doubt just in case it was not a novelty account.
    Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>YGPM.

    </div>
    I french with my man
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  • kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-screwing-around-on-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2273fe2c-f6a3-43dc-9bb5-17120aede9e0Post:4e8874f8-4b87-4031-a397-284da3587600">Re: BF screwing around on me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BF screwing around on me? : YGPM.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    <div>And you have one in return. If you ladies would like to remove my quotes in your messages for your fun, please do. I wasn't DD'ing, I'm trying to fix it.</div><div>
    </div><div>edit: spelling.</div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
    'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
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  • I really hope he's just nervous! Good luck!
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  • Most likely this is an April first Troll thread.  Please don't feed the trolls.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-screwing-around-on-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2273fe2c-f6a3-43dc-9bb5-17120aede9e0Post:19173f0e-bc6b-45a9-953f-e871dc83b8ee">Re: BF screwing around on me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Most likely this is an April first Troll thread.  Please don't feed the trolls.
    Posted by Knot Irene[/QUOTE]

    Of course it is. Robin Sparkles is a reference to How I Met Your Mother.  Can we ban all of the trolls to deter any more?
     
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  • Check your PMs please Hoboken
  • Not even a little bit of silly fun today guys?  This makes me sad.
    I french with my man
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-screwing-around-on-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2273fe2c-f6a3-43dc-9bb5-17120aede9e0Post:7cc1278f-46f8-4baa-b87e-723ef8b7c848">Re: BF screwing around on me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Not even a little bit of silly fun today guys?  This makes me sad.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I think it stops being silly fun whenever you tell someone that they were the death of fun and that they blew it on keeping it a secret when they didn't even know what was going on, no?</div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
    'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-screwing-around-on-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2273fe2c-f6a3-43dc-9bb5-17120aede9e0Post:8a639dd5-02e7-4228-9319-efb3639a2a8f">Re: BF screwing around on me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BF screwing around on me? : I think it stops being silly fun whenever you tell someone that they were the death of fun and that they blew it on keeping it a secret when they didn't even know what was going on, no?
    Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

    <div>Seriously?  I really liked you too.  There is no need to get your feelings in a twist over a silly expression.  It's not like I said something horrendous and horrible to you.</div>
    I french with my man
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  • I thought it was pretty harmless, personally. I don't get what the big deal is. 

    And KM, NEY wasn't the only board in on it. FYI. 



  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-screwing-around-on-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2273fe2c-f6a3-43dc-9bb5-17120aede9e0Post:f685ad4f-28f6-4de2-bbed-ceb5a3b4f151">Re: BF screwing around on me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BF screwing around on me? : Seriously?  I really liked you too.  There is no need to get your feelings in a twist over a silly expression.  It's not like I said something horrendous and horrible to you.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    <div>There's also no need to send anyone a PM about something like that. You certainly don't have to like me, but you getting just as upset over an April Fools prank is equally silly, to me.</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm not here to pick a fight with you, and I apologized.</div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
    'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-screwing-around-on-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2273fe2c-f6a3-43dc-9bb5-17120aede9e0Post:3dc7c148-08fb-4908-92e9-b637243a5c0f">Re: BF screwing around on me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I thought it was pretty harmless, personally. I don't get what the big deal is.  And KM, NEY wasn't the only board in on it. FYI. 
    Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]

    <div>That I know too, and I'm not angry with anyone at all. I just tried to backpeddle on exposing it so it could continue, was all.</div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
    'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
    image
  • SwazzleSwazzle member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-screwing-around-on-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2273fe2c-f6a3-43dc-9bb5-17120aede9e0Post:e8e51318-ab9a-463a-a221-cd8d0e322742">Re: BF screwing around on me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BF screwing around on me? : There's also no need to send anyone a PM about something like that. You certainly don't have to like me, but you getting just as upset over an April Fools prank is equally silly, to me. I'm not here to pick a fight with you, and I apologized.
    Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm pretty sure nobody here is "upset". I also am sure that Peek PMed you to fill you in on the prank, not because she was scolding you. No need to take offense. </div>



  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-screwing-around-on-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2273fe2c-f6a3-43dc-9bb5-17120aede9e0Post:5f4c408b-adb8-40d8-9760-18adcef7ea4b">Re: BF screwing around on me?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BF screwing around on me? : Of course it is. Robin Sparkles is a reference to How I Met Your Mother.  Can we ban all of the trolls to deter any more?
    Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

    <img src="http://www.edjunkie.com/images/cans/power%20trip%20mango%20shot.jpg" alt="" width="275" height="548" />
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