In a pickle about The Ring...

fretsnkeys

So my boyfriend is very secretive about our engagement and the proposal.  He really wants it to be a surprise, which I agree with... but that means we never talk about it!  He doesn't know what styles I like (and I have really specific ideas of what I like and dislike), he doesn't know what cuts I like, and he doesn't know that I want a conflict-free diamond.

Some close friends have dropped hints and sent pictures, but they are constantly confusing him with misinformation about what I want (which I find out about after the fact)!  It's really, really frustrating.

Without being a total greedy b*tch... how do I get the ring that I want, while still keeping the element of surprise?  HELP!

xM

buddysmom80

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_in-a-pickle-about-the-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:73f4dfae-7f49-4c96-a392-415781b56b26Post:9bc0f823-6884-4a84-b0bd-5509b25fe0fd">In a pickle about The Ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]So my boyfriend is very secretive about our engagement and the proposal.  He really wants it to be a surprise, which I agree with... but that means we never talk about it!  He doesn't know what styles I like (and I have really specific ideas of what I like and dislike), he doesn't know what cuts I like, and he doesn't know that I want a conflict-free diamond. Some close friends have dropped hints and sent pictures, but they are constantly confusing him with misinformation about what I want (which I find out about after the fact)!  It's really, really frustrating. Without being a total greedy b*tch... how do I get the ring that I want, while still keeping the element of surprise?  HELP! xM
Posted by fretsnkeys[/QUOTE]

If I was in your shoes, I'd be happy with whatever I got.  To me, an engagement isn't about the ring itself, that's a material possession.  The engagement is about the commitment between you and your partner. 

Also, I wouldn't have friends drop hints or send pictures, it's going to put a lot of negative unnecessary pressure on him.

peekaboo2011

Perhaps you should learn to be able to have an open and honest conversation about getting engaged with your BF before you two actually get engaged.

In fact, we told you the same thing about 10.5 months ago.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_he-wont-talk-about-it

s-aries8990

Ditto buddy's mom. It's not about how fancy the ring is, it's about a commitment. If you're so concerned, why don't YOU bring it up to HIM and show him what styles you like and which ones you specifically don't like. And tell your friends to butt out unless he asks them.

Blue & White

My FI asked for a list of pictures and then went to the jeweler himself and picked out the ring/had it customized.

Shockingly, he already knew the basics.  Like that yellow gold is not my thing (things like this come up during 5 years of dating...haha)

Talk to him.  It's not that hard.

ETA:  As PP have said, the engagement isn't about the ring.  It's about the MARRIAGE (note: NOT the wedding) afterwards.

Swazzle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_in-a-pickle-about-the-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:73f4dfae-7f49-4c96-a392-415781b56b26Post:9d8522fc-bedb-4534-aae2-581f42edcfbb">Re: In a pickle about The Ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]Perhaps you should learn to be able to have an open and honest conversation about getting engaged with your BF before you two actually get engaged. In fact, we told you the same thing about 10.5 months ago. <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_he-wont-talk-about-it">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_he-wont-talk-about-it</a>
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

<div>This.</div>

kelley198721

I agree with the PP. I wouldn't focus so much on the ring and be happy with what you get.

But I would tell all your friends to stop sending him pictures. Just designate ONE friend to help him, if he needs the help. Just one friend that actually knows what you want and can help your BF if he asks for help. But only if he asks. Otherwise, just have all of your friends leave him alone. 

Hummingbird125

How about jsut saying "Hey, I know you want this to be a complete surprise, but I want to tell you what I like. Here are the general things I'd love in a ring." Hand him a piece of paper with your details on it, then tell him he can use that info if he wants, but you two don't need to talk about it again. Bam. Done.

If there's a chance that he is NOT seriously thinking about buying you a ring/proposing anytime soon, then you have just put way too much pressure on it. However, I feel like you've probably been doing that anyway, so...yeah.

CASK85

Pee k FTW.

thelamarrs

If the idea of recieving a gift that doesn't fit your specifications bothers you so much, you should it down and talk about it like adults.

But honestly, you should be happy and excited about the fact he wants to take that step with you. So be happy, calm down and don't worry about it. 

bethsmiles

The PPs gave you great advice. All I have to add is that because you capitalized "The Ring" I assumed you were going to be talking about LOTR and was thoroughly disappointed.

kelley198721

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_in-a-pickle-about-the-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:73f4dfae-7f49-4c96-a392-415781b56b26Post:c59992f0-bf15-4eff-ac0a-38fa0c162455">Re: In a pickle about The Ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]The PPs gave you great advice. All I have to add is that because you capitalized "The Ring" I assumed you were going to be talking about LOTR and was thoroughly disappointed.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

<div>I lol'd at this. Speaking of LOTR, did you see the Hobbit? I saw it for the first time the other night have to say, wasn't too impressed. I was disappointed because I loved the LOTR movies. </div>

leia1979

As much as I love my fellow posters, I disagree with the "shut up and be happy" philosophy. I think you should like your ring, since you'll hopefully wear it for 30 years. Tell your friends to stop the hints. As you've already seen, it's not helping. Sit down with him and say, when the time comes, here are some examples of things I like.

beanbot2002

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_in-a-pickle-about-the-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:73f4dfae-7f49-4c96-a392-415781b56b26Post:c59992f0-bf15-4eff-ac0a-38fa0c162455">Re: In a pickle about The Ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]The PPs gave you great advice. All I have to add is that because you capitalized "The Ring" I assumed you were going to be talking about LOTR and was thoroughly disappointed.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

Yo tambien.
This was all I could think:
<img style="width:358px;height:273px;" src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/8ee93c62d90136a1b89feccb0c0965b0/tumblr_mjcla45bp41s7xuyco1_500.jpg" alt="" width="357" height="309" />

lennonkdc

OP, stop bugging him about a proposal, stop having friends drop hints about the ring. Its not the right time to worry about such things. 

To illustrate a point- FI proposed without a ring. I thought that would mean I would help him pick out my ring, turns out that to him, picking out the perfect ring was really important. It was his big moment to shine and he wanted to knock my socks off. I had one vision in my head of what I wanted, and I was panicked that I wouldn't like what he picked out. But, I TRUSTED him (I was going to marry him after all) and he picked out the perfect ring, all by himself. I love it more then I would have loved one that I picked out myself, precisely because I know FI put so much thought into it. And if I had hated it, I know that I could have sat down with FI and discussed the issue in a rational matter. 

In the end the ring is just a symbol, its not the end all be all. Size doesn't equal love, cut doesn't equal commitment, and price isn't an indicator of your value. 

leia1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_in-a-pickle-about-the-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:73f4dfae-7f49-4c96-a392-415781b56b26Post:f41345c8-d98c-4c2e-a2c4-9babb540c1a8">Re: In a pickle about The Ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]  In the end the ring is just a symbol, its not the end all be all. Size doesn't equal love, cut doesn't equal commitment, and price isn't an indicator of your value. 
Posted by lennonkdc[/QUOTE]

Well said! I would like to quote this for posterity. In my case, H knew I would be happier picking it out myself, and that's what we did. But I also believe the above is true, especially the last part. My ring is deliberately 1/3 the cost of most of my friends' rings because I thought it was silly to spend that much money.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_in-a-pickle-about-the-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:73f4dfae-7f49-4c96-a392-415781b56b26Post:4b44618b-9ba1-456b-8609-a64d75466dde">Re: In a pickle about The Ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In a pickle about The Ring... : I lol'd at this. Speaking of LOTR, did you see the Hobbit? I saw it for the first time the other night have to say, wasn't too impressed. I was disappointed because I loved the LOTR movies. 
Posted by kelley198721[/QUOTE]

I did see it when it first came out. I was annoyed with the poor use of special effects throughout but I did really enjoy it. I LOVE Martin Freeman and thought he did a phenomenal job. You also have to remember the Hobbit is a children's book so it's bound to be a little less intense than LOTR

KeptInStitches

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_in-a-pickle-about-the-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:73f4dfae-7f49-4c96-a392-415781b56b26Post:227845ac-b55a-4454-b98c-a79c286287c4">Re:In a pickle about The Ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]As much as I love my fellow posters, I disagree with the "shut up and be happy" philosophy. I think you should like your ring, since you'll hopefully wear it for 30 years. Tell your friends to stop the hints. As you've already seen, it's not helping. Sit down with him and say, when the time comes, here are some examples of things I like.
Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]

<div>Truth. A lot of my mom's friends have replaced their rings in the last 5 years, and I think a lack of communication might have led to some of that.</div>

KeptInStitches

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_in-a-pickle-about-the-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:73f4dfae-7f49-4c96-a392-415781b56b26Post:51e38f3d-db21-4ce3-974f-04172e91d4d2">Re: In a pickle about The Ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In a pickle about The Ring... : I did see it when it first came out. I was annoyed with the poor use of special effects throughout but I did really enjoy it. I LOVE Martin Freeman and thought he did a phenomenal job. You also have to remember the Hobbit is a children's book so it's bound to be a little less intense than LOTR
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

<div>Beth, I haven't seen it yet but I heard the pacing is incredibly slow. True or false?</div>

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_in-a-pickle-about-the-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:73f4dfae-7f49-4c96-a392-415781b56b26Post:8ec47488-483b-411a-bc09-dcfb7cbdf12b">Re: In a pickle about The Ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In a pickle about The Ring... : Beth, I haven't seen it yet but I heard the pacing is incredibly slow. True or false?
Posted by KeptInStitches[/QUOTE]

Really? I didn't find that to be true at all. It didn't feel 3 hours long and it kept me entertained the whole time.

ETA: I suggest reading the book first. The Hobbit is in the same world as LOTR but it is very different in many aspects. So if you go into it expecting it to be very similar to the LOTR movies I could understand being disappointed.

Peaseblossom55

I wanted everything to be a surprise. I did drop hints about the dream ring I wanted every once in awhile.  It was mostly about the band not the diamond though. In the end I trust FI to use his judgement to do what he felt was right.  He has great taste in jewelry and knows me well so I knew I'd be happy with anything. In the end I got my dream ring with a way bigger diamond than I expected. LIke others said it's just a symbol.  I told him repeatedly I would be happy with a twist tie. 

KeptInStitches

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_in-a-pickle-about-the-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:73f4dfae-7f49-4c96-a392-415781b56b26Post:7749b263-de11-4c81-9b0b-1347a20fe83e">Re: In a pickle about The Ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In a pickle about The Ring... : Really? I didn't find that to be true at all. It didn't feel 3 hours long and it kept me entertained the whole time. ETA: I suggest reading the book first. The Hobbit is in the same world as LOTR but it is very different in many aspects. So if you go into it expecting it to be very similar to the LOTR movies I could understand being disappointed.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

<div>I've read The Hobbit recently. Do I need to slog through the Silmarillion for a refresher, or can I enjoy without that?</div>

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_in-a-pickle-about-the-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:73f4dfae-7f49-4c96-a392-415781b56b26Post:10749772-2a8f-451a-9e3d-0d6872c740af">Re: In a pickle about The Ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In a pickle about The Ring... : I've read The Hobbit recently. Do I need to slog through the Silmarillion for a refresher, or can I enjoy without that?
Posted by KeptInStitches[/QUOTE]

I think you can enjoy it without. Peter Jackson did choose to include some stuff from Tolkien's other writings but I haven't read any of them and it didn't make the movie any less enjoyable for me.

Peledreamsofrain

If I was in your shoes, I would straight up tell him, and give him examples.  No hemming and hawing.  That doesn't ruin any surprise because you still don't know HOW he's going to propose, nor WHEN.

Communication = strong marriage.  Start practicing now on the small stuff.

ravenray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_in-a-pickle-about-the-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:73f4dfae-7f49-4c96-a392-415781b56b26Post:7749b263-de11-4c81-9b0b-1347a20fe83e">Re: In a pickle about The Ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In a pickle about The Ring... : Really? I didn't find that to be true at all. It didn't feel 3 hours long and it kept me entertained the whole time. ETA: I suggest reading the book first. The Hobbit is in the same world as LOTR but it is very different in many aspects. So if you go into it expecting it to be very similar to the LOTR movies I could understand being disappointed.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]
<p style="margin-bottom:0.0001pt;line-height:normal;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">Can I disagree Beth.  I thought it was really slow and kept checking my phone to see how much longer.  I was very disappointed in general, though Bilbo did a great job.  </span><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom:0.0001pt;line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;"> </span></p> <p style="margin-bottom:0.0001pt;line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">It's been a very long time since I read the Simmerlion and I had no problems.  I wouldn't read the book right before hand since I did and it contributed to my overall unhappiness with the movie, which is quite different from the book.  </span></p>