Awkward invite scenarios

teachmegs1

• So FI and I are getting to the point where we are compiling addresses for invitations.  I feel like there must be some radar going off somewhere alerting people that we are in this process because we've had three separate encounters where we had to let someone know that, "unfortunately due to our budget reasons and what we could afford...." talk. However, I just have to share this one that FI got through a text message.

• An acquaintance of his through this car club/group that he hangs out with every now and then sent him a text on Sunday saying; "Is your wedding an open invitation and anyone can come?"  FI replies; "No, it is not." He then replies back saying; "Oh that's good. I was wondering, because I didn't get my invitation yet.  Do you need my address?" It was Easter Sunday and we were about to sit down for dinner, so he did not reply back, but we did get a little chuckle out of it.  I don't think I would ever 1. assume I'm invited to someone's wedding, no matter how close or not we may be as friends, and 2. Ask someone if their wedding is an open invitation for any and all to come to. For some reason, he just put FI in this awkward position to have to tell him, "No, you are not invited." I know not everything about the wedding process will be smooth sailing, but we've gotten this far without any situations really so we thought we were in the clear.

• Anyone else have any awkward invite scenarios out there?

teachmegs1

It kind of makes me feel like people do that to try and pressure you into feeling bad, or reconsider a possible invite for them.  I don't know. Ay, yai, yai. Well, looks like we will be telling another person they are a "no."

Peledreamsofrain

The guest list was the most stressful part of my wedding. Everyone lost their godddam minds and manners over it. I friggin hated it.

misssunshine17

Eeek. Some people just don't know they're being rude.

I'd suggest not telling people it's because of X, Y or Z. Just say, unfortunately we're unable to invite everyone we'd like. Some crazies will offer to pay for their plate in order to be invited.

radleyboo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_awkward-invite-scenarios?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:2a04c658-843f-40c2-b756-4443a5d075aePost:03ae381c-f02c-47de-93c4-81853a99d93f">Re: Awkward invite scenarios</a>:
[QUOTE]Eeek. Some people just don't know they're being rude. I'd suggest not telling people it's because of X, Y or Z. Just say, unfortunately we're unable to invite everyone we'd like. <strong>Some crazies will offer to pay for their plate in order to be invited.</strong>
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

You're kidding!  Did someone do this to you?  Unbelievable!

FI and I are planning a small, mostly family wedding.  We'd considered drawing the lines at Aunts and Uncles and not including any cousins, but ended up deciding to invite cousins too.  I got an email from an Aunt who is very close to me to ask if cousins were invited, and I was happy to tell her yes.  I wasn't annoyed by this because the last time we'd spoken about it, we weren't sure, and she just wanted to clarify for her kids' sake. 

One acquaintance asked my BM if she was going to be invited, and my BM gracefully told her no.  I didn't even have to field that one!  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

harper0813

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_awkward-invite-scenarios?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2a04c658-843f-40c2-b756-4443a5d075aePost:f48fdfac-2507-4e54-8797-097540288d8e">Re:Awkward invite scenarios</a>:
[QUOTE]The guest list was the most stressful part of my wedding. Everyone lost their godddam minds and manners over it. I friggin hated it.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

<div>I echo you. Guest lists bring out the worst in people.</div><div>
</div><div>FI has a coworker who asks him regularly where her save the date is, and when he says "oh, we're still finalizing the guest list..." she ignores him for a week, which makes it extremely difficult for him to get work done because they work together so often (and he's in sales, so he's on the road all the time and they mostly communicate via phone calls and emails). The HR rep in his office recently asked him about wedding planning, too, so he's afraid that if he goes to the rep with this issue, the rep's going to get offended about not receiving an invite, either.</div><div>
</div><div>So he finally told needy coworker that she's getting invited so that he can actually get work done. I'm annoyed with him, but I'm annoyed with her more.</div>

MuppetFan

I had people invite themselves to my first wedding. Ex's aunt and uncle were invited, and the aunt and uncle invited their son and daughter in law. I didn't know this until we got to his grandmothers 80th birthday and they told me how excited they were to come...even though they had never met my ex or myself. The woman proceeded to get drunk and give everyone titty twisters and I made his mother tell them they were not invited and the aunt and uncle  ended up declining because they were annoyed. Cool by me.

We haven't sent out invites yet, but FMIL thinks we are inviting all of her friends. Uhmmmm no. She alludes to it often and we have alluded to it not happening. We are inviting her best friend (whom we can't stand but FI grew up knowing) as a courtesy. We are also inviting her aunts and uncles that we don't know as a courtesy to her because we don't want world war 3.

ETA: I should note that she invited her aunts and uncles to our engagement party at the last minute and also told them they had invites to the wedding.

peekaboo2011

I was on the other end of one - when I worked at a bridal salon, one of my brides turned out to be a coworker and friend of my mom's.  She and I got to be close, since she's closer to my age than mom's, and she invited me out a few times with her friends.  The night before the wedding, I texted her to say "Congratulations again, I'm sure you'll look gorgeous tomorrow!" not meaning anything by it other than what I'd said.  She texted me back with "You should come!"  I was like "I don't know, a friend of ours is coming in from out of country" and got back "Bring them too!  And to the reception!"  It was really awkward.  BF and I ended up just going for the ceremony, and it was gorgeous, but we didn't go to the reception since we'd have felt awkward dragging 15 people in since that was what we'd had planned.

teachmegs1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_awkward-invite-scenarios?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2a04c658-843f-40c2-b756-4443a5d075aePost:03ae381c-f02c-47de-93c4-81853a99d93f">Re: Awkward invite scenarios</a>:
[QUOTE]Eeek. Some people just don't know they're being rude. I'd suggest not telling people it's because of X, Y or Z. Just say, unfortunately we're unable to invite everyone we'd like. Some crazies will offer to pay for their plate in order to be invited.
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

That's totally true.  It happened to my friend at her wedding last year.

Chipmunk415

Yeah, we're just starting planning, and we're getting some of this...

We have a rough list of who we'd really want there (family, a few close friends, godparents, adopted grandparents), and who we're not too concerned about (my mom's only sibling and his fam, FI's aunts and uncles that he hasn't seen in over 10-15 years, barely talks to).

At Easter dinner with FI's folks, his Uncle R and Uncle's GF were down from upstate NY. We tried to avoid wedding talk, as I'd never met R or GF, and FI hasn't seen them in years. Then FI's father flat out mentions cousin P (also in upstate NY) wants to know the date ASAP so she can make arrangements for her fam (4 people) to come down. Cousin P and fam are nice, but DANG IT! We haven't finalized our list or anything, and how will R and GF feel if they aren't invited after hearing this?!

I'm praying this one doesn't blow out of control (though I privately explained to FSMIL that Jason and I want a very small wedding of some close family and friends). FSMIL was a gem about this, said she and FFIL could handle questions or comments from his side of fam. My folks have offered to cover the cost of the wedding, but I think regardless we can say "this is the budget we are working with, and this is our max. Sorry."

radleyboo

Why anyone would assume that they are invited to any wedding ever is beyond me.  Unless you are the bride or the groom, your attendance is not required.  I know far too many couples who have eloped, or had a private ceremony with just the bride and groom.  Don't assume anything.  Period. 

Oh, and @TeachMegs1, that's just crazy.  What a creeper!!!

Belle0720

I don't understand why people assume they are invited, let alone have the gall to ask if you need their address.

My uncle started dating someone last year and the first time I met her she started probing me about the wedding. I tried staying very vague but then she asked "Can I get an invitation"? I wanted to say, "What was your name again?" Now that she's his girlfriend, she is on the guest list, but geez for our first conversation, maybe try to get to know me instead of asking if you can be invited to my wedding.

Also, FMIL told me this weekend that a bunch of her extended family is all up in arms that they aren't invited to the wedding (because they know other people received Save the Dates). FI's second cousin apparently told her that although we are inviting her, she is refusing to come because her grandma isn't invited. Not everyone and their Grandma can be invited to every wedding. I understand being bummed out to not be invited, but to be mad and gossip about us, that's a whole other level.

teachmegs1

Some of my brother's friends who I grew up with also think they are automatically invited.  My family throws some good parties and they have always been invited to them.  They are now thinking that this, is the next big family party and they can come.  We are also having quite the extensive alcohol list.  Many people know that because our "booze" list is rather large, that it's going to turn into some raging party. I am almost betting on, at least one of my brother's friends to be a wedding crasher. Or, show up with another one of his friends (we are extending the invite to three of his close friends, whom I am also close with) as their uninvited "plus 1." It is, what it is.

rachelm13

FI played on this softball team for years. I have met most of the players and 2 in particular FI has known since birth bc they are two of his brother's BFF since they were 5. I also have spent time with their wives, who are awesome. Well there was another guy who has been friends with FIs brother for awhile but nowhere as long as the others and the only time I met him and his wife she literally lectured me for an hour straight about proper child rearing. I DON'T HAVE KIDS! Sooo fast forward to FIs going away party (late July) he corners FI and starts bugging him about wedding details. We had made our list and our venue we had decided on could only hold 200 max. FI tells him we are keeping it on the smaller side and bc of that and budget yada. The guys wife emailed FI and went on a whole rant about it. It was looney tunes. Apparently she does that frequently...

erinlin25

We own a small business and it blows my mind how many of our customers once they find out we are engaged practically invite themselves to the wedding!  Its so bizarre. At first the questions are usually small talk which is fine, but then it sometimes leads to things like "can't wait!" or "looking forward to it!"  etc We even had a customer tell us if she isn't invite we would lose her as a customer---um ok, cause we know you!?  So weird. 

Other than that, my FI sister "invited" her boss and his family (who we do not know).  FMIL even tried to defend her.  Um, no thank you.