Trouble After Picking Bridesmaids

leslies77

I have a very big family and several close friends so I had trouble narrowing down my list for bridesmaids. The first two are my close friends that I talk to frequently but once I got to my sisters it got really difficult to choose. I have 3 sisters and a cousin that I grew up with and consider a sister. It's a small wedding so I didn't want more than 5 attendants, and since I've been closer to my sisters than my cousin since we moved out on our own, I picked them. My cousin feels offended that I didn't choose her too but I don't know how to fix that. I invited her to my bridal shower and bachelorette party and our new housewarming party but she declined all of them.

Peledreamsofrain

Nobody has a right to thrust themselves into your party.  Her trying to do so is extremely rude.

Please don't 'assign her "part of the wedding to work on".  Work isn't fun. If someone offers to help you with your wedding, graciously accept.  Never, ever, corner people into free labor. 

Being a guest is an honor.  She could also do a reading, but I personally feel at this point it would feel like a pity prize to put her into the party itself.

Sassenach1743

I voted not to worry about it, because if you ask her to join the WP now it will just seem like a consolation and will not really mean the same thing to her as it would have if you had originally asked her. 

Also, giving her a "job" is lame. I don't know why people can't be happy with just attending as a guest and enjoying the day. Like helping plan or doing a reading is really going to prove that they are more special to you than any other close relative or friend that you are inviting? Just seems strange to me.

Her feelings are hurt. But I think she's over reacting and feeling worse about this than necessary. Just try so spend some time with her, maybe invite her to lunch, and let her know that your decisions about the bridal party were not to exclude her or make her feel bad. Show her you care about her feelings and tell her she has no reason to feel less involved or less special and that you really hope she'll be there to celebrate with you.

If she still can't get over it then just let it be. She's making this about her and obviously has her own issues. Don't worry about it.

*Sorry if my advice sounds insensitive to a degree, I'm just not a fan of enabling someone's issues when it comes to being pissed about the bridal party. Its never about the bridal party anyway... 

lyndausvi

Look, her feelings were hurt. I would not say it's necessarily an overrecation though.   I was disappointed when I was not in my brother's wedding.  It hurt.  I got over it though (especially when I saw the awful dresses). 

Just give her time, she will come around.

On another note I do not totally get picking a random number for a WP.  Don't get me wrong, you can't have everyone.   But picking only 5 when you seem to be close to 6 is kind-of silly.  Too late now.

leslies77

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_trouble-after-picking-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a8b2b576-d216-4458-bc0f-059f622df7abPost:76ee4635-23a5-40f9-9087-2b160423a52f">Re: Trouble After Picking Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Trouble After Picking Bridesmaids : I agree with this.  She has every right to be disappointed and it doesn't really sound like she's oevr reacting.  However that does not obligate you to include her in the wedding party.  She will get over it. And that last part has me really confused too.  You only left her out because of some ideal number in your head?  Weird.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

The venue could only allow up to 5 attendants on each side which is why I went with that number. We honestly have not talked much in the last few years since we moved out on our own. We each moved to different states and only talk at family holiday events. My other sisters, however, all get together a few times a year and talk often.

leslies77

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_trouble-after-picking-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a8b2b576-d216-4458-bc0f-059f622df7abPost:960f38d4-02ff-40ff-8597-ed9108525a9d">Re: Trouble After Picking Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]Nobody has a right to thrust themselves into your party.  Her trying to do so is extremely rude. Please don't 'assign her "part of the wedding to work on".  Work isn't fun. If someone offers to help you with your wedding, graciously accept.  Never, ever, corner people into free labor.  Being a guest is an honor.  She could also do a reading, but I personally feel at this point it would feel like a pity prize to put her into the party itself.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

I agree with what you are saying. I'm not comfortable with pawning off my work on other people, which is why i'm doing it all mostly on my own.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_trouble-after-picking-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a8b2b576-d216-4458-bc0f-059f622df7abPost:c4429e3a-5352-440a-b46f-7e77f91c04e3">Re: Trouble After Picking Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Trouble After Picking Bridesmaids : The venue could only allow up to 5 attendants on each side which is why I went with that number. We honestly have not talked much in the last few years since we moved out on our own. We each moved to different states and only talk at family holiday events. My other sisters, however, all get together a few times a year and talk often.
Posted by leslies77[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm just curious... is this a church venue?  I've heard of church's vaguely limiting bridal parties (so it doesn't get crazy), but never a specific number like 5.  </div>

leslies77

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_trouble-after-picking-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a8b2b576-d216-4458-bc0f-059f622df7abPost:1ae13bd2-9521-4613-8403-f34d2acdf44f">Re: Trouble After Picking Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Trouble After Picking Bridesmaids : I'm just curious... is this a church venue?  I've heard of church's vaguely limiting bridal parties (so it doesn't get crazy), but never a specific number like 5.  
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]
 
It's not a church, just a little local place that hosts weddings. The space is very limited. They found that if there was more than 5 it looks really cramped. There are only 2 groomsmen so they offered to move the alter in front of the groom side seating but the photographers didn't think they could get good angles from there.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_trouble-after-picking-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a8b2b576-d216-4458-bc0f-059f622df7abPost:c199613a-c3d0-4af3-8703-07a98744f593">Re: Trouble After Picking Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Trouble After Picking Bridesmaids :   It's not a church, just a little local place that hosts weddings. The space is very limited. They found that if there was more than 5 it looks really cramped. There are only 2 groomsmen so they offered to move the alter in front of the groom side seating but the photographers didn't think they could get good angles from there.
Posted by leslies77[/QUOTE]
Oy vey. You could have just had the attendants sit after walking down the aisle, so they wouldn't have had the cramped look. Or you could have told the photographer that the people matter more than the angles. Or you could have just gone with the cramped look. But you chose to keep the number limited.
I get that your cousin is disappointed, but she's being a bit extreme. I mean, boycotting the events just because of this is absurd. Is she hoping her attitude will win you over? I guess so, since you are considering it.