Do I approach her?

bethie86

Not sure if I should approach one of my bridesmaids or not. She has been like a sister to me since we were juniors in high school. I wasn't even at her quicky wedding to her husband shortly after senior year. Now I'm getting married next year and I asked her to be in the wedding. She sounded happy to do it but since I've begun putting ideas out to all of my bridesmaids she goes with the most costly opinions. I have a budget for this wedding and I want to keep to it. Which pretty much cuts out catering for us. We have family who will cook and help provide food for our over 200 guests. She was very vocal about how we should just have is catered and be done with it. Then we went to order my dress the first time and she was upset cuz I didn't take her. I hadn't planned on finding the dress so soon. My wedding isn't until May of 2014 but my dress is already ordered and at my grandmother's house for safe keeping. I ordered it when she and another bridesmaid were with me because I had the money and it was on sale which was awesome. lol. She and the other bridesmaid tried on the dress I had envisioned for them and the two of them were whining about it being strapless. I finally just told them I don't care, add straps if you want. Not really a major deal for me really but when I told them my dress was in the first thing out of her mouth was you know it's going to yellow by the time you get married.

then come to find out she talked to my mom after i left the party we were at for my niece, and I know there is a lot going on but now sounds like she wants to back out of the wedding party all together. I don't know if this is simply because she didn't have to do all this planning or if it's simple stress of everything we all have going on.

so the question is should i approach her or should I wait til she comes to me if she does at all? she has managed to make every appointment and has been around to answer texts when i do ask them all questions regarding wedding thoughts

AddieCake

I am not sure what you feel you need to approach her about. Stop sharing wedding details with her if you don't want her opinions. You need to ask each girl privately what her budget for a dress is before you choose one, and they should also ALL have the opportunity to try it on to see if they like it.

FizzySips

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-i-approach-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:423791b4-b189-4ccf-beb4-f571c8aaf49bPost:dfa65cb7-0ff3-40c5-a63d-eba93fb12bfb">Re: Do I approach her?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not sure what you feel you need to approach her about. Stop sharing wedding details with her if you don't want her opinions. You need to ask each girl privately what her budget for a dress is before you choose one, and they should also ALL have the opportunity to try it on to see if they like it.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]



This. A conversation that starts out "so, do you want out of my wedding?" will only lead to a dissolved friendship and likely plenty of drama. You have plenty of time, cool it on the wedding details with her and see if things get better.

Peledreamsofrain

If you don't like her opinions, stop asking her for them.  It's just about that complicated.

Don't ask her to step down.  If you think she's throwing you drama now, just wait until you publically embarrass her by 'firing' her from the bridal party. Ish will hit the fan, and you won't come out smelling like roses.

JillianNJohn

You have over a year until the wedding, it was too early to choose a wedding party it seems. A bridesmaid is got required to plan, prep, go shopping, etc.... Banging a bridesmaid is something there to stand by you, they are not required to do anything else. If you don't want her opinions, don't ask for them. Personally I think this far out is a bit much to buy their dresses, ppl a body's change, pregnancy happens, health issues can happen... All meaning the dresses may not even fit I'm 13 months.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-i-approach-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:423791b4-b189-4ccf-beb4-f571c8aaf49bPost:0c60ff58-ea56-4627-a239-79165b33e2c0">Re: Do I approach her?</a>:
[QUOTE]You have over a year until the wedding, it was too early to choose a wedding party it seems. A bridesmaid is got required to plan, prep, go shopping, etc.... Banging a bridesmaid is something there to stand by you, they are not required to do anything else. If you don't want her opinions, don't ask for them. Personally I think this far out is a bit much to buy their dresses, ppl a body's change, pregnancy happens, health issues can happen... All meaning the dresses may not even fit I'm 13 months.
Posted by JillianNJohn[/QUOTE]
Banging a bridesmaid?

Viczaesar

OP, it's WAY too early to be looking for bridesmaid dresses.  Slow your roll and if you don't want her input, stop sharing information with her.  There's nothing to approach her about.

bethie86

contrary to the way it sounds i guess i want her in the wedding. i also want her to understand that if she feels its too much that i wont be upset with her if she doesnt want to do it anymore. i just feel she feels obligated and is now stressing. i dont want her to stress since i already am and i dont want our friendship to be majorly strained. i have decided not to approach her on it at all. im going to wait to see if she comes to me. and all they were upset about with the dress was no straps. i told them to add some if they wanted. thanks for your input

B2Z728

I'm happy that you decided to not broach the subject with her. A good way for her to stop stressing about your wedding would be to stop talking about it. It's a long off yet and though you may be very excited you wedding, everyone else will not want to talk about very often. Your bridesmaids shouldn't need to give you their opinion on any details about your wedding other than their input on the budget for their bridesmaids dresses and for you to take into consideration what their comfort zone is for the style of the dress. They're not obligated to help you plan or help with projects. It's nice if they do but it certainly shouldn't be expected. 

While it might be a tad early to have your dress, you should hold off ordering any bridesmaid dresses until January of 2014, in which you'd still have plenty of time for their dresses to come in and have them altered if needed.