Snarky Brides

Just Annoyed...

So my wedding is almost here!  One month and two weeks away!

On the annoyed note, my cousin got engaged on Valentine's day to a guy she started dating at the end of December.  My fiance and I have been dating since 2010, and have been engaged and planning our wedding for an entire year.  My cousin's dad even went out of his way to call me and check in on our wedding date so that my cousin didn't interfere with it (even though I had already sent them the Save the Date so they should have known).  

What annoys me is after ALL that and the fact that she has only been dating this guy for like 4.5 months, she decided to pick the Saturday BEFORE mine for her wedding date.

Seriously?  Just wait one more freakin' month, or even two more freakin' weeks would have been less rude.  

Is it just me, or do I have the right to be TOTALLY annoyed????!!!
Let's Drink Coffee, Darling
Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Just Annoyed...

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited April 2013
    You can be as totally annoyed as you want to be. Don't show it, however. On the surface, it may seem as though their relationship could never be as deep as yours and your FI, but you can never judge this out loud. Her wedding cannot possibly be as spectacular as your thoroughly planned out one, but don't compare the two. You just have to let it go and be gracious about it. You screen name says it all.
  • If it makes you feel better, your wedding will be the one people will remember since you are the one going after :). Their wedding will be nothing like yours and if you try to just focus on what matters, this might get easier. It's annoying as hell for the principle, but when it comes down to it, people won't think of your day any less because of this other wedding.
  • So they met in Dec, got engaged 2 months later and are getting married after only a couple months of planning?? Wow....just take pride in knowing there is no way theirs will top yours since you have put so much more time into planning everything. I'm sure they will be getting lots of side eyed glances anyways for getting married after only being together for a few months.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'd be annoyed, too, but you'll just look bad if you show it. Just enjoy your own wedding stuff. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • My cousin had a similar whirlwind last year, which really hurt me since FI and had been together for 5 years and weren't engaged yet. But then we found out she was pregnant, so everyone was like "oh,that explains the rush" (although I didn't think people did that any more). ::shrugs:: Focus on your wedding and making it beautiful. You won't be the one people will side eye.

     

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I got engaged in July, set wedding date for May. One of my bridesmaids got engaged in Oct and married in March. I was a bit annoyed. At the end of the day, she's married. and MY WEDDING WILL STILL BE AMAZING! So will yours.

    If it really bugs you about her wedding, I don't know how close you are, but I recommend not sharing info (venue, colors, vendors etc).
  • You can be annoyed, but like the other ladies said, don't show it. Technically speaking, she did nothing wrong. You can side-eye her quick engagement if you want and side-eye the fact that she's getting married a week before you, but neither of those things goes against etiquette, so you wouldn't really have a leg to stand on if you wanted to bring it up or throw a fit about it. It would end up making you look poorly in the end.


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Vacation
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f81dd18f-f71d-4588-81b1-0910091cdc36Post:6a237715-1cb5-4adc-aa6b-20a322f15bf2">Re: Just Annoyed...</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>My cousin had a similar whirlwind last year, which really hurt me since FI and had been together for 5 years and weren't engaged yet. </strong>But then we found out she was pregnant, so everyone was like "oh,that explains the rush" (although I didn't think people did that any more). ::shrugs:: Focus on your wedding and making it beautiful. You won't be the one people will side eye.
    Posted by Angelface225[/QUOTE]

    I don't get this at all. So because you and your then-b/f CHOSE to date for a long time before getting engaged, it's rude or annoying that someone else made the choice to not wait a long time before getting engaged?

    I am seriously side-eyeing some of the judgment going on in this thread over short engagements. My grandparents got engaged after a few months dating and were married a few months after that. They will celebrate their 59th wedding anniversary this June. While I can see why OP is a little annoyed that the wedding got planned the WEEK before her own, I don't really think it's anyone's business to judge how long of an engagement anyone has.


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Vacation
  • I didn't say that it was rude for my cousin to get married quickly, I was just sharing that I had a situation that made me upset as well.

     

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I think it sucks she picked the weekend before your wedding.  However, I dont see how how long she has dated or been engaged to her FI holds any relevancy.  So because you have been engaged longer you are more entitled?  She's a sh!tty cousin for picking the weekend before, but I think you are a bit judgy.  FI and I have been engaged for 3 years.  EVERYONE has gotten married before us.  People who just got engaged in October are marrying the month before us, people who got together after us are already married.  I would have picked another month if I were her, but etiquette wise, she is in the clear.

    image

    June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f81dd18f-f71d-4588-81b1-0910091cdc36Post:c89ec587-948d-4ced-b79a-6fb700a383a8">Re: Just Annoyed...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't say that it was rude for my cousin to get married quickly, I was just sharing that I had a situation that made me upset as well.
    Posted by Angelface225[/QUOTE]

    But why were you hurt or upset that someone else chose to NOT date for 5 years before getting engaged?


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Vacation
  • Weezy56Weezy56 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited April 2013
    I'm going to have to agree with Stage and Summer. I think being annoyed with someone choosing a wedding date close to yours and feeling hurt that they didn't date as long is ridiculous. My dear friend since I was 4 started dating her husband in December 2006. I started dating my husband in December of 2009. We were engaged two months before they were. If she had ever thought to be upset with me for that I would honestly would have told her to her face how ridiculous she was being. Their wedding date was two moths after ours. On the flipside, it never occured to me to be upset that her wedding date was somewhat close to mine.

    I'm really not understanding what there is to be upset about here.

    ETA: I know that these time frames are longer than was OP and some PPs are talking about, but I still think being annoyed/hurt is silly.
  • rel1988rel1988 member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Comment First Anniversary
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:f81dd18f-f71d-4588-81b1-0910091cdc36Post:fb2f74a1-6a97-4057-81d0-0b172b683c98">Re: Just Annoyed...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just Annoyed... : But why were you hurt or upset that someone else chose to NOT date for 5 years before getting engaged?
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    I don't she is saying that she was hurt they didn't choose to wait that long, I think she meant she was annoyed by the fact they just beat her to it. Considering girls rarely propose it's not really any woman's choice to "wait" x amount of time...we are just waiting for the guys to step it up! I was with an ex for over 7 years and it would jade me a little when people got engaged before me...I wouldn't be upset at THEM just my own situation.
     
    Likewise when FI and I got engaged after 14 months of dating, my oldest friend literally told me "It's not that I'm not happy for you it just bothers me that I didn't get proposed to first since we have been dating for over 4 years"....so yeah it's human nature to be bothered by it you just need to keep your mouth shut.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Weezy56Weezy56 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f81dd18f-f71d-4588-81b1-0910091cdc36Post:4d9ecb5e-168c-4fb9-9f9e-30e9b8a35035">Re: Just Annoyed...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just Annoyed... : I don't she is saying that she was hurt they didn't choose to wait that long, I think she meant she was annoyed by the fact they just beat her to it. Considering girls rarely propose it's not really any woman's choice to "wait" x amount of time...we are just waiting for the guys to step it up! I was with an ex for over 7 years and I would jade me a little when people got engaged before me...I wouldn't be upset at THEM just my own situation. Likewise when FI and I got engaged after 14 months of dating, my oldest friend literally told me "It's not that I'm not happy for you it just bothers me that I didn't get proposed to first since we have been dating for over 4 year"....so yeah it's human nature to be bothered by it you just need to keep your mouth shut.
    Posted by rel1988[/QUOTE]

    Why can't anyone "beat her to it?" Life is not a race. Everyone goes at their own speeds with any life milestones- getting married, first kiss, buying a house, etc. If one of my friends had said to me what your friend said to you I would be upset.
  • edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f81dd18f-f71d-4588-81b1-0910091cdc36Post:4d9ecb5e-168c-4fb9-9f9e-30e9b8a35035">Re: Just Annoyed...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just Annoyed... : I don't she is saying that she was hurt they didn't choose to wait that long, I think she meant she was annoyed by the fact they just beat her to it. <strong>Considering girls rarely propose it's not really any woman's choice to "wait" x amount of time...we are just waiting for the guys to step it up! </strong>I was with an ex for over 7 years and it would jade me a little when people got engaged before me...I wouldn't be upset at THEM just my own situation.   Likewise when FI and I got engaged after 14 months of dating, my oldest friend literally told me<strong> "It's not that I'm not happy for you it just bothers me that I didn't get proposed to first since we have been dating for over 4 years"...</strong>.so yeah it's human nature to be bothered by it you just need to keep your mouth shut.
    Posted by rel1988[/QUOTE]

    She said this in her first post: "My cousin had a similar whirlwind last year, which really hurt me since FI and had been together for 5 years and weren't engaged yet." What you are saying and what I am saying is the same thing. WHY is she hurt that, BECAUSE they chose to not wait as long as her and her b/f, they got engaged first? Where is the logic?

    To the first bolded: just because typically women don't propose doesn't mean they can't. PP and you could both have proposed if you felt the relationship was headed in that direction and did not want to wait longer. Also, my H and I BOTH discussed the status of our relationship and when (time-frame wise, generally speaking) we wanted to get engaged and married. It shouldn't just be up to the guy and I don't think it's fair you're putting it all on them. You don't have to sit around waiting for anything--bring up the topic and/or propose yourself if it hurts you when others get engaged first. This is not a race.

    And if a good friend told me what I have highlighted in the second bolded part, I would roll my eyes very hard at her.

    ETA: FWIW H and I dated 6.5 years before getting engaged. It was our choice because we wanted to be at a certain place financially and each have jobs in the same city before doing this. I had at LEAST 5-6 friends/family members start dating after us and get married before us. So I HAVE been in that situation, and it just did not bother me. I was genuinely happy for my friends who were marrying and understood it was our CHOICE to wait longer.


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Vacation
  • I would be annoyed too. Just one of those things that you can't rationally explain and only admit to yourself in the dark or to strangers on the internet. Its not logical, and doesn't detract from how happy you are for her.
  • Angelface225Angelface225 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:f81dd18f-f71d-4588-81b1-0910091cdc36Post:4d9ecb5e-168c-4fb9-9f9e-30e9b8a35035">Re: Just Annoyed...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just Annoyed... : I don't she is saying that she was hurt they didn't choose to wait that long, I think she meant she was annoyed by the fact they just beat her to it. Considering girls rarely propose it's not really any woman's choice to "wait" x amount of time...we are just waiting for the guys to step it up! I was with an ex for over 7 years and it would jade me a little when people got engaged before me...<strong>I wouldn't be upset at THEM just my own situation.</strong>   Likewise when FI and I got engaged after 14 months of dating, my oldest friend literally told me "It's not that I'm not happy for you it just bothers me that I didn't get proposed to first since we have been dating for over 4 years"....so yeah it's human nature to be bothered by it you just need to keep your mouth shut.
    Posted by rel1988[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for getting it Rel. I wasn't saying it was right or rude or rational to feel that way, but I did. And OP came here saying that she knew she couldn't do anything about it and it was something she needed to get over, and I was simply sharing a situation in which I felt the same way. I got over it. I'm a big girl. But in that moment, it bothered the hell out of me. Kudos to all of you for not having petty insecurities in your own heads. I'm willing to admit that I do at times.

    ETA: Everything worked out perfectly and timing happened this way for a reason. Our world has completely fallen into place in the last 5 months. I didn't let insecurity sabotage my relationship, which is what matters.

     

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Wow, I think some emotions on here were more stirred than mine!

    Just simply stating that after her family went out of the way to "not interfere" with our wedding date, they chose to up me by one week.  If she did not want to interfere, the least she could have done in my opinion is to space our weddings out more than a week in either direction.  Its not that I don't wish her happiness, I certainly do, but I feel she should have respected that I've been planning this date for a long time and chose to space hers away from mine just a little more.  

    My matron of honor got engaged after me and married before, but her day was not infringing on my day in the least, thus it did not bother me.  In this case, we share family, my plan has been in the works much longer than she's even known the guy, so my point was that she should have waited just a little longer out of courtesy and respect.  Maybe you feel like two months is enough time to be engaged...but since she's been complaining about her singleness all over facebook since my engagement until December and copying everything she's seen about the wedding so far, I don't feel so sorry for being annoyed at her quick pace and jump ahead of my wedding.

    Does it mean I'm stirring up drama by telling her off or talking to my family?  No.  That's why I'm saying it on a shady internet board.  Does me venting change her wedding date? No.  All I wanted to vent my frustrations, but you can't vent your frustrations to family without hurting someone.  
    Let's Drink Coffee, Darling
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • OP, you have every right to your emotions, but you also have a responsibility to handle them in a manner that doesn't have fallout on others.

    I can see where you would be worried about conflict (maybe some family members can't afford two plane tickets that close together).  Anything beyond that though needs to be acknowledged as emotions that don't deserve real world spotlight time.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f81dd18f-f71d-4588-81b1-0910091cdc36Post:91d399e5-7566-4411-8e81-7b47014aed4a">Re: Just Annoyed...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, I think some emotions on here were more stirred than mine! Just simply stating that after her family went out of the way to "not interfere" with our wedding date, they chose to up me by one week.  If she did not want to interfere, the least she could have done in my opinion is to space our weddings out more than a week in either direction.  Its not that I don't wish her happiness, I certainly do, but I feel she should have respected that I've been planning this date for a long time and chose to space hers away from mine just a little more.   My matron of honor got engaged after me and married before, but her day was not infringing on my day in the least, thus it did not bother me.  In this case, we share family, my plan has been in the works much longer than she's even known the guy, so my point was that she should have waited just a little longer out of courtesy and respect.  Maybe you feel like two months is enough time to be engaged...but since she's been complaining about her singleness all over facebook since my engagement until December and copying everything she's seen about the wedding so far, I don't feel so sorry for being annoyed at her quick pace and jump ahead of my wedding. Does it mean I'm stirring up drama by telling her off or talking to my family?  No. <strong> That's why I'm saying it on a shady internet board.</strong>  Does me venting change her wedding date? No.  All I wanted to vent my frustrations, but you can't vent your frustrations to family without hurting someone.  
    Posted by sometimessilencespeaks[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>For the record, this is not a shady internet board. 

    </div>
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary 
  • Wait, I missed the shady thing.  That's a seriously weird thing to say about a wedding website.  Do you think everyone who even slightly disagrees with you is disreputable? 
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:f81dd18f-f71d-4588-81b1-0910091cdc36Post:e450b0aa-00de-4d02-9ff7-36a96f2f9d25">Re: Just Annoyed...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just Annoyed... : For the record, this is not a shady internet board. 
    Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]



    Whoa. Shady? Not cool. These ladies are awesome and they give awesome advice along with pretty dependable laughs. You take it back!
  • Now I'm excited to learn I'm hanging out in a shady place with shady people. I usually play it so safe in my real life. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • LOL There are many words you could probably use to describe TK message boards, but "shady" is not one that would even come to my mind.


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Vacation
  • My close friend got engaged in December, and was married in March.  I was engaged at the end of December, and will be getting married in September.  I chose a date far enough away that it would allow her to shine.  We have a mutal accquaintance that caught wedding fever at the March wedding, and got engaged the Monday following.  

    She mentioned at the wedding that she wanted to "beat me" to the altar.  I simply congratulated her, and wished her well.  She's dated the guy for about 9 months, and her divorce (and his) were both just finalized in the last 2 months.  Do I think that they are maybe moving a little fast? Yes. But is it really any of my business? NO.  Was I a little bothered by her "beat you to the altar" remark, sure.  But is it really going to effect me? No.  
    I am marrying the man I love because I love him.  Not because I feel rushed, and not because I want to "beat" anyone to the altar.  

    My advice to you is to be happy for your cousin, and leave the judging up to your guests. Same as when a guest wears a white dress, let the other guest do the judging for you.  At the end of the day it really doesn't matter who's wedding was better, had more planning, or was the week after/before yours.  What matters is that at the end of the day YOU will be married to the man you love. 


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • are your families going to need to travel far for both weddings?  If not , no big deal.  People will go to both weddings if not a huge inconvenience, more people will probably choose your wedding if they had to pick since they have had more time to plan around it. 

    Don't share wedding info with her.  Unless she is your BFF or in the wedding party she shouldn't  need to know any deatils anyway so she will not have a chance to "copy you."  And with a wedding a week a part no one will suspect that your copied her in any way since it would be hard to plan a whole wedding in a week.

    You each get your ONE day.  People get married every day.  Enjoy your day and do not worry about hers.
    image

    Anniversary
  • I think the original poster has every right to be annoyed. Like she said at the very beginning, she had her date set and her save the dates already received when her cousin decided on this date so close to her wedding date.

    People will always want attention I am confident that this marriage will not have the strength and values that has taken you both many years and lessons learned to find! Be Blessed with what you have in front of you and don't let the oppinions of a few strangers sway your heart.
  • I'd have been more PO'd if she'd chosen to have her wedding the same day.
  • @natswild - what is the deal with you resurrecting all these old threads?
  • natswild said:
    I'd have been more PO'd if she'd chosen to have her wedding the same day.
    Who are you talking to?



    Anniversary
    image

    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards