MOH can't come to wedding anymore

boylepc05

My MOH is my sister, and she lives across the country.  Unfortunately, she's no longer coming to the wedding because she's pregnant and due just 2 weeks before the wedding   This has been bumming me out since she found out the due date in January, and I'm struggling getting out of my funk about it.  I'm so sad that my sister won't be at my wedding - she's my sister and we're really close!  And (this is awful) I'm also angry with her because I want her to be here and she's not doing anything to try to be here.  I know, I'm a horrible person for being angry with her.  It's not like she can do anything about it.

I guess I'm just exhausted from the weekly phone calls with her about how she's upset she can't come to anything (shower, bachelorette, wedding) and yet there is nothing I can to do help or fix it.  I've cried about it enough, and I need to accept it or something now.

How do I deal with this?  And what do I need to do about her not being able to be here?  Are there details I should be changing?

ils2004

Plain and simple, that stinks.

It's okay to be upset.  Picking your MOH is a big part of wedding planning and it's a shame that she won't be able to make your big day.

However, you have to set aside these feelings.  A pregnancy is an awesome awesome thing!  You should be happy for your sister and supporting her through the pregnancy as she is supporting you with your wedding planning.  In September, you'll all be doubly blessed as your family will gain a niece/nephew and gain your new family through marriage.

  

Over the next several months, other changes will happen in your social circle.  Other folks will get engaged.  Couples will announce pregnancies.  Promotions and moves will happen.  Life happens to other people while you plan your wedding.  That's cool. People will continue to be happy for you as they celebrate their own special milestones.  

I can't tell you how to deal.  That is something you need to figure out on your own.  You don't necessarily have to replace your sister; you could go forward with just bridesmaids.  Your sister can still help you plan. I just encourage you to be more supportive of her going forward.

boylepc05

You are so so right...  I am definitely happy for her!  But I should be showing her that more.  Maybe I could change the subject when she starts to talk about how upset she is about missing everything and instead lead the conversations to more exciting things about the baby-to-come.  Maybe that will help spin things into more positive conversations!

reisnersr

Skype her into your shower! Skype her into the ceremony! That way you can still connect. It's a huge bummer, but unless this was a complete accident then she made that decision to go for the baby with your wedding 10 months away. I'd just remember that being an aunty is GREAT!

BostonGIrl4732

I'm sorry :-(  I'd be disappointed too.  I had a friend who was abroad for work when his brother got married (he was doing service for a year and couldn't come home).  They Skyped him into the ceremony so that he could be there.  He even got dressed up for it!  Maybe something like that could work?

BAS19

If she has an iPhone you could bring her in using Facetime. Congrats on being an auntie! When is your shower? Is there any reason other than being pregnant she can't come to the shower? If its at least a month before the wedding and with doctors blessings, maybe she could at least come to that since she won't be able to make it to anything else? I've known lots of women to travel at 8 months.

boylepc05

My shower is at the end of July along with the bachelorette, so unfortunately she won't be able to attend any of the festivities (  She recently asked her doc during an appt, and they said "no way".  Such a bummer...

I am happy to be an aunt again, tho!  It's baby #3, so they are making quite the little family!

I did mention skyping or facetime to her, so maybe that will work!  Does anyone know if Catholic churches are ok with having a laptop set up near the altar?  That's a much better view than through someone's cell, right?

lizmanninger

Maybe you can have a special sister time bachelorette - just the two of you - and you can go visit her? Also skype in the ceremony is a great idea!
And here's some advice I've been telling myself over and over - don't stress about the things you can't change. It won't do anything but make you upset.
She's your sister - she'll be there for the next 50 years for all your big days!! While of course your wedding is a HUGE day, in the grand scheme of things, it is just one day, and your sister will be there for a lifetime.