shower give by fiance's family

marissaanne27

My mother is throwing the shower for my side of the family. Every woman invited to the wedding from my list is invited to her shower, as well as my fiance's parents, brothers, grandparents, and great grandmother. All my bridesmaids are included as well

My fiance's two aunts, two uncles, and mother are throwing a shower for his side of the family. They are only inviting family friends. NO family. My sisters, who are my maid of honorr, are not invited and none of my bridal party is invited. MY OWN MOTHER IS NOT INVITED!

*A side note: My mother does my fiance's mother's hair and they have spoken about eachothers showers.

I have let it go that my bridesmaids are not invited because I know sometimes that happens. It bothers me that my sisters are not invited but it bothers me even more that my mother is not.

My two questions are: Do you think it is acceptable for my future mother in law not to invite my mother, the mother of the bride, to her shower? Do you think it is fair to ask my fiance's aunts and uncles to pay for a shower that does not include family, only our and his mother's women friends that are invited to the wedding?

MairePoppy

In my circle, it would be considered very rude to not invite the MOB, MOG and B & Gs sisters to all showers. The bms are invited, too. It's up to those VIPs to decide which, if any, showers they would like to attend. 

I would assume that the aunts offered to cohost a shower, so it's up to them to decide whether they feel uncomfortable about leaving their family members off the guest list. Maybe they feel they will have to invite all the family members, if they invite any. 

You don't have to accept every shower that is offered. Nor does every female wedding guest have to be invited to a shower. If you don't feel comfortable with FMILs arrangements, turn down her offer.

marissaanne27

Thank you for your response. I would love to decline the shower but then I am the one that comes off rude and ungreatful. I am extermely greatful for whatever anyone decides to give me.. I want to be clear on that. I just feel it is very rude to not invite my mom.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_shower-give-by-fiances-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:0d28ec85-6bb4-468e-87d9-41b179363c83Post:2191f51b-7c74-4b5b-9ab9-a7b2e387b58f">Re: shower give by fiance's family</a>:
[QUOTE]In my circle, it would be considered very rude to not invite the MOB, MOG and B & Gs sisters to all showers. The bms are invited, too. It's up to those VIPs to decide which, if any, showers they would like to attend.  I would assume that the aunts offered to cohost a shower, so it's up to them to decide whether they feel uncomfortable about leaving their family members off the guest list. Maybe they feel they will have to invite all the family members, if they invite any.  You don't have to accept every shower that is offered. Nor does every female wedding guest have to be invited to a shower. If you don't feel comfortable with FMILs arrangements, turn down her offer.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

KaySea6213

Ask if you can bring your mother along. If you feel like it's awkward maybe you could say that you're worried it may hurt your mother's feelings that she's not invited.

marissaanne27

Thanks. I know for a fact that it will hurt my mother's feelings. Im just not sure how to bring it up without being rude or making me look bad. Im trying to be gracious and I am truely thankful for everything and anything they are willing to give me but I am concerned about my mtoher's feelings.


In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_shower-give-by-fiances-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:0d28ec85-6bb4-468e-87d9-41b179363c83Post:25a3b7ac-1004-4218-979d-1ec6cb499116">Re: shower give by fiance's family</a>:
[QUOTE]Ask if you can bring your mother along. If you feel like it's awkward maybe you could say that you're worried it may hurt your mother's feelings that she's not invited.
Posted by dammitkrystyn[/QUOTE]

marissaanne27

You can not DECLINE a shower. It is incredibily rude and makes you look horrible and is a terrible way to start off with your new inlaws.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_shower-give-by-fiances-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:0d28ec85-6bb4-468e-87d9-41b179363c83Post:f6c01b6c-6b70-40e6-86b8-cb97c07d9c65">Re: shower give by fiance's family</a>:
[QUOTE]Decline the shower. The moms and bridesmaids usually receive courtesy invites to all the showers, BUT!!!!  This is the decision of the shower hostess. The hostess determines the guest list, since she is hosting and paying for the event.  The bride furnishes a guest list if asked.  No one who is not invited to the wedding should be invited to a shower....but the most a bride can do is DECLINE the shower if she objects. The bride graciously accepts what is offered, or declines.  The shower is a gift.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

antibride2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_shower-give-by-fiances-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:0d28ec85-6bb4-468e-87d9-41b179363c83Post:aaf5fbe7-2065-4965-98b3-c2a9cb7bccdf">Re: shower give by fiance's family</a>:
[QUOTE]You can not DECLINE a shower. It is incredibly rude and makes you look horrible and is a terrible way to start off with your new in-laws. In Response to Re: shower give by fiance's family :
Posted by marissaanne27[/QUOTE]

You can most certainly DECLINE a shower.  I am declining all offers for showers.  All you have to say is "Thank you for the thought". 

Also-  Showers are supposed to be intimate events, with ONLY close friends and family invited, not EVERY FEMALE invited to the wedding.  This seem extremely gift grabby.  DECLINE!!!

MairePoppy

It's not rude to decline a shower, as long as you're polite about it. 

It seems like you actually want to accept the shower from your FMIL. I would suggest that you speak up, "FMIL, it's very important to me that you invite my mother to the shower you're hosting." That request is reasonable. 

I'll stick by my answer that it's rude to not invite your mother and sisters to the shower. Unfortunately, you can't dictate the guest list to the host or correct her manners. You can only hope that she wants to please you. 

As a recent MOB, if I was your mom, I would tell you not to worry about. Go and have a good time. Then I'd cut a chunk out of the back of her hair the next time she came in for a haircut (just kidding). Life's too short to get upset about this kind of stuff : )