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Bridal Shower crashed by divorces

ginter27ginter27 member
5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
So my parents have been divorced for about 20yrs now but they do not speak to each other and there is stil alot of tension between them. (Needless to say I'm worried about them being within arms length of each at the wedding). But right now I'm concerned with my bridal showers.
I've had the same step-mom for almost 20 years. I've had a questionable relationship with my mother my whole life and I'm starting a new relationship with my FMIL.
This is my fiance's second marriage (first marriage was 10yrs ago) but my FMIL is convinced that no one wants to buy gifts for a second wedding so she would rather have a "family reunion" with no gifts required. This is my first wedding and that sounds depressing.
 I don't want to have 3 separate showers but I don't want to have just one big one and make my mother and step-mom deal with it when they obviously hate each other because I want it to be a happy day without worrying about a fight breaking out. I don't know what to do?? Why is my wedding getting ruined by divorces??? HELP!!??
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Re: Bridal Shower crashed by divorces

  • erinlin25erinlin25 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    It depends on who decides to host a shower and then it is up to you to either accept or decline.  You do not get to assign anyone the hosting duties or how to host it.  The point of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts, so there is no point on having a shower if there will be no gifts--and really that is up to the gift giver to decide.  If they do not want to bring a gift they can either not bring one or decide not to come altogether.  10 years is long enough where I wouldn't side eye a second shower--especially since its your first!  If FI mom wants to host a party, have your FI (or you can talk to her if you are comfortable) remind her this is your first wedding so you should get to experience a real shower.    Otherwise just decline the shower.

    And I would just hope your mom and step mom would put their big girl panties on and just be happy for you and leave there drama at the door.  They do not even need to talk to one another.  One stays on this side of the room, one stays on that side. Acknowledge both and tell your mom to get over it's been 20 years!  If your step mom has truly been like a second mom to you, she deserves recognition.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Has anyone offered to throw you any of these showers? You don't throw your own shower, so unless someone offers, this is a moot point. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • ginter27ginter27 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    Well I asked my stepmom if she could host a shower with my dad's side of the family but she declined. My FMIL offered a shower but it wasn't really a shower- more like a family reunion. And then my bridesmaids have started getting ideas for one but I don't know how to do this or how many to have??
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  • antibride2013antibride2013 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-crashed-by-divorces?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:a26c5826-4cda-40db-b1c8-e82dd38f1088Post:d75e4e44-1c00-440f-a122-c57faf686bd7">Re: Bridal Shower crashed by divorces</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Well I asked my stepmom if she could host a shower with my dad's side of the family but she declined.</strong>My FMIL offered a shower but it wasn't really a shower- more like a family reunion. And then my bridesmaids have started getting ideas for one but I don't know how to do this or how many to have??
    Posted by ginter27[/QUOTE]

    This was a big NO-NO.  A shower is a gift to you.  You should not ask anyone to throw you a party.  If a shower is offered to you great.  If not, it's not something you ask for.  And like PP said, you don't throw your own showers.  Enjoy the family reunion your FMIL has offered to host and call it a day. 
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  • ginter27ginter27 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited April 2013

    Then it sounds like no shower for me.

    I asked my step-mother to do a shower because she hasn't be able to do anything with the wedding and I want her involved. But she didn't think anyone would come.

    So I guess it was pointless to register because no one has really offered to do a shower for me besides my FMIL and she doesn't want to do gifts.

    I just figured it was something the bridesmaids did. Guess I was wrong.

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited April 2013
    It wasn't pointless to register. People will use the registry to buy you wedding gifts. 

    Bridesmaids DO sometimes organize showers, but it is not required of them. You said they were getting ideas together, so maybe they ARE planning to do one.  Don't worry about it. A shower does not make or break your wedding experience.  I actually turned down the shower that was offered to me. Another Knottie was offered several and turned them all down. 

    Where in Central Illinois are you from?  I grew up in Peoria. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • ginter27ginter27 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    I live near Sterling/Rock Falls. It's closer to the Quad Cities. But my dad is in Lincoln.
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