Proof read my Vows please

nickimanny

My wedding is next weekend and I haven't showed my vows to anybody but would really like somebody to proof read them.  Thanks in advance!


Today is the day,  it has been a long time coming but I am so happy that we are here today.  You are the thought that starts each morning and the conclusion to each day.  You are the smile on my face and the warmth in my heart.  You are my silly, mature, caring, thoughtful, bright, and honest guy.  The one that holds me tightly when I need to cry.  You always try to understand even if I don’t make sense.  After all these years I still feel butterflies in my chest.  I promise to give you the best of myself and to bring the best out of youI promise to grow along with you, to be faithful to you and honest with youI promise to be patient and understanding even if I don’t agreeI promise to love you in good times and bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple and when it is complex. You are all I’ve wanted and all that I’ll ever need.  Completely and forever

doublenn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_proof-read-my-vows-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:28ba0325-4fdd-4fb9-b9d6-ae3d2aabde6cPost:46c75400-4aac-40fa-80ce-9b3c404f5d53">Proof read my Vows please</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is next weekend and I haven't showed my vows to anybody but would really like somebody to proof read them.  Thanks in advance! Today is the day,   it has been a long time coming but I am so happy that we are here today.   <strong>You are the thought that starts each morning and the conclusion to each day.</strong>   You are the smile on my face and the warmth in my heart.   You are my silly, mature, caring, thoughtful, bright, and honest guy.   The one that holds me tightly when I need to cry.   You always try to understand even if I don’t make sense.   After all these years I still feel butterflies in my chest.   I promise to give you the best of myself and to bring the best out of you I promise to grow along with you, to be faithful to you and honest with you I promise to be patient and understanding even if I don’t agree I promise to love you in good times and bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple and when it is complex.   You are all I’ve wanted and all that I’ll ever need.   Completely and forever
Posted by nickimanny[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The bolded above sounds a little awkward, because I read it as the thought is what starts and ends the day, so, to me, it'd be written more like "You are the thought that starts each morning and concludes each day", but reading it again, it sounds like you mean "you" is the thought as well as the conclusion, which sounded a bit awkward. Not sure if I'm making myself clear. But it's very cute! I love the line about what you've always wanted and all you'll ever need.

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nickimanny

Thanks I'll look into changing that

PJSPJS

I would change "You are all I’ve wanted and all that I’ll ever need" to "You are all I’ve wanted and all I’ll ever need."

Otherwise, it's terrific.

kristinanddan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_proof-read-my-vows-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:28ba0325-4fdd-4fb9-b9d6-ae3d2aabde6cPost:46c75400-4aac-40fa-80ce-9b3c404f5d53">Proof read my Vows please</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is next weekend and I haven't showed my vows to anybody but would really like somebody to proof read them.  Thanks in advance! Today is the day,   it has been a long time coming but I am so happy that we are here today.   You are the thought that starts each morning and the conclusion to each day.   You are the smile on my face and the warmth in my heart.   You are my silly, mature, caring, thoughtful, bright, and honest guy.   The one that holds me tightly when I need to cry.   You always try to understand even if I don’t make sense.   After all these years I still feel butterflies in my chest.   I promise to give you the best of myself and to bring the best out of you I promise to grow along with you, to be faithful to you and honest with you I promise to be patient and understanding even if I don’t agree I promise to love you in good times and bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple and when it is complex.   You are all I’ve wanted and all that I’ll ever need.   Completely and forever
Posted by nickimanny[/QUOTE]

<div>I find the beginning a little awkward and the random rhyming in the middle kind of strange. This is how I would word it:</div><div>
</div><div>It has been a long time coming but I am so happy that we are here and today is the day (I marry you).  You are my first thought each morning and the very last thought at the conclusion to each day.   You are the smile on my face and the warmth in my heart.   You are my silly, mature, caring, thoughtful, bright, and honest man - the one who holds me tightly when I need to cry and who always try to understand me even if I don’t make sense.   After all these years I still feel butterflies in my chest every time I think of you.   I promise to give you the best of myself and to bring the best out of you.  I promise to grow along with you, to be faithful to you and honest with you.  I promise to be patient and understanding even if I don’t agree.  I promise to love you in good times and bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple and when it is more complex.   You are all I’ve wanted and all that I’ll ever need.   Completely and forever.</div><div>
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[Deleted User]

Hmmm... without changing too much, if it were me...

"Today is the day.  It has been a long time coming but I am so happy that we are (finally) here.  You are my first thought each morning and my final thought every night.  You are the smile on my face and the warmth in my heart.  My silly, mature, caring, thoughtful, bright, and honest man.  The one that holds me tightly when I need to cry.  The one that tries to understand me, even if I don’t make sense. 

After all these years, I still feel butterflies in my chest (as I stand here/when I think of you).  I promise to give you the best of myself and to bring out the best of you.  I promise to grow along with you, to be faithful to you and honest with you.  I promise to be patient and understanding even if I don’t agree.  I promise to love you in good times and bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple and when it is complex. You are all that I’ve wanted and all that I’ll ever need.  Completely and forever."

That's just some minor tweaks without changing too much.  I tried to take out a bit of the repetition at the beginning by getting rid of some of the "you"s at the beginning of the sentences.  Stuff in parenthesis are little thoughts that might fit in.  I agree that the guy-cry rhyme just came off as awkward, so I changed "guy" to "man", but if you'd rather use guy, I'd suggest finding a way so that the following sentence doesn't rhyme.