Does MOG need to match the dress length of the MOB?

Cre8ivKay

I am the MOG. A few days ago I emailed the MOB and asked her to let me know what color and length dress she will wear so I can coordinate.  I did this because I have been told by people that the MOB should get first choice. 

Before the email to the MOB, I told my FDIL that I would like to wear a gown.  It will be an evening church wedding in July with a formal reception at a country club.  My FDIL  told me last night that her mother is wearing a knee length dress.  I get the feeling that FDIL doesn't want me to wear a gown.

Do I need to match the dress length of the MOB?  If I wear a gown anyway will this be seen as disrespectful?

AddieCake

Guests can wear whatever they want, so no.

KJiras

No, as long as the formality of the dress matches the event you are fine! Trying to manage everything down to what the Moms are wearing seems insane to me. I want my FMIL and my Mom to wear something they feel great in. It could be covered in sequins for all I care! 

As far as the FMIL or MOB "choosing" first - that seems unnecessary to me. But the fact that you reached out to her Mom in a friendly way was nice. They should be appreciative of that

Kate61487

You can wear whatever you want!  Get something that makes you feel amazing :-)

My BMs were in knee length / tea length dresses and my mom went with a tea length dress as well.  my MIL was concerned for a moment that her long dress was going to stick out, but I told her "hey, I'm wearing a long dress!  You'll fit right in".  Truly, an evening church wedding with a formal reception I think a gown would fit right in.  Don't worry about what the MOB is wearing, you two likely won't be in any (or maybe just a few) photos together anyway.


just realizing I don't think we have a picture of *our* family....  we have us with my family, and us with his family.  hmmm.  probably should have done one of us with BOTH our parents...

MairePoppy

I'm  a recent MOB. In the old days, when I got married, the bride's parents paid for the wedding, the MOB was the hostess and was in charge of stuff. She selected her dress first and notified the MOG. The MOG was supposed to pick a different color, in a similar style to the MOG. I'm glad those days are gone.

I wore a lace, knee length cocktail dress to my daughter's wedding. The MOG wore a full, silk ball skirt with a matching jacket. We were both comfortable in the styles we chose. We didn't consult with each other on our dresses. 

[Deleted User]

MOB here, wear what you want and what makes you feel beautiful!
When my DD was getting married, the MOG was waiting for me to pick a dress first.  I told her I take forever to decide, was leaning toward a particular color, but by all means don't wait for me or feel you can't choose a particular color (ok maybe no white, lol)
We have been always friendly so of course as soon as she found her dress, she immediately told me, to share her excitement at finding something she loved.  And I did the same.
We both looked great at our kids' wedding!

Peledreamsofrain

The etiquette correct answer here is that you are a guest, and can wear whatever makes you feel beautiful.

However, family politics get muddy.  Many people deeply believe in the old outdated rules about MOBs and MOGs coordinating.  To avoid drama, you may want to ask your son or future daughter in law if the MOB is expecting coordinate hems.  You have every right to wear what you want, but drama sucks all the same.

tiny speck

Nope, no need to worry about this. My mom is wearing a knee-length dress, and FMIL is wearing a longer gown. No biggie.

Cre8ivKay

Thanks everyone.