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Moms and Maids

Addressing the groom in MOH speech? and a slight rant...

I'm having trouble writing about the groom in my Maid of Honor toast. I hate him. He's an arrogant, argumentative, boorish, over-aged frat boy.

Some backstory: they've been together 6 years, and the first several years he was even worse, and even she was questioning their relationship. Since some of his actions were concerning at the time (borderline alcoholic & monopolized her time), I decided to lay it all out for her. I sat her down, told her what I didn't like about him and why, and I pointed out the things that concerned me. I made my points clear, and she understood and even agreed with parts of it.

But I told her that the bottom line is that he makes her happy and I know he does really love her, and as long as that was the case, then she wouldn't hear another peep from me. I've kept true to my word and have bitten my tongue ever since. Although he has improved and matured quite a bit, I'll give him that.

Through the magic of unspoken BFF vibes, I know that she knows that I'm still iffy about him. Because of this, I think it would be very noticeable (to her) if I didn't mention him in the toast.

Finally to my question: What's a good way to give him a generic nod of recognition? I'll do my very best to suck it up for her, I just need a starting point.

I know all of those details weren't necessary; I just needed to vent a bit...sorry about that.

Re: Addressing the groom in MOH speech? and a slight rant...

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_addressing-the-groom-in-moh-speech-and-a-slight-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:4cff8ac0-d189-457f-8e19-a16d22a704f3Post:713fd435-ee84-4322-93e4-35e4d843f27a">Addressing the groom in MOH speech? and a slight rant...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm having trouble writing about the groom in my Maid of Honor toast. I hate him. He's an arrogant, argumentative, boorish, over-aged frat boy. Some backstory: they've been together 6 years, and the first several years he was even worse, and even she was questioning their relationship. Since some of his actions were concerning at the time (borderline alcoholic & monopolized her time), I decided to lay it all out for her. I sat her down, told her what I didn't like about him and why, and I pointed out the things that concerned me. I made my points clear, and she understood and even agreed with parts of it. But I told her that the bottom line is that he makes her happy and I know he does really love her, and as long as that was the case, then she wouldn't hear another peep from me. I've kept true to my word and have bitten my tongue ever since. Although he has improved and matured quite a bit, I'll give him that. Through the magic of unspoken BFF vibes, I know that she knows that I'm still iffy about him. Because of this, I think it would be very noticeable (to her) if I didn't mention him in the toast. Finally to my question: What's a good way to give him a generic nod of recognition? I'll do my very best to suck it up for her, I just need a starting point. I know all of those details weren't necessary; I just needed to vent a bit...sorry about that.
    Posted by astimmel[/QUOTE]

    It is a toast, not a speech and the guests will love it if you (and anyone else) keep it short and sweet. After a few sentences about the bride, just toast "to the bride and groom".
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • You could say something along the lines of "I'm glad that Bride has found man whom she loves and who loves her in return". That way you're being perfectly honest, at least I'm assuming that you're glad that your friend is happy, but still keeping your promise.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2013
    I agree. Just say congrats and that you wish them well. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_addressing-the-groom-in-moh-speech-and-a-slight-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4cff8ac0-d189-457f-8e19-a16d22a704f3Post:ce7713d0-4adc-479e-994c-55ccf44784c8">Re: Addressing the groom in MOH speech? and a slight rant...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Addressing the groom in MOH speech? and a slight rant... : It is a toast, not a speech and the guests will love it if you (and anyone else) keep it short and sweet. After a few sentences about the bride, just toast "to the bride and groom".
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>GLB, thank you for saying this. </div><div>
    </div><div>OP, if you have some tender words for the bride, write her a letter or use that toast at her bp. Wedding toasts should be short and sweet. </div><div>
    </div>
                       
  • astimmelastimmel member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited April 2013
    Thank you all for your feedback. I am well aware that I am not giving a speech, and I don't know why everyone jumped to that conclusion simply because I used the word "speech" one time, in the headline of my post. I intend to make the toast personal, yet short and sweet. The point was that I feel I should acknowledge the groom, regardless of how long I talk, and I was hoping for suggestions on how to do that given the circumstances.

    Teddy917, thank you for answering my question.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_addressing-the-groom-in-moh-speech-and-a-slight-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4cff8ac0-d189-457f-8e19-a16d22a704f3Post:b7fce29f-2f62-41ee-8ae6-a890f3254647">Re: Addressing the groom in MOH speech? and a slight rant...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you all for your feedback. I am well aware that I am not giving a speech, and I don't know why everyone jumped to that conclusion simply because I used the word "speech" one time, in the headline of my post. I intend to make the toast personal, yet short and sweet. The point was that I feel I should acknowledge the groom, regardless of how long I talk, and I was hoping for suggestions on how to do that given the circumstances.<strong> Teddy917, thank you for answering my question.</strong>
    Posted by astimmel[/QUOTE]
    Your question was answered by several people. <div>
    </div><div>
    <div>
    </div><div>
    </div></div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • You don't need to mention him. Just wish the couple well.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_addressing-the-groom-in-moh-speech-and-a-slight-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4cff8ac0-d189-457f-8e19-a16d22a704f3Post:b7fce29f-2f62-41ee-8ae6-a890f3254647">Re: Addressing the groom in MOH speech? and a slight rant...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you all for your feedback. Posted by astimmel[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You're welcome.
    <div>
    </div></div>
                       
  • I don't blame you for wanting to say a few words more than a toast when you speak.. I know my MOH plans to speak for a couple minutes (2-3) and I look forward to hearing what she has to say.  I have no problem with it, although maybe I'm in the minority bc at BILs wedding his FIL spoke for 45 minutes (yes, we timed it).

    Anyway, my suggestion is to just mention him in that he makes her so happy, and how much it means to you to see her happy... etc etc.

    Good luck!

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Nobody enjoys long and involved toasts.  Make it short and sweet.  When it comes to him, just say something like "You can always see his love for X shining in his eyes".  Something shmoopy like that, and move on. 
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • "Groom, you're the luckiest man in the world to marry my best friend. I wish nothing but happiness for you both." Done.
    Anniversary
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