Mother-in-law won't quit!!! *rant/question*

sylvia91

I am newly engaged, however my fiance and I have been freinds for 8 years, and we dated for four and half years. While we are happy and everyone is happy for us I really have only one problem. Like most girls I had a general idea of what I wanted for my wedding small, sweet and elegant. I wanted just close family however when I asked my parents they gave me a list of 79+ people they would like me to send an invitation to and I have not yet gotten her to sit down with me to tell me who she would like for me to invite. When I ask if she would mind sitting down with me later and telling me she just starts rattling off names as if I am supposed to remember. My fiance and I are paying for our wedding, and we are fine with the first draft of the list, as I call it, as we will sit down when we have a full list and decided who to really invite. My m-i-l also seems to think that since I have two brides maids(my friend and my cousin) and two mohs(my best friend and my little sister(13)) that my wedding is no longer small. I would not have asked these girls if they did not mean the world to me. She thinks it should simply be a moh and a best man, me and my fiance, she also believes that my father-in-law should be the best man(my brother-in-law is the best man and he is over the moon about it)even though my f-i-l and my fiance don't have the best relationship and I am not the biggest fan of the way my f-i-l acts sometimes, and my brother-in-law a grooms man. I understand that her definition of small is different than mine but I have heard of people who have had 18 bridesmaids. She keeps telling us to make it small and simple and save the money for the honeymoon. I get this but I only get one wedding and this is the day I will marry the man I love. How do I get her to understand this, as I have told her that I only get one wedding and she still mentions this any time someone brings up the wedding. I don't know how to get it across to her that I love her but this is my fiance's and my wedding and while I would love her help it hurts my feelings that she keeps at me about the choices I make for MY WEDDING! Am I wrong to feel this way? Should I just suck it up and let it be?

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-in-law-wont-quit-rantquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:50d70482-e098-4fcd-9233-6908fb5cf6c3Post:ac9f697f-e145-4cc3-ad08-0293275d5272">Re: Mother-in-law won't quit!!! *rant/question*</a>:
[QUOTE]Since you guys are hosting, its within your right to tell your parents and future in-laws how many people they may invite. Just because they want to tack 80 people on the guest list doesn't mean you have to host them. Give them a number and stick to it. Your FI should tell his mother that you need a list of no more than X people, in writing, with full contact information by X date. Verbal additions and additions without addresses won't be accomodated. As far as the bridal party shenanigans, your FI should tell her to butt out and that the bridal party is decided and no longer up for discussion.
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

<div>Cosigned.</div><div>
</div><div>FI needs to sit down with his mom and set some boundaries.  He needs to tell her the bridal party is set and no longer up for discussion.  And all the rest of the stuff Sparkly said.</div>

MairePoppy

Well, your FMIL has no say on the wedding party. Tell her you've already decided and it's not up for debate. After that, ignore her questions.

As for her guest list, don't ask an open ended question. Tell her how many guests she is allowed and that you will need the list, with addresses, by X date. If she doesn't follow through, then she doesn't get to invite anyone.Your Fi can do the guest list for his side of the family. 

OliveOilsMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-in-law-wont-quit-rantquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:50d70482-e098-4fcd-9233-6908fb5cf6c3Post:e33b1858-a37e-4f1e-9906-ef1a98a11cd0">Mother-in-law won't quit!!! *rant/question*</a>:
[QUOTE]I am newly engaged, however my fiance and I have been freinds for 8 years, and we dated for four and half years. While we are happy and everyone is happy for us I really have only one problem. Like most girls I had a general idea of what I wanted for my wedding small, sweet and elegant. I wanted just close family however when I asked my parents they gave me a list of 79+ people they would like me to send an invitation to and I have not yet gotten her to sit down with me to tell me who she would like for me to invite. When I ask if she would mind sitting down with me later and telling me she just starts rattling off names as if I am supposed to remember. My fiance and I are paying for our wedding, and we are fine with the first draft of the list, as I call it, as we will sit down when we have a full list and decided who to really invite. My m-i-l also seems to think that since I have two brides maids(my friend and my cousin) and two mohs(my best friend and my little sister(13)) that my wedding is no longer small. I would not have asked these girls if they did not mean the world to me. She thinks it should simply be a moh and a best man, me and my fiance, she also believes that my father-in-law should be the best man(my brother-in-law is the best man and he is over the moon about it)even though my f-i-l and my fiance don't have the best relationship and I am not the biggest fan of the way my f-i-l acts sometimes, and my brother-in-law a grooms man. I understand that her definition of small is different than mine but I have heard of people who have had 18 bridesmaids. She keeps telling us to make it small and simple and save the money for the honeymoon. I get this but I only get one wedding and this is the day I will marry the man I love. How do I get her to understand this, as I have told her that I only get one wedding and she still mentions this any time someone brings up the wedding. I don't know how to get it across to her that I love her but this is my fiance's and my wedding and while I would love her help it hurts my feelings that she keeps at me about the choices I make for MY WEDDING! Am I wrong to feel this way? Should I just suck it up and let it be?
Posted by sylvia91[/QUOTE]

Since you and FI are paying for the wedding, you two should create your guest list.  Then it can be as big or small as you want. 

Stop discussing the wedding with FMIL, if she offers her opinions, just give a generic: We have already decided on x, but thanks for your opinion or I will talk this over with FI, thanks for the idea. 

And your BP is your business, no one elses.  It used to be that the size of your wedding should compare to the size of your BP.  This isn't really a "rule" anymore.  B&G just pick who is nearest and dearest to them regardless of how many people are being invited to the wedding.  The only time I would advise limiting a WP, is if it hurts your budget to have a larger wedding party due to buying everyone gifts, the extra flowers, etc.

winelover123

You don't have to invite anyone you don't want to since you and FI alone are paying for the wedding. It's nice if you give them a number of people they can invite though (ex: they can each invite 20 people) or invite their closest friends. We're not asking how many people our parents want to invite, we're just inviting their closest friends.

The WP is completely and totally up to you and your FI. No one else has input in it. Stop sharing details with FMIL. If she says, "You really need to book this florist, she's amazing and so cheap!" and you don't want to, give a vague answer ("Oh, I'll check her out. Thanks." "We've got that covered, but thanks for the suggestion.").