Moms and Maids

Bride to Bridesmaid

Ok, I could use some advice knotties. DH and I got married just over 2 weeks ago now, and now that I'm back from the honeymoon, I'm trying to switch gears into being a BM for a good friend of mine being married in July (MOH recently contacted us all about her bachelorette and they've been planning her shower, which they as a whole left me out of since I was in the last stretch of my own wedding planning!) I'm so excited for my friend, but I'm also struggling with not having my very recent experience spilling into all of my friend's planning ("Oh! For my bachelorette we..." "I don't know, I really liked X for my..." and so on and so on).

For the most part I've been pretty good about not saying too much about my wedding in regards to my friend's (last thing I want to do is make it seem like her events are all about me) but I'm finding it really hard not to have some spill over. Wedding planning has been a big chunk of my time for months and months now, and I'm not quite sure how to get out of that mind set now that the wedding is over... Any advice as to snapping out of it would be great. Thanks!
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Re: Bride to Bridesmaid

  • I don't necessarily think you SHOULD get your wedding out of your mind.  I rode that high for 3 months afterwards, lost in looking at pictures, remembering the honeymoon, smiling like an idiot to myself, etc.

    The fact that you are aware of the tendency to default to talking about your wedding is a good start.  Catch yourself when you can, focus on her, and continue being a courteous and awesome friend (which you are, btw).
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten



  • Thanks Pele and Retread. I just don't want to seem like I'm trying to make her wedding all about mine (I feel very "look at me, look at me, I just got married!" in my excitement, I admit, and I'm definitely at the staring at wedding pictures stage).

    As for the shower, the MOB was planning on paying the entire thing so luckily I'm not giving anything more to it than time/my gift to the bride. It definitely sounds like MOB wanted something very nice for all the family that is coming in from out of town for the shower and luckily didn't order we all pay for it!
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  • I think as long as your comments are still actually helpful it doesn't seem 'all about you'.  i.e. something like "ohmigosh do you remember at my b-party how suzie got those guys to buy us all shots and then...." isn't really helpful.  whereas "for my b-party we went to Joe's Bar and it was really fun, maybe we should look at that?" is productive.  If you're really feeling self conscious about it you can try to take the 'my wedding' phrase out of it and just offer the suggestion / idea without the context.  "What about Joe's Bar?  it's fun"
  • Ha! I'm in the exact OPPOSITE situation, my best friend got married three weeks ago, and my wedding is June 1st! 

    From my point of view, I was really worried that she would think I was trying to "steal her thunder" if I talked about my wedding or had my shower before her wedding. Now that her wedding is over, I actually feel like I'm getting married soon! I definitely think it's natural to compare what she's doing to what you did, but I think it could be really hurtful if you said anything to her that isn't purely helpful as opposed to commenting on style choices, etc. 

    I think you are a great friend for realizing that this could be annoying for her to hear about the things you did differently or what you think about all of them. On the other hand, if she asks you for advice, you could be a great asset for her now that she's in the final months of planning! 

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