Moms and Maids

MOH Rant

I apologize in advance. This is more of a rant than needing advice, but any advice is welcome!

My fiancée and I live across the US from where my parents and sister (MOH) live, and we're doing the wedding near them because we love the location. About 2 months ago, we saw a flutes/serving set that we loved and went with our double hearts theme that was really pretty, and in our style (not too plain, but not covered in gaudy fake diamonds either).

We picked up the set yesterday after getting the engraving done, so I called my family to give them an update for this week on what we've done for the wedding. I got chewed out by my sister, because apparently SHE had bought us a set (but in a design we didn't want) and was going to give it to us as her wedding gift.

While I appreciate the gesture, I feel she shouldn't have kept it as a "secret" gift. I feel she should have told me that she had bought it for us. So now she's pissy at me for buying it, and my mother agrees with her. We shouldn't be "buying things for ourselves for the wedding".

I am so frustrated right now. I've never done anything in a wedding except a reading when I was little, and attended maybe 3 total in my entire life. It's not like I KNOW anything about doing weddings (My sister watches all the TLC shows, so apparently she knows everything).

Thanks for letting me rant a bit!

Re: MOH Rant

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    There's nothing wrong with you buying accessories for your wedding. Your sister can return the set she bought, if she didn't have it engraved. Everyone's making a big deal out of nothing.
                       
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Another Knottie is having the same problem with people telling her not to buy stuff. Ridiculous. Your sister and mom are in the wrong.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I see it from both sides. Your sister didn't tell you because she wanted to give it to you as a gift. Most gifts are surprises. But, since it's for your wedding, she def should have told you first. It sounds like it was just an honest mistake with good intentions. Maybe you can use them for the dress rehearsal dinner or something? Let her know that you and FI have decided to use the ones you bought and let her decide what to do from there.
    image
  • I agree that your sister was out of line to yell at you about it.  There's no formal tradition I'm aware of regarding who buys toasting flutes and the B&G are certainly able to buy them.

    But at the same time I can understand her disappointment that she selected this gift for you and then you went and bought it for yourself.  This is why H isn't allowed to buy himself anything from Halloween to Christmas, b/c he would buy himself the video games, DVDs, etc. that were going to be Birthday and Christmas gifts.

    I actually received (and used) two sets.  One of our GM bought us a whole Lennox set (several frames, toasting flues, serving set, and cake topper) and it was what we actually based our invitation design off of (he helped me design our invites).  My mom also bought us a set of flutes that she had etched with our names and wedding date (she'd bought them before GM, but gave them to us after).  We used GM's flutes and serving set for the cake cutting and a photo-op toast after; then used mom's flutes for the actual toasts at our table.  Mom's serving set was unused, but it's on display in our curio cabinet.  Obviously you can't cut the cake twice - but if she can't return them perhaps you could use her toasting flutes or something?
  • My MIL bought us accessories like toasting flutes, garter, etc. I never used the garter and donated it to good will. And, we already had toasting flutes that we loved. (My MIL never asked where anything was because she had such a fun time that day.)

    If people are planning on buying you accessories for the wedding, they may risk some items not being used for the wedding. Your sister should have told you about it beforehand.
  • Yeah I don't understand why people do this, when there are entire registries of gifts that the groom and bride WANT.  To be nasty about it after specifically ignoring those registries is just mean-spirited.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • I was telling my sis about all this gorgeous lingerie I bought for our honeymoon, when she sort of implied I shouldn't be buying it for myself b/c I may get some as a gift for my bachelorette.. Really? I can't buy my own sexy underthings now? I highly doubt there will be any repeats, and besides, some things you just want to buy on your own.

    Basically, your sis should chill and understand she took a risk in buying something you likely would have bought for yourself.

    Dreaming of our Hawaiian honeymoon! Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f799f9a3-903d-40d0-b5a7-f671519c7da6Post:17422a74-cc6c-4fb7-a224-dce47eaeb0c7">Re: MOH Rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was telling my sis about all this gorgeous lingerie I bought for our honeymoon, when she sort of implied I shouldn't be buying it for myself b/c I may get some as a gift for my bachelorette.. Really? I can't buy my own sexy underthings now? I highly doubt there will be any repeats, and besides, some things you just want to buy on your own. Basically, your sis should chill and understand she took a risk in buying something you likely would have bought for yourself.
    Posted by nycrose2013[/QUOTE]

    I did the same thing - when I saw the bridal line at Target, I snapped up a bunch of stuff! Glad to know I'm not the only one.

    As for the OP, it's your wedding, and if you want to buy yourself something that you like and will use on your anniversaries, then go for it. You know your taste better than anyone else!
  • Your mother must be of the same mindset as mine in thinking that the BMs are supposed to purchase the serving set and flutes, to be given to the bride at the bridal shower.  It drives me crazy.
  • Thank you everyone for your help! I talked to my sister and my Mom about it, and she returned the set that she had purchased (along with a huge complaint about how she doesn't know what to get us now...I tried to send her to the registries but she wants to do something more personal...I can't win with her!).

    Now we're arguing about wedding shoes...apparently the ones I picked out are too childish (I picked out white slipper shoes with a Velcro strap to keep them on my feet...apparently I'm between a 5.5 and 6, so they're either too tight or fall off!). Yes, because people are really going to care what shoes that they can't see that I'm wearing under my dress for the reception.
     
    I am looking forward to being done with all this stupid arguing!
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