Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Rehearsal dinner dilemma.....

Hey ladies, I have a question about rehearsal dinner... We aren't having a huge wedding party, just a maid of honor & best man. However, a portion of my family is going to be traveling quite a ways, like 1/2 way across the country to get here. I'm from MN & the wedding is in VA, where I now live. So, while we don't probably NEED a rehearsal, my fiances mom is walking him down aisle & I feel like it will just be good to do a quick practice for everyone. So, then my other dilemma is, my sister is the matron of honor & my little sister is marrying us. So some of my family will be there. I also just feel its rude to have all these people come from so dar away & only spend 5-6 hours with us on the wedding day. And they really won't even get any "quality time" with us that day either. We are having a relatively small wedding, bout 75 guests, but we'll still need to mingle with other guests too on wedding day. The biggest issue is mother in law to be has agreed to py for rehearsal dinner as my understanding was traditionally this is what groom's parents do. However, she is a penny pincher & I've done some looking into cost & I'm afraid we may end up spending some of our $$ too depending on what MIL is comfortable spending! So have a dinner? No dinner? What to do?

Re: Rehearsal dinner dilemma.....

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rehearsal-dinner-dilemma-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:02f1cc37-69ec-4921-8c6a-a1a603916c9ePost:497f8c85-a3fc-4767-b5fd-d019a6bd520e">Rehearsal dinner dilemma.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey ladies, I have a question about rehearsal dinner... We aren't having a huge wedding party, just a maid of honor & best man. However, a portion of my family is going to be traveling quite a ways, like 1/2 way across the country to get here. I'm from MN & the wedding is in VA, where I now live. So, while we don't probably NEED a rehearsal, my fiances mom is walking him down aisle & I feel like it will just be good to do a quick practice for everyone. So, then my other dilemma is, my sister is the matron of honor & my little sister is marrying us. So some of my family will be there. I also just feel its rude to have all these people come from so dar away & only spend 5-6 hours with us on the wedding day. And they really won't even get any "quality time" with us that day either. We are having a relatively small wedding, bout 75 guests, but we'll still need to mingle with other guests too on wedding day. The biggest issue is mother in law to be has agreed to py for rehearsal dinner as my understanding was traditionally this is what groom's parents do. However, she is a penny pincher & I've done some looking into cost & I'm afraid we may end up spending some of our $$ too depending on what MIL is comfortable spending! So have a dinner? No dinner? What to do?
    Posted by MNturnsVA[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Either scale back your RD guest list or cough up the extra money. If FMIL has already told you what she can afford then you have to respect that. You can always host a brunch the morning after the wedding if you want to spend more time with your OOT guests.

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Your FMIL is under no obligation to host all those extra people. If you want them there, you need to pay for it.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • If it's not on the budget, I would just have a small RD, and then spread the word to all your OOT guests that you will be hanging out at X bar that evening and they are welcomed to stop by.
    image
  • I have a similar situation (from KY, wedding in MN).  My whole family is traveling from OOT and many of my friends from my home state as well.  We will have a RD for just the wedding party and parents.  There is a nice bar across the street from the hotel (serves food and stuff too so they can grab dinner there as well and the hotel gives a 15% card there, woo!) where many of these OOT guests will be staying and we have spread the word to join us there at X time.  

    Maybe something like this?  That way you aren't having to ask FMIL to invite more people (which you shouldn't do) and then you can visit with all our OOT guests for a little while.  Plus it kind of gives them something to do the night before the wedding if they want.
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  • I agree with Daria...Keep the Rehearsal Dinner small as to not 'take advantage' of your Mother in Law's kindness.. and then invite the extra people out for drinks somewhere casually afterwards.

    We have a similar issue. A dear friend is putting on our Rehersal Dinner for us. He is a VERY talented Chef and agreed to not only BUY all the food for it.. but to cook it and host the entire meal. However, we have a limit of 30 people.

    We are simply inviting our 30 "nearest & dearest" to the rehearsal dinner... and then inviting some more people to join us for drinks afterwards. The whole theme of our wedding is fairly casual, so this arrangement works well.
  • rehersal dinner is for your parents grooms parents the brides mades and there spouses groomsmen and there spouses any siblings you have  grandparents if you still have them. sometimes you can invite godparents but thats up to you.. rehersal dinners are usualy not for extended family. 

    ex your cousin was in your wedding and lets say she was with her bf for a few years you would invite her her bf but not her parents 

    maybe do a small intimate dinner with those people and then the day after your wedding host like a small get together with the family who has came out of state keep it simple maybe juice wine beer soda, and light munchies or serve desert 


  • Nowadays it is getting increasingly acceptable to invite the out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner- that is always trumped by the person who picks up the check. 

    If it cannot work out then you can concider that idea someone had for a brunch the morning after the wedding day (if you don't mind taking time out of your honeymoon or whatever you have planned for as your first day as a married couple)
  • I have an unusual situation in that my fiancee and I are traveling from New Orleans to So. CA (where I am originally from) and getting married out there.  I am having a small wedding with few out-of-town guests.

    We decided to have a "New Orleans themed" dinner at my mom's house the night before with dishes being prepared by my mother, step-dad, my aunt, and myself/fiancee.  The guests will basically be close family and the out-of-town guests (and those groups already include our attendants).  I realize this is not everyone's cup of tea, but I love the idea.  It is substantially more affordable and more intimate than going out to a restaurant.  Everyone coming is looking forward to that night almost as much as the wedding, lol.

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