Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Wedding Shower question...(don't know where else to put this)

My family would like to invite a lot of distant relatives and family friends to my wedding shower.  However, a lot of them I haven't really seen in over 10 years but my mother/brother/aunt have kept up with.  Not to sound rude, but we are on a budget and I cant really afford to feed them or the chair/linen for these people. I am the only granddaughter of my familiy's de facto matriarch, may she rest in peace. These are people who my mother and brother grew up with.  (I have a 17 year age difference with my brother) I knew them vaguely as a child until I was 13.  I think you all know where I am going with this...ugh...(so uncomfortable)

Is it not appropriate to not invite them?  It wasnt my idea to invite them to the shower either.  I like them and all but I was never close with them and I am basically Lucy's Granddaughter to them. So....what is a good way to handle it? Still invite them?

Re: Wedding Shower question...(don't know where else to put this)

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_wedding-shower-questiondont-know-where-else-to-put-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cd642ee0-8f8e-4e8a-b92d-9ad354012fe7Post:83cb5088-06a5-49ea-b0c2-7bf6e821a3b0">Wedding Shower question...(don't know where else to put this)</a>:
    [QUOTE]My family would like to invite a lot of distant relatives and family friends to my wedding shower.  However, a lot of them I haven't really seen in over 10 years but my mother/brother/aunt have kept up with.  Not to sound rude, but we are on a budget and I cant really afford to feed them or the chair/linen for these people. I am the only granddaughter of my familiy's de facto matriarch, may she rest in peace. These are people who my mother and brother grew up with.  (I have a 17 year age difference with my brother) I knew them vaguely as a child until I was 13.  I think you all know where I am going with this...ugh...(so uncomfortable) Is it not appropriate to not invite them?  It wasnt my idea to invite them to the shower either.  I like them and all but I was never close with them and I am basically Lucy's Granddaughter to them. So....what is a good way to handle it? Still invite them?
    Posted by Anise752[/QUOTE]
    I'm not really clear on what you're trying to say, but if they're invited to the shower they need to be invited to the wedding itself.  If you don't want to invite them to the wedding then tell whoever is hosting your shower that they can't invite those people because they're not invited to the wedding.



  • In Response to Re:Wedding Shower question...don't know where else to put this:[QUOTE]My family would like to invite a lot of distant relatives and family friends to my wedding shower. nbsp;However, a lot of them I haven't really seen in over 10 years but my mother/brother/aunt have kept up with. nbsp;Not to sound rude, but we are on a budget and I cant really afford to feed them or the chair/linen for these people. I am the only granddaughter of my familiy's de facto matriarch, may she rest in peace. These are people who my mother and brother grew up with. nbsp;I have a 17 year age difference with my brother I knew them vaguely as a child until I was 13. nbsp;I think you all know where I am going with this...ugh...so uncomfortableIs it not appropriate to not invite them? nbsp;It wasnt my idea to invite them to the shower either. nbsp;I like them and all but I was never close with them and I am basically Lucy's Granddaughter to them. So....what is a good way to handle it? Still invite them? Posted by Anise752[/QUOTE]

    Who is hosting the shower? I think that person would make the final call. Yes agree with all PP's, if u invite them to the shower u have to invite them to the wedding.
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  • No I am not hosting it, my brother and maid of honor are.  

    I agree, I think it is odd to ask them to come and bring a gift since they dont know me that well. I do NOT want to come across as a gift grabber nor is that my intent.  I would like to see them but I do not expect a gift from them.


    What if I sent them special invitations to the shower  that  said gift optional???


    OR what if I still sent them an invitation to the wedding anyway? Let them decide. 

    I just dont know how to handle it since I think my family has already told them about it. 


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_wedding-shower-questiondont-know-where-else-to-put-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cd642ee0-8f8e-4e8a-b92d-9ad354012fe7Post:bb99a20f-0e80-4147-a105-de52d6c771df">Re: Wedding Shower question...(don't know where else to put this)</a>:
    [QUOTE]No I am not hosting it, my brother and maid of honor are.   I agree, I think it is odd to ask them to come and bring a gift since they dont know me that well. I do NOT want to come across as a gift grabber nor is that my intent.  I would like to see them but I do not expect a gift from them. <strong>What if I sent them special invitations to the shower  that  said gift optional</strong>??? OR <strong>what if I still sent them an invitation to the wedding anyway? Let them decide.</strong>  I just dont know how to handle it since I think my family has already told them about it. 
    Posted by Anise752[/QUOTE]

    No don't send them a shower invite and write "gift optional" becuase it's really contradicting the reason for a shower

    If you would like to invite them to the wedding and have the money and space, go for it; has your family already sort-of invited them? If so, you should really invite them. Why don't you host a non-wedding related party either before or after the wedding (summer bbq/holiday open house) and just see them then?
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I think I will just invite them.  My mother is paying for catering (though she is not loaded) and my brother is paying for other various things.  Not to sound snarky, but if they invite them to my wedding Im sure they can pay for it. ;)
  • Gifts are never a requirement so therefore they are always optional.
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